Girls want to get married online. Why do girls want to get married? Note to guys

Do women want to get married today? What is marriage in modern society? Take a look at dating sites - many women write that they want to get married and start a family. Girls and women who come to club parties very often say that they are looking for serious acquaintances. At the same time, sociologists and psychologists confidently refer to statistical data that shows that the number of divorces is increasing year by year, the number of single men and women and single-parent families is growing, the birth rate is decreasing, extramarital affairs are becoming more frequent, and women do not always want to get out. get married, and men get married.

All this allows them to declare a crisis of the family in society and draw conclusions that the institution of marriage is gradually dying out. However, if we trace the evolution of marriage relations and consider the institution of marriage from a historical perspective, the picture will not be so gloomy. Within each historical period, its own completely special family model unfolds, which is formed under the influence of the cultural development of society as a whole. If we start looking at the patriarchal family, we will see that equality between the sexes was formal, and responsibility for the family, and with it power, was assigned to the man. The woman was given in marriage by her parents, and families lived according to the principle “if you endure it, you fall in love.”

Over the centuries, women have not stopped fighting for equality with men, society has changed, and traditions have changed. Women gained economic independence and equality, and marriage gradually began to move from a patriarchal type to a democratic one. The woman began to get married based on her own preferences. But just recently, an unmarried 25-year-old woman looked at least strange in the eyes of society, and most often was considered simply a loser. A woman raising a child on her own was derogatorily called a single mother. Therefore, the girls tried to decide on a candidate for husband as early as possible and tried to get married already in their student years. That is why in Soviet times the so-called student marriage was so widespread. Usually she got married just before the distribution. The future bride knew from her mother and older friends that if you don’t get married during your student years, you will forever remain an “old maid.”

Today, an unmarried woman, even at 30 years old, can allow herself to feel confident, not be afraid of condemnation and not rush to marry an insecure student just to have the status of a married woman. And now she has much more opportunities. A modern woman strives to get married, not limited to choosing from her environment: work, college, friends. At its service is the worldwide Internet, which allows you to significantly expand your social circle, meet people for marriage and serious relationships or for friendship and love.

This is a generalized cry from the heart that I have heard from many women of different ages.

And the question “what’s wrong with whom?” It arises not only at the entrance to a relationship. Not only when there is no relationship, and a woman strives for it, looking through different options. But also in an already established relationship, when you have lived together for a year, three or ten years.

What happens to women in this case? Until they completely lose faith in men and call them one of the traditional bad words, women are intensively “understanding themselves.” Women are the first to think that there is something wrong with them. And the long journey begins to ensure that everything is “like this.”

Women read specialized literature, visit specialists, participate in trainings and programs, listen to video lectures, practice Larisa Renard, and sometimes undergo long-term psychotherapy. And, of course, they use everything that they managed to learn, master, study, realize, understand, feel.

While a woman is busy with this instrumental side of developing the skills of “communicating with men,” practically no questions arise. Because in this case there is almost always hope that I will learn this again and everything will be fine. I will learn to be passive, I will learn to follow a man, I will learn to be sexy, I will learn to give them compliments, I will learn to ask in such a way that men want to fulfill the request, I will learn to be a bitch, I will learn... In any “I will learn” there is hope that this is exactly what is missing .

But the most severe withdrawal for a woman occurs when someone or she herself asks the question: “Why are you doing all this? Why are you learning all this?”

Usually she rolls her eyes and says: “How is this, why? I want a man to appear in my life.”

And if you ask her: “Why do you need a man in your life?”, the answers may be different, but they all boil down to the general formula: “How could it be different? After all, this is a woman’s happiness - “if only a sweetheart were nearby.”

After these questions, for some women the real journey to understanding themselves and their needs may begin. A lot of questions begin to wander in a woman’s head:

• The fact that I want to be with a man, to be married, is this really my need, or is it a tribute to the habits and stereotypes of society?
• Maybe I just feel inferior, defective, because I don’t have a man, or because I’m with the “wrong man”?
• And if this is so, then why should I tie my sense of well-being to a man, to his presence or absence, to his compliance with some frameworks and patterns - height, weight, social status, size of wallet, car and other important components, responsibility and others criteria according to the "list"?

