The importance of books in a person’s life cannot be overestimated. If you want your child to be well-rounded and successful in life, cultivate in him a love of literature with early years. Of course, in preschool and junior school age you need to choose the easy ones, funny works. If you like to read, then you probably remember funny stories for children from the collection “Deniska's Stories” by V. Dragunsky. What other authors funny stories for children worthy of the attention of young readers? The answers are in our article today.
As we have already said, the first place among funny stories for children is occupied by the book by V. Dragunsky. Children will enjoy his cute and funny stories preschool age, and to young “visitors” primary school. Main character Deniska Korablev daily finds herself in funny and sometimes ridiculous situations that are sure to make little readers smile. "Elephant and Radio", "Knights", " Chicken broth", "Battle of clean river", "Exactly 25 kilos", "Dog Thief" and other stories will be interesting, and most importantly, understandable to children from 5 years old. Download the book.
The collection consists of two children's humorous stories, based on which the famous films of the same name. The plot will especially attract schoolchildren primary classes. The main characters of the first part are two mischievous people who have to spend everything summer holidays visiting strict aunts. Naturally, they do not expect anything fun from this plan, but big surprises await them... The stories described in the book will definitely appeal to your children, especially boys who dream of the most memorable adventure of their childhood!
Mikhail Zoshchenko - famous writer, as well as one of best authors funny stories for children. His collection is rightly recognized as a classic of children's literature. In his stories, he notices funny moments in such a fascinating and in simple language that among the fans of his work there are children even 6 years old! Through light and truthful images, he teaches children to be kind, honest, brave, to strive for knowledge and to act nobly. Children especially hold stories about the heroes Lela and Minka in high esteem.
We also recommend adding “ Humorous stories for children" A. Averchenko, famous " Bad advice"G. Oster, "The Intercom Thief" by E. Rakitina, "Don't Lie" by M. Zoshchenko, "Carousel in the Head" by V. Golovkin, " Smart dog Sonya. Stories" by A. Usachev, "Zateika's Stories" by N. Nosov and all the works of E. Uspensky.
This year, guys, I turned forty years old. So it turns out that I saw forty times Christmas tree. That's a lot!
Well, for the first three years of my life I probably didn’t understand what a Christmas tree was. Mannerically, my mother carried me out in her arms. And I probably looked at the decorated tree with my black little eyes without interest.
And when I, children, turned five years old, I already perfectly understood what a Christmas tree was.
And I was looking forward to it happy holiday. And I even spied through the crack of the door as my mother decorated the Christmas tree.
And my sister Lelya was seven years old at that time. And she was an exceptionally lively girl.
She once told me:
When I was little, I really loved ice cream.
Of course, I still love him. But then it was something special - I loved ice cream so much.
And when, for example, an ice cream maker with his cart was driving down the street, I immediately began to feel dizzy: I wanted so much to eat what the ice cream maker was selling.
And my sister Lelya also exclusively loved ice cream.
I had a grandmother. And she loved me very dearly.
She came to visit us every month and gave us toys. And in addition, she brought with her a whole basket of cakes.
Of all the cakes, she let me choose the one I liked.
But my grandmother didn’t really like my older sister Lelya. And she didn't let her choose the cakes. She herself gave her whatever she needed. And because of this, my sister Lelya whined every time and was more angry with me than with her grandmother.
One fine summer day, my grandmother came to our dacha.
She has arrived at the dacha and is walking through the garden. She has a basket of cakes in one hand and a purse in the other.
I studied for a very long time. There were still gymnasiums back then. And teachers then put marks in the diary for each lesson asked. They gave any score - from five to one inclusive.
And I was very small when I entered the gymnasium, the preparatory class. I was only seven years old.
And I still didn’t know anything about what happens in gymnasiums. And for the first three months I literally walked around in a fog.
And then one day the teacher told us to memorize a poem:
The moon shines merrily over the village,
White snow sparkles with blue light...
My parents loved me very dearly when I was little. And they gave me many gifts.
But when I got sick with something, my parents literally bombarded me with gifts.
And for some reason I got sick very often. Mainly mumps or sore throat.
And my sister Lelya almost never got sick. And she was jealous that I got sick so often.
She said:
Just wait, Minka, I too will somehow fall ill, and then our parents will probably start buying everything for me too.
