Sometimes even the most amazing and beautiful girl can't fall in love, despite really wanting to be in a relationship with someone. Having graduated from university and received a good appointment, the young ladies are gradually approaching the crisis of twenty-five years. They begin to delve into themselves, into their shortcomings, believing that there is really something wrong with them. Why have all of my former classmates been married for a long time, and some of them have already given birth to two children by this time?

Girls who remain single for a long time have nothing in common with man-haters. They are smart and good-looking. They are pleasant, friendly and love romance. Each of them had gone on dates at least eight times in the last couple of months. They always enjoyed the guy's company. The difficulty is that the new relationship does not go beyond the second or third date. They don't feel that proverbial spark. If you recognize yourself in this description, do not ignore this publication. So what are the reasons for your excessive pickiness?

Expectations are too high

When you make a conscious effort in your head to find a great guy, more often than not, you get stuck with high and unrealistic expectations. In fact, you are being hindered by your own thinking and idea of ​​an ideal companion. Love should come from a lightning impulse, and not turn into a competition to choose the best candidate. In the process of planning and making plans, you forget to enjoy the time spent communicating with your potential date.

Too much pressure

If you meet a nice guy in the library or at a conference, you will always find common ground for fruitful communication. Your interest in each other will sooner or later lead to a romantic date. Each of you is eager to know each other more. You just haven’t yet understood who this person is to you. There is nothing wrong. The only problem with this situation seems to be excessive pressure. You're probably just afraid to make a decision.

You are not yet ripe for a serious relationship

Sometimes you refuse a date with your good friend because you don’t want to limit your freedom. Relaxed communication in public places is akin to a veiled date for you. You prefer to spend time with a young man in the library or studying for an exam, but nothing more. This friendship will not go anywhere, and the young man will wait forever. At least you know that if you have a feeling, you can always take a step towards it.

Love comes unexpectedly

If you are making enormous efforts to find your soulmate, know that you don’t have to look for love. She will find you herself. You'll never guess where this will happen. And if you again begin to reproach yourself for being excessively scrupulous, then feel free to quit this thankless task. There is nothing wrong with you, but feelings have no specific algorithm. You don't need to look for perfect character compatibility, compare horoscopes or delve into his achievements. Love will sneak up when you least expect it. And that's great!

Undoubtedly, each of us has thought about the strange fact that at a young age we fall in love more often. And the older we get, the less often this happens to us. People are trying to find different reasons for these circumstances. But often they look for them in the wrong places - rarely does anyone try to find the reasons in themselves.

First, let's try to figure out why we fall in love. What contributes to the fact that this wonderful feeling is born WITHIN US? Actually, the answer to this question is already highlighted in capital letters. Love is born in our hearts when we are ready for it. Then, when we do not forbid Love to be born in our heart. And, most importantly, when we are kind to other people. Not to one, not to two, not to relatives or close friends, but to everyone who surrounds us. Only when we are kind to others, when we do not see them as enemies, are we halfway to falling in love.

Are they not looking for good from good?

Love is built on dedication, on actions towards others, on the desire to make another person’s world a better place. The opposite of this is the feeling of consumption. A person who expects others to act towards him, who consumes more than he gives, will never experience this feeling. Until the internal vectors of the soul change inside his heart.

That is why the Love of a parent for his child and a child for his parent are different in degree of strength and nature. The efforts that a parent puts into raising his child, the feelings that he puts into this, the emotions that he spends on him, are born inside his soul. By performing all these actions, the parent does not expect his child to respond in kind. He will be happy if the child responds with signs of attention that are several times smaller than he does himself. It is enough for him even that the child simply looks like him or does the things he taught him. That is why a parent experiences an inexpressible feeling of happiness when a child calls him daddy, or talks in kindergarten about what a good father he has and how they spent the weekend fishing together, or when a stranger praises his child. At such moments, happiness can be so unbearable that even a man is ready to shed a tear. Why is he so happy? Simply because he did not expect a response to the efforts he made. He raised, protected, taught all sorts of good things and simply gave his Love to the child without expecting anything in return. In itself, this is pleasant and good for him. And having received in response an unexpected and unexpected confirmation that he had not done all this in vain, he plunged into instant and all-consuming happiness.