And the fact that this is not the case now does not yet change our habits, which from generation to generation were consolidated and turned into “natural ways of behavior.” Women continue to feel like they are at a “bride fair” where they can become an attractive “prize” for a man. They may or may not. And it doesn’t matter that times have changed, that male and female roles and myths about them are now undergoing colossal changes, but it is very, very difficult for many women to get rid of the feeling of being at this “fair”.

Myths about relationships that we are used to

Women are more interested in relationships than men, which means women need to put in more effort to get a man who "fits."

It is also obvious that:

Men in relationships are consumers, and they need to be constantly pleased, which means that the man needs to become the best “mom” in the world.

It is also obvious that:

Men need sex first and foremost. In most cases, only sex is needed. This means that a man needs to be constantly seduced, and the more skillfully and sophisticatedly, the greater the chances of keeping him close.

There is no doubt that:

Men need to be constantly “wisely led” to this. what a woman wants. It is the wise woman who will never directly say what she wants and needs, but will turn things around in such a way that the “close-minded man” will have the feeling that it was he who came up with and decided.

It is obvious!

But what do we find under the evidence so familiar to us?

In the psychology of transactional analysis, there is a concept about the instructions that we make as decisions in our tender childhood. The decisions made in childhood affect our entire lives, our attitude towards ourselves and the world.

“Don’t be significant” is the main prohibition for a woman in a relationship

It sounds constantly, as if hypnotizing a woman:

"You are not important in a relationship. The man is important. His needs are important. His desires are important, his needs are important.

Do you want to have a man? Then move yourself away and get busy satisfying him. Feed him, look after him, please him.

Seduce him, satisfy him sexually, pretend you feel good even if you don't. Shout loudly so that he has no doubt that he is a tough lover. Don't ask for anything directly. You have no right. Don't say anything directly. You have no right.

Be wise. This means pretend and lie. At least until he gets used to you, can’t do without you and eventually marries you. And after that you can relax a little."

The more developed a woman is, the less distinct this text is. But it still exists. It sounds in a softened and more modern form. And it undoubtedly affects how a woman feels in a relationship.

What does this most often lead to? A woman automatically resets herself at the entrance to a relationship. She does a lot of things that she is not ready to do all the time. In this way she shows the man that she is “not important”, that first of all “he is important”. Do you think it’s hard for a man to believe this? Not at all. It is very easy and tempting to believe this. And it’s very nice to agree with this. Time passes, and the woman’s efforts dry up, she wants a return. This means you need to demand the bills. But you can’t do this directly. We have to use all these feminine things - insults, hysterics, complaints...

Women have masterfully learned to tell men at the entrance to relationships that it is they, men, who are important. That their needs come first. And women are created to satisfy these needs.

And this happens without direct statements or words. This is transmitted through actions, deeds, silence, consent and anything else.

I remember once at one of my groups on life scenarios there was a thirty-year-old woman who was terribly worried that the man with whom she lives was not showing any initiative to marry her. In addition, he does not react in any way to the fact that she wants a child. She said that it was difficult for her to discuss this with him. That she can't talk straight about the baby and marriage. And this has been going on for several years now. And she doesn’t know what to do or how to influence it.

There was another woman in the group - a lady of respectable age, who by that time had already lived in Germany for a long time. She listened to the young woman’s stories, and then suddenly said: “How similar this is to our women. Germans are much simpler about this. They will not waste time on a relationship that does not respond to their needs. A German woman at the entrance to a relationship says: “ I'm looking for a serious and long-term relationship because I'm going to start a family and a child. If starting a family is not in your plans, let's not waste your time or mine. If he does, then let’s try, maybe we’ll feel good together and after a while we can start a family.” And that’s it, they don’t worry or bother. And they don’t take it personally that a man may have other plans, and he may not want to start a family. It’s his business, after all.”