But, as luck would have it, Lelya was not ill. And only once, putting a chair by the fireplace, she fell and broke her forehead. She groaned and moaned, but instead of the expected gifts, she received several spanks from our mother, because she put a chair near the fireplace and wanted to get her mother’s watch, and this was forbidden.
One day Lelya and I took a box of chocolates and put a frog and a spider in it.
Then we wrapped this box in blank paper, tied it with a chic blue ribbon and put this package on the panel opposite our garden. It was as if someone was walking and lost their purchase.
Having placed this package near the cabinet, Lelya and I hid in the bushes of our garden and, choking with laughter, began to wait for what would happen.
And here comes a passerby.
When he sees our package, he, of course, stops, rejoices and even rubs his hands with pleasure. Of course: he found a box of chocolates - this doesn’t happen very often in this world.
With bated breath, Lelya and I watch what will happen next.
The passerby bent down, took the package, quickly untied it and, seeing the beautiful box, became even more happy.
When I was six years old, I did not know that the Earth is spherical.
But Styopka, the owner’s son, with whose parents we lived at the dacha, explained to me what land was. He said:
The earth is a circle. And if you go straight, you can go around the entire Earth and still end up in the very place you came from.
When I was little, I really loved having dinner with adults. And my sister Lelya also loved such dinners no less than me.
Firstly, a variety of food was placed on the table. And this aspect of the matter especially seduced Lelya and me.
Secondly, adults always told interesting facts from your life. And this amused Lelya and me.
Of course, the first time we were quiet at the table. But then they became bolder. Lelya began to interfere in conversations. She chattered endlessly. And I also sometimes inserted my comments.
Our remarks made the guests laugh. And at first mom and dad were even pleased that the guests saw such our intelligence and such our development.
But then this is what happened at one dinner.
Dad's boss started telling some story incredible story about how he saved a fireman.
Petya was not like that little boy. He was four years old. But my mother considered him completely a tiny child. She spoon-fed him, took him for walks by the hand, and dressed him herself in the morning.
One day Petya woke up in his bed. And his mother began to dress him. So she dressed him and put him on his legs near the bed. But Petya suddenly fell. Mom thought he was being naughty and put him back on his feet. But he fell again. Mom was surprised and placed it near the crib for the third time. But the child fell again.
Mom got scared and called dad at the service on the phone.
She told dad:
Come home quickly. Something happened to our boy - he can’t stand on his legs.
When the war began, Kolya Sokolov could count to ten. Of course, it’s not enough to count to ten, but there are children who can’t even count to ten.
For example, I knew one little girl Lyalya who could only count to five. And how did she count? She said: “One, two, four, five.” And I missed “three”. Is this a bill? This is downright ridiculous.
No, it is unlikely that such a girl will become a scientist or a mathematics professor in the future. Most likely, she will be a domestic worker or a junior janitor with a broom. Since she's so incapable of numbers.
Works are divided into pagesZoshchenko's stories
When in distant years Mikhail Zoshchenko wrote his famous children's stories, then he was not at all thinking about the fact that everyone would laugh at the cocky boys and girls. The writer wanted to help children become good people. Series " Zoshchenko's stories for children" matches school curriculum literary training for junior school classes. It is primarily addressed to children who are between the ages of seven and eleven years and includes Zoshchenko's stories various topics, trends and genres.
Here we have collected wonderful children's stories by Zoshchenko, read which is a great pleasure, because Mikhail Mahailovich was a true master of words. M. Zoshchenko's stories are filled with kindness; the writer was unusually able to portray children's characters, the atmosphere of the most youth filled with naivety and purity.
Competition for the funniest literary opus
Send us withyour short funny stories,
really happened in your life.
Wonderful prizes await the winners!
Be sure to indicate:
1. Last name, first name, age
2. Title of the work
3. Email address
Winners are determined in three age groups:
Group 1 - up to 7 years old
Group 2 - from 7 to 10 years old
Group 3 - over 10 years old
Competition works:
Didn't deceive...
This morning, as usual, I go for a light jog. Suddenly a cry from behind - uncle, uncle! I stop and see a girl about 11-12 years old with a Caucasian Shepherd dog rushing towards me, continuing to shout: “Uncle, uncle!” I, thinking that something happened, go towards it. When there were 5 meters left before our meeting, the girl was able to say the phrase to the end:
Uncle, I'm sorry, but she's going to bite you!!!
Didn't deceive...