The child does not experience such strong feelings towards his parent. He is in the role of a consumer. He feels good and comfortable that his parents take care of him, protect him from dangers and give him gifts for the holidays. He cannot experience the deep happiness that shakes up his psyche because he does not invest anything. For him, a parent is simply a part of this world that has always existed and will always exist. Who will protect him and take care of him. A parent is a sense of security. With him he is protected, always fed and free from the problems of the outside world. The child simply has nothing to give in response, and he doesn’t need to, because it’s good enough. And even when he does something for his ancestors, he does it primarily out of a desire to receive confirmation that they were pleased with it. That he liked the drawing he drew for dad on February 23, and his mom will praise him for washing the floor in the kitchen. Having not received praise for what he has done, the child becomes upset and upset. His efforts were not helpful. Having received praise, the child does not become happy. He was just VERY pleased that he guessed that his parents would also be pleased.

The same principles work in relationships between men and women. After all, we were all children. But someone matured and began to behave like a parent. And someone remained a child with his characteristic manner of behavior and attitude. Our bodies have matured and become adults. This happens naturally, due to the peculiarities of physiology. But our souls grow up only if we ourselves want to grow up. If we don’t want to consume, but give.

Unfortunately, most of us remain children. This is why there are so few truly ADULT relationships between a man and a woman. A relationship where everyone gives without expecting anything in return, and when they unexpectedly receive it, they become happy.

Much more often in a relationship, when doing an action, everyone expects to receive a confirmation response that it was not done in vain, and that it is pleasant for the partner. And if you don’t receive it, you get angry at yourself and at your partner, thereby removing a brick from the foundation of the relationship. This happens to each of the partners in such relationships, and sooner or later a moment occurs when the desire to do something nice and good to the other disappears completely. Understanding and trust disappear. The awareness that his partner understands him disappears. And each of them considers the other guilty. Relationships turn from trust into conflict. Irritation and emotional dissatisfaction accumulate.

Such relationships are more like a game between two children, where each is trying to prove their superiority. They are drawn to each other as much as they are repelled. First of all, they are not confident in their strengths and their positions in life and try to prove this by putting pressure on their partner. This is how they assert themselves.

In these relationships, everyone only takes. If they don’t give it to him, he takes it away through blackmail and manipulation, and sometimes outright violence. It is enough to remember WHAT we felt when we said “I Love you” for the first time in our lives - the desire to receive a similar answer in return. And if they didn’t receive it, they felt inconvenience and shame. And probably everyone has at least once encountered, if not personally, then through the example of other people, situations when a partner tries to squeeze this confession out of you by force: “Well, you don’t love me anymore,” which forces you to prove the opposite, giving your partner recognition not because , what the soul requires, but because it is forced, so as not to offend.

Such relationships are called differently: attachment, habit, love. Rarely does anyone call them the Love of their life. Probably also because the meeting of two people who look at the world equally responsibly and in an adult way, who are ready, first of all, to give themselves for the sake of the other, without looking back at whether he gives the same amount, does not happen so often. And when it happens, the couples that are formed as a result live a long time and, as they say: until death, they are used as an example.

Why do we fall in love more often in our youth?

Because the child is ready to turn into an adult. Because he sees the world as bright and kind. As comfortable as home, where there are no dangers. Where nothing is expected of him. Everyone he meets on his way seems to him like his parents - doing something nice for him. And he associates love with the feeling of being given. But where you don’t have to think about what another person needs. At this age, having not yet had time to receive pain from unrequited Love, a person is not afraid of it. The world seems simple and clean, not requiring stress. And when he first receives a love wound, he treats other people more carefully. To people you could potentially fall in love with. He carefully looks at them, checking whether they will give him something or not. The most unpleasant thing in this situation is that that person behaves exactly the same. He, too, fell into the traps of Love. And now he’s simply afraid of pain. Afraid of not being understood, afraid of feelings that may not be mutual.

As we age, we become more cowardly. That makes them less happy.

Do you want to love? Be brave!
To fall in love, to love, you don’t need to be afraid, you don’t need to be wary, you don’t need to wait for the right person. You need to become “suitable” yourself. We need to forget about fear. After all, every person is worthy of Love. Everyone who reads this article will say with confidence: “Yes, I am worthy of Love.” Every! But everyone EXPECTS to be loved. That when they love him, then he will love him too. In the end, everyone waits and no one gives anything to anyone. And you just need to give your Love to another. Give your goods, your heart and understanding to the first person you like. At a minimum, you can make his life better and get great pleasure from it, the same as a Parent gets by giving love to his child, his child. As a maximum - find your TRUE Love. A person who will see in you not a consumer, waiting for attention to his person, of whom there are around - like grass in the forest, but worthy of himself. Someone who is different from those around him... Someone who deserves him.