Not only in Germany, women have learned to honestly state their needs immediately upon entering a relationship. This happens throughout Europe and North America. Largely due to the feminist movement, largely due to active involvement in all social processes, women accepted the fact that they are IMPORTANT AND SIGNIFICANT. And in relationships with men as well.

"I matter. My needs matter."

Allow yourself to feel your needs and act in harmony with them.

If you like to cook for yourself, if in principle you like to cook, then do it with pleasure for your man. But don’t pretend to be a busybody just because you think a man needs it.

If you like a string of pearls, sexy stockings and seductive cleavage, if YOU like it, it lifts YOUR mood and increases YOUR libido, rejoice and enjoy it. But don't throw this masquerade just to impress a man. If you yourself can’t stand all these stockings, transparent negligees and seductive lingerie, walk around the house naked and have fun with it.

If you are looking for a long-term relationship with a man and want to start a family, be open about it. Without embarrassment, without fear, without fear. After all, this is your desire, your need. Give the man the opportunity to sincerely respond to her. If marriage is not in his plans, rest assured, he will let you know. And it will be wonderful. In any case, much better than if you were pretending, pretending that you don’t need all this marriage, secretly passionately wanting him and hoping to “somehow cunningly bring him to the registry office.” And remember, saying that you want to start a family (or that you are not going to get married) does not at all mean that you “steer in the relationship,” “play a leading role,” or “put pressure on the man.” This only means that you are honest with yourself and with him.

If you are not going to devote all of yourself to your family and become a housewife, communicate this directly and immediately. But don’t pretend that you are ready to do anything for the sake of your family, hoping that in the future “somehow everything will work out and work out.”

And here's what else. Never fake an orgasm. You have the right to a real one.

If you feel good with yourself, you will feel good with other people - men, women, girlfriends and loved ones.

If you sensitively respond to your needs, know them and accept that they are significant and important, then the need to lie, pretend, be cunning and disingenuous goes away. But instead comes freedom. Freedom to be yourself. Freedom to love another without hurting yourself. Freedom to be loved without hurting yourself. Freedom to create relationships in which everyone feels good.

It is no coincidence that there are many jokes about the obsessive desire of girls to meet their prince, put on a white dress and get married. There comes a time in the life of almost every single woman when she desperately wants a reliable shoulder by her side.

To achieve the goal, all means are good. Especially when we are well over 30 and all our girlfriends have husbands and children. Meeting with them, we listen to endless tirades about family everyday life and, finding ourselves at home in an empty apartment where only a cat is waiting for us, simultaneously remembering that mom and dad have been asking for a son-in-law and grandchildren for a long time, we decide that it’s time for us too. Since there is no point in sitting and waiting for the betrothed, the young ladies take the initiative into their own hands.

1. With such abilities and still not married? We don’t understand what else these men need...

2. How much hope there is on these faces...

3. Someone else's wedding opens wounds.

4. When you are one step away from the goal... She still made him say the cherished “yes”.

5. A gesture of despair or how to meet a locomotive driver?

6. A guest worker’s dream has come true...

7. Choose me, choose me! Participants in the Bride of the Year competition.

8. There is a pensioner in front, but a pioneer in the back!

9. I’ll play the guitar for my prince!

10. The bouquet is caught, but the rivals do not intend to give up.

11. What flexibility! Any poses from the Kama Sutra after registering a marriage without any problems.

12. Even in the garden I am a queen.

13. On the New Year, your most secret dreams come true.

14. I still have a lot of years left, but the bouquet will not be too much for future use.

15. A jump worthy of an Olympic champion.

16. Popular marketing trend.

17. I am looking for a husband purely for the soul. I can hammer a nail myself.

18. I do things the old fashioned way, leaving notes on the hoods of cars.

19. Why beat around the bush?

20. It's done... I'm bragging!

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