Sofya Batrakova, 10 years old
Salty tea
It happened one morning. I got up and went to the kitchen to drink tea. I did everything automatically: poured the tea leaves, boiling water and put 2 spoons granulated sugar. She sat down at the table and began to drink tea with pleasure, but it was not sweet tea, but salty! When I woke up, I put salt instead of sugar.
My relatives made fun of me for a long time.
Guys, draw conclusions: go to bed on time so as not to drink salty tea in the morning!!!
Agata Popova, student of Municipal Educational Institution "Secondary School No. 2, Kondopoga
Quiet hour for seedlings
The grandmother and her grandson decided to plant tomato seedlings. Together they poured soil, planted seeds, and watered them. Every day the grandson looked forward to the appearance of sprouts. So the first shoots appeared. How much joy there was! The seedlings grew by leaps and bounds. One evening, the grandmother told her grandson that tomorrow morning we would go to the garden to plant seedlings... In the morning, the grandmother woke up early, and what a surprise she was: all the seedlings were lying there. The grandmother asks her grandson: “What happened to our seedlings?” And the grandson proudly replies: “I put our seedlings to sleep!”
School snake
After the summer, after the summer
I'm flying on wings to class!
Together again - Kolya, Sveta,
Olya, Tolya, Katya, Stas!
How many stamps and postcards,
Butterflies, beetles, snails.
Stones, glass, shells.
Variegated cuckoo eggs.
This is a hawk's claw.
Here is the herbarium! - Don't touch it!
I take it out of my bag,
What would you think?.. A snake!
Where is the noise and laughter now?
It’s like the wind blew everyone away!
Dasha Balashova, 11 years old
Rabbit peace
One day I went to the market to do some shopping. I stood in line for meat, and a guy stood in front of me, looked at the meat, and there was a sign with the inscription “Rabbit of the World.” The guy probably didn’t immediately understand that “Rabbit of the World” is the name of the saleswoman, and now his turn comes, and he says: “Give me 300-400 grams of the rabbit of the world,” he says - very interesting, I’ve never tried it. The saleswoman looks up and says: “Mira Rabbit is me.” The whole line was just lying there laughing.
Nastya Bogunenko, 14 years old
Competition winner – Ksyusha Alekseeva, 11 years old,
who sent this funny joke:
I am Pushkin!
One day in fourth grade we were assigned to learn a poem. Finally the day came when everyone had to tell it. Andrey Alekseev was the first to go to the board (he has nothing to lose, because his name is in front of everyone else in the class magazine). So he recited a poem expressively, and the literature teacher, who came to our lesson to replace our teacher, asks his first and last name. And it seemed to Andrey that he was asked to name the author of the poem he had learned. Then he said so confidently and loudly: “Alexander Pushkin.” Then the whole class roared with laughter along with the new teacher.
COMPETITION CLOSED
Current page: 1 (book has 3 pages in total) [available reading passage: 1 pages]
Eduard Uspensky
Funny stories for children
© Uspensky E. N., 2013
© Ill., Oleynikov I. Yu., 2013
© Ill., Pavlova K. A., 2013
© AST Publishing House LLC, 2015
* * *
About the boy Yasha
How the boy Yasha climbed everywhere
The boy Yasha always loved to climb everywhere and get into everything. As soon as they brought any suitcase or box, Yasha immediately found himself in it.
And he climbed into all sorts of bags. And into the closets. And under the tables.
Mom often said:
“I’m afraid that if I go to the post office with him, he’ll get into some empty parcel and they’ll send him to Kzyl-Orda.”
He got a lot of trouble for this.
And then Yasha new fashion took it and began to fall from everywhere. When the house heard:
- Uh! – everyone understood that Yasha had fallen from somewhere. And the louder the “uh” was, the greater the altitude from which Yasha flew. For example, mom hears:
- Uh! - that means it’s okay. It was Yasha who simply fell off his stool.
If you hear:
- Uh-uh! - this means the matter is very serious. It was Yasha who fell off the table. We need to go and inspect his lumps. And when visiting, Yasha climbed everywhere, and even tried to climb onto the shelves in the store.
One day dad said:
“Yasha, if you climb anywhere else, I don’t know what I’ll do to you.” I'll tie you to the vacuum cleaner with ropes. And you will walk everywhere with a vacuum cleaner. And you will go to the store with your mother with a vacuum cleaner, and in the yard you will play in the sand tied to the vacuum cleaner.