Pages of men's secrets

Hello, dear readers! In my psychological practice, I often encounter women and men who literally declare their problem right from the start: “I can’t fall in love, what should I do?” Some live. Others simply cannot establish relationships with a partner and reach “another level.” They spend many years searching for that one feeling and suffer greatly.

Today we will talk about this problem. We will try to understand the reasons for the phenomenon, we will understand your attitude towards this feeling and perhaps we will find a way out of the situation.

Mysterious feeling

Despite the fact that people have been falling in love for thousands of years, there is still no consensus on whether. Thousands of psychologists, philosophers and other scientists tried to “dissect” this feeling, but there was no consensus.

Society tends to idealize love, to consider it the highest good, goal and meaning of existence. We are stuffed with stories when one goes to any lengths for the sake of another person, encounters a real one.

No less often we are told about selfish people who have been in peace and harmony for many decades. Is this really possible or do they just have a different understanding of the meaning of the word “love”?

First of all, you should understand what this concept means for you. Even if you haven’t fallen in love with anyone, do you still have an idea of ​​what it should look like?

At the reception, one of the young men answered this question like this: “I want to meet a girl for whom I want to work and earn big money.” Can this be considered a real feeling or does he just need it? for what his nature prevents?

Try. Do you give other people a chance to prove themselves? What exactly do you want to feel? How realistic are your wishes?

What's blocking your love

Undoubtedly, most often we do it ourselves unconsciously. We think: “Something is wrong with me,” but we expect something incredible from our partner or ourselves, a complete change in the situation without much intervention.

The fluttering, sharp desire to sell all your property in order to present it at the feet of your loved one is basically a fairy tale. In life, people just meet, like each other outwardly, then want to communicate a little more than usual, do something together, learn about the strengths and weaknesses of their partner, and then get married or separate.

Rarely does anyone talk about this, but when a girl takes time to think after her cherished love, she doesn’t just torment her lover, but actually weighs whether this feeling is real, whether such a future will suit her, and so on.

If you have never been in love, a possible reason for this may be a reluctance to get closer to another person. Lack of trust in people of the opposite sex, fear of revealing your soul, reluctance to change something in your life.

Ask yourself the question: “Why am I afraid (or don’t want) to really love?”

Start small

Falling in love with a guy or girl means giving yourself to another person. It's really scary. The unknown is always scary. Start small, prepare yourself for this feeling. Get a cat or dog. You will be for another creature, you will become a little softer, more sensual.

Of course, you shouldn't force yourself. If you don’t want to have an animal, don’t like it, or they don’t seem cute and worthy of your tender feelings. Don't rely on someone else to solve your own problems again. It's better to try other methods. If you have ever dreamed of a cat or at least thought about purchasing one, then be sure to look at the ads. Maybe you'll like someone.

Well, one more piece of advice I can give is a book Hellen Fisher "Why We Love". It contains a lot of materials about this feeling: whether it can be controlled, what we are guided by - the heart or the mind, what men and women actually experience, and much more.

Many wonderful books and films have been written about love, but in real life this feeling is even more beautiful - especially when you feel it for a loved one, which reciprocates.

How to fall in love with a guy if he is already nearby and shows signs of attention? Is it possible to induce this feeling in yourself or contribute to its appearance?

What does it mean?

Love- this is a feeling that we perceive literally physically, due to changes in hormonal levels, the release of dopamine and adrenaline.

We feel a pleasant, languid feeling in our chest - where the expression that we love with our hearts comes from.

At the same time, we we experience a strong emotional upsurge, are ready to not sleep or eat for days and feel surprisingly great. And we get all this from a loved one - only he can evoke such feelings.

There is never too much of an object of love - you always want his presence, you don’t get tired of communicating with him, in a bad moment it’s better to be with him, and in a good moment it’s simply great. He saves us from loneliness and shares with us all our joys and troubles - like a real loved one.

And a loved one also gives a feeling of peace - that will always remain with us, no matter what.

Each person has his own concept of love - some value it more explosive feelings, somebody calm and confidence in another person, but all who love are one in one - all this is given to us by another person who is the only one.

I can't love anyone

It happens that a person doesn't have any feelings for anyone- even if someone is looking after him and hopes for reciprocity.