Yasha was so scared that after these words he didn’t climb anywhere for half a day.
And then he finally climbed onto dad’s table and fell down along with the phone. Dad took it and actually tied it to the vacuum cleaner.
Yasha walks around the house, and the vacuum cleaner follows him like a dog. And he goes to the store with his mother with a vacuum cleaner, and plays in the yard. Very inconvenient. You can't climb a fence or ride a bike.
But Yasha learned to turn on the vacuum cleaner. Now, instead of “uh”, “uh-uh” began to be heard constantly.
As soon as mom sits down to knit socks for Yasha, suddenly all over the house - “oo-oo-oo”. Mom is jumping up and down.
We decided to come to an amicable agreement. Yasha was untied from the vacuum cleaner. And he promised not to climb anywhere else. Dad said:
– This time, Yasha, I will be stricter. I'll tie you to a stool. And I’ll nail the stool to the floor. And you will live with a stool, like a dog with a kennel.
Yasha was very afraid of such punishment.
But then a very wonderful opportunity turned up - we bought a new wardrobe.
First Yasha climbed into the closet. He sat in the closet for a long time, banging his forehead against the walls. This is an interesting matter. Then I got bored and went out.
He decided to climb onto the closet.
Yasha moved towards the closet dining table and climbed on it. But I didn’t reach the top of the closet.
Then he put it on the table light chair. He climbed onto the table, then onto the chair, then onto the back of the chair and began to climb onto the closet. I'm already halfway across.
And then the chair slipped out from under his feet and fell to the floor. And Yasha remained half on the closet, half in the air.
Somehow he climbed onto the closet and fell silent. Try telling your mom:
- Oh, mom, I’m sitting on the closet!
Mom will immediately transfer him to a stool. And he will live like a dog all his life near the stool.
Here he sits and is silent. Five minutes, ten minutes, five more minutes. In general, almost a whole month. And Yasha slowly began to cry.
And mom hears: Yasha can’t hear something.
And if you can’t hear Yasha, it means Yasha is doing something wrong. Or he chews matches, or he climbed up to his knees into the aquarium, or he draws Cheburashka on his father’s papers.
Mom became in different places take a look. And in the closet, and in the nursery, and in dad’s office. And there is order everywhere: dad works, the clock is ticking. And if there is order everywhere, it means that something difficult must have happened to Yasha. Something extraordinary.
Mom screams:
- Yasha, where are you?
But Yasha is silent.
- Yasha, where are you?
But Yasha is silent.
Then mom started thinking. He sees a chair lying on the floor. He sees that the table is not in place. He sees Yasha sitting on the closet.
Mom asks:
- Well, Yasha, are you going to sit on the closet all your life now, or are we going to climb down?
Yasha doesn't want to go down. He is afraid that he will be tied to a stool.
He says:
- I won’t get down.
Mom says:
- Okay, let's live on the closet. Now I'll bring you lunch.
She brought Yasha soup in a plate, a spoon and bread, and a small table and a stool.
Yasha was having lunch on the closet.
Then his mother brought him a potty on the closet. Yasha was sitting on the potty.
And in order to wipe his butt, mom had to stand on the table herself.
At this time, two boys came to visit Yasha.
Mom asks:
- Well, should you serve Kolya and Vitya for the cupboard?
Yasha says:
- Serve.
And then dad couldn’t stand it from his office:
“Now I’ll come and visit him at his closet.” Yes, not just one, but with a strap. Remove it from the cabinet immediately.
They took Yasha out of the closet, and he said:
“Mom, the reason I didn’t get off is because I’m afraid of the stool.” Dad promised to tie me to the stool.
“Oh, Yasha,” says mom, “you’re still little.” You don't understand jokes. Go play with the guys.
But Yasha understood jokes.
But he also understood that dad didn’t like to joke.
He can easily tie Yasha to a stool. And Yasha didn’t climb anywhere else.
How the boy Yasha ate poorly
Yasha was good to everyone, but he ate poorly. All the time with concerts. Either mom sings to him, then dad shows him tricks. And he gets along well:
- Don't want.
Mom says:
- Yasha, eat your porridge.
- Don't want.
Dad says:
- Yasha, drink juice!
- Don't want.
Mom and Dad are tired of trying to persuade him every time. And then my mother read in one scientific pedagogical book that children do not need to be persuaded to eat. You need to put a plate of porridge in front of them and wait until they get hungry and eat everything.