In this case, the following situation quite often happens - thinking rationally, he understands that his admirer or admirer will make a good match for him, but he cannot do one thing - experience emotions, love. Why is this happening?

How to let go of the person you love? Find out about this from ours.

Psychology and reasons

Why can't I fall in love? Causes Reasons why a person fails to experience reciprocal feelings for a partner may be the following:

• Expression of feelings was not accepted in the family; the parents’ communication with the child was initially characterized by coldness and “officiality.”
• I had a negative experience of falling in love with my previous partner.
• a person has a low level and does not allow the possibility of his partner’s reciprocal feelings, as a result of which the rejection of emotions occurs.
• distrust of people caused by humiliation or betrayal in the past.

Also, the reason for the lack of emotions may lie in the partner - lack of mutual interests, different levels of education, unassuming appearance.

How to fall in love? Tips in this video:

Can love for a person come with time?

Love - a feeling that is quite difficult to predict and control, however, there are many examples when people who were close to each other and communicated for a long time even without any hints of falling in love, discovered that this was exactly the person they had been waiting for.

How long does it take for a man or woman to fall in love?

It's quite difficult to predict- it happens that people understand that this is their partner at first sight, but there are also situations in which people fall in love with each other after years.

What to do to love a woman?

In older age, more attention is paid to reliability of a partner, feeling of peace with him. However, no one has canceled the feeling of falling in love among adults.

Organize holidays for each other - take a break from work together, get a charge of good emotions, and then give her a little care - this will in any case find a response in her, give an impetus to her taking care of you.

Let her take care of you and feel how pleasant and calm it is to be around someone who pays attention to you.

How to be loved?

In order to love a person, you need to good to know.

Take an interest in his hobbies - he will tell you a lot of interesting things about his favorite hobby.

This will be the first step towards more learn about him as a person.

Meet him halfway - as a man, he must take the first steps to ensure that your relationship strengthens and develops. If he is shy, hint that you would like more, encourage him.

Do not be shy giving a man a little more attention - all men appreciate it. Tell him more about yourself, hear his stories in return - frankness brings people together.

Remember your youth and have fun with him on a weekend.

Strive to diversify your life while remaining alone - and soon you will feel that in his absence you will already be missing something.

Is it possible to return feelings to my husband?

You can be near each other almost 24 hours a day, seven days a week, and this gives you certain cards in hand.

Try as much as possible diversify your life.

Arrange role-playing games in bed, romantic evenings, outings into nature - everything that will resonate in your feminine heart. Give him compliments and push him to do great things - perhaps you will see a much better side of him that you didn’t know before.

Be honest with him - you can even ask him to tell you in detail about all his exes - perhaps this will make you jealous and understand that he should only be yours.

Don't be afraid of emotions - feel them while being together.

How to love your own husband? Psychologist's advice:

Do you need to force yourself?

If you are trying to love someone - don't force yourself, don't force your feelings- everything should happen in accordance with your inner consent. Trust the wise proverb - you won’t be nice by force.

Why can't I fall in love?

If earlier women practically did not think about the question - why can’t I fall in love - now this situation has a basis more and more often. If you recognize yourself, it's time to think about why this is happening in your life. And as soon as you find the answer to the question posed, doubts will dissipate, and it will be easier for you to survive the situation.

Not ready and don't want a relationship

We are all living people, we each have our own advantages and disadvantages, but this does not mean that we are bad. Although in the case when you do not want to build a relationship for some reason, you perceive what is happening from a critical point of view. It is likely that there is a person in your environment who shows you signs of attention, but everything is past, as they say. For you, he is just a friend, and will remain so.

Didn't let go of past relationships

Don't try to find something new without parting with the old one. Until you let go of everything associated with your previous partner, you will not be able to start another relationship.

Unfortunately, it often happens that people simply do not understand that they are still living in the past. And they don’t realize that constantly returning to what was, prevents them from living on. And wondering why I can’t fall in love, analyze what time you live in.

You have other goals

You can dream about a prince all you want, but if you spend 24 hours a day at your office desk, it’s unlikely that the same one will appear around the corner on a white horse. Although it is quite likely that it will pass, you simply won’t notice it - you are still focused on work.

You can think for a long time about how to fall in love, where to find love, even creating a plan of action. But things don’t always work out the way we imagine. Let go of the situation, probably Her Majesty Fate has other plans for you.

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