They set and placed plates in front of Yasha, but he didn’t eat or eat anything. He doesn’t eat cutlets, soup, or porridge. He became thin and dead, like a straw.
- Yasha, eat your porridge!
- Don't want.
- Yasha, eat your soup!
- Don't want.
Previously, his pants were difficult to fasten, but now he was hanging out completely freely in them. It was possible to put another Yasha in these pants.
And then one day a strong wind blew.
And Yasha was playing in the area. He was very light, and the wind blew him around the area. I rolled to the wire mesh fence. And there Yasha got stuck.
So he sat, pressed against the fence by the wind, for an hour.
Mom calls:
- Yasha, where are you? Go home and suffer with the soup.
But he doesn't come. You can't even hear him. He not only became dead, but his voice also became dead. You can't hear anything about him squeaking there.
And he squeaks:
- Mom, take me away from the fence!
Mom began to worry - where did Yasha go? Where to look for it? Yasha is neither seen nor heard.
Dad said this:
“I think our Yasha was blown away somewhere by the wind.” Come on, mom, we'll take the pot of soup out onto the porch. The wind will blow and bring the smell of soup to Yasha. He will come crawling to this delicious smell.
And so they did. They took the pot of soup out onto the porch. The wind carried the smell to Yasha.
Yasha, how I smelled it delicious soup, immediately crawled towards the smell. Because I was cold and lost a lot of strength.
He crawled, crawled, crawled for half an hour. But I achieved my goal. He came to his mother’s kitchen and immediately ate a whole pot of soup! How can he eat three cutlets at once? How can he drink three glasses of compote?
Mom was amazed. She didn't even know whether to be happy or sad. She says:
“Yasha, if you eat like this every day, I won’t have enough food.”
Yasha reassured her:
- No, mom, I won’t eat that much every day. This is me correcting past mistakes. I will, like all children, eat well. I'll be a completely different boy.
He wanted to say “I will,” but he came up with “bubu.” Do you know why? Because his mouth was stuffed with an apple. He couldn't stop.
Since then, Yasha has been eating well.
Cook boy Yasha stuffed everything into his mouth
The boy Yasha had this strange habit: whatever he saw, he immediately put it in his mouth. If he sees a button, put it in his mouth. If he sees dirty money, put it in his mouth. When he sees a nut lying on the ground, he also tries to stuff it into his mouth.
- Yasha, this is very harmful! Well, spit out this piece of iron.
Yasha argues and doesn’t want to spit it out. I have to force it all out of his mouth. At home they began to hide everything from Yasha.
And buttons, and thimbles, and small toys, and even lighters. There was simply nothing left to stuff into a person’s mouth.
What about on the street? You can’t clean everything on the street...
And when Yasha arrives, dad takes tweezers and takes everything out of Yasha’s mouth:
- Coat button - one.
- Beer cap - two.
– A chrome screw from a Volvo car – three.
One day dad said:
- All. We will treat Yasha, we will save Yasha. We'll cover his mouth with an adhesive plaster.
And they really began to do so. Yasha is getting ready to go outside - they will put a coat on him, tie his shoes, and then they shout:
- Where did our adhesive plaster go?
When they find the adhesive plaster, they will stick such a strip on Yasha’s half of his face - and walk as much as you want. You can't put anything in your mouth anymore. Very convenient.
Only for parents, not for Yasha.
How is it for Yasha? The children ask him:
- Yasha, are you going to ride on the swing?
Yasha says:
- On what kind of swing, Yasha, rope or wooden?
Yasha wants to say: “Of course, on ropes. What am I, a fool?
And he succeeds:
- Bubu-bu-bu-bukh. Bo bang bang?
- What, what? - the children ask.
- Bo bang bang? - Yasha says and runs to the ropes.
One girl, very pretty, with a runny nose, Nastya asked Yasha:
- Yafa, Yafenka, will you come to me for fen day?
He wanted to say: “I’ll come, of course.”
But he answered:
- Boo-boo-boo, bonefno.
Nastya will cry:
- Why is he teasing?
And Yasha was left without Nastenka’s birthday.
And there they served ice cream.
But Yasha no longer brought home any buttons, nuts, or empty perfume bottles.
One day Yasha came from the street and firmly told his mother:
- Baba, I won’t baboo!
And although Yasha had an adhesive plaster on his mouth, his mother understood everything.
And you guys also understood everything he said. Is it true?
How the boy Yasha ran around the shops all the time
When mom came to the store with Yasha, she usually held Yasha’s hand. And Yasha kept getting out of it.
At first it was easy for mom to hold Yasha.
She had her hands free. But when the purchases appeared in her hands, Yasha got out more and more.
And when he got completely out of it, he started running around the store. First across the store, then along further and further.
Mom caught him all the time.
But one day my mother’s hands were completely full. She bought fish, beets and bread. This is where Yasha started to run away. And how he will crash into one old lady! Grandma just sat down.
And the grandmother in her hands had a half-rag suitcase with potatoes. How the suitcase opens! How the potatoes will crumble! The whole store began collecting it for grandma and putting it in a suitcase. And Yasha also began to bring potatoes.
One uncle felt very sorry for the old lady, he put an orange in her suitcase. Huge, like a watermelon.
And Yasha felt embarrassed that he sat his grandmother down on the floor; he put his most expensive toy gun in her suitcase.
The gun was a toy, but just like a real one. You could even use it to kill anyone you wanted for real. Just for fun. Yasha never parted with him. He even slept with this gun.
In general, all the people saved the grandmother. And she went somewhere.
Yasha’s mother raised him for a long time. She said that he would destroy my mother. That mom is ashamed to look people in the eyes. And Yasha promised not to run like that again. And they went to another store for sour cream. Only Yasha’s promises did not last long in Yasha’s head. And he started running again.
At first a little, then more and more. And it must happen that the old woman came to the same store to buy margarine. She walked slowly and did not appear there right away.
As soon as she appeared, Yasha immediately crashed into her.
The old woman didn’t even have time to gasp when she found herself on the floor again. And everything in her suitcase fell apart again.
Then the grandmother began to swear heavily:
- What kind of children are these? You can't go into any store! They immediately rush at you. When I was little, I never ran like that. If I had a gun, I would shoot such children!
And everyone sees that the grandmother really has a gun in her hands. Very, very real.
The senior salesman will shout to the whole store:
- Get down!
Everyone died like that.
The senior salesman, lying down, continues:
– Don’t worry, citizens, I’ve already called the police with a button. This saboteur will soon be arrested.
Mom says to Yasha:
- Come on, Yasha, let’s crawl out of here quietly. This grandma is too dangerous.
Yasha answers:
“She’s not dangerous at all.” This is my pistol. Last time I put it in her suitcase. There is no need to be afraid.
Mom says:
- So this is your gun?! Then you need to be even more afraid. Don't crawl, but run away from here! Because now it’s not my grandmother who’s going to get hurt by the police, but us. And at my age all I needed was to get into the police. And after that they will take you into account. Nowadays crime is strict.
They quietly disappeared from the store.
But after this incident, Yasha never ran into stores. He didn’t wander from corner to corner like crazy. On the contrary, he helped my mother. Mom gave him the biggest bag.
And one day Yasha saw this grandmother with a suitcase in the store again. He was even happy. He said:
- Look, mom, this grandmother has already been released!
How the boy Yasha and one girl decorated themselves
One day Yasha and his mother came to visit another mother. And this mother had a daughter, Marina. Same age as Yasha, only older.
Yasha's mother and Marina's mother got busy. They drank tea and exchanged children's clothes. And the girl Marina called Yasha into the hallway. And says:
- Come on, Yasha, let's play hairdresser. To the beauty salon.
Yasha immediately agreed. When he heard the word “play”, he dropped everything he was doing: porridge, books, and broom. He even looked away from cartoon films if he had to act. And he had never played barbershop before.
Therefore, he immediately agreed:
She and Marina installed daddy’s swivel chair near the mirror and sat Yasha on it. Marina brought a white pillowcase, wrapped Yasha in the pillowcase and said:
- How should I cut your hair? Leave the temples?
Yasha answers:
- Of course, leave it. But you don’t have to leave it.
Marina got down to business. She used large scissors to cut off everything unnecessary from Yasha, leaving only the temples and tufts of hair that were not cut off. Yasha looked like a tattered pillow.
– Should I freshen you up? – asks Marina.
“Refresh,” says Yasha. Although he is already fresh, still very young.
Marina cold water She put it in her mouth as if she were spraying it on Yasha. Yasha will scream:
Mom doesn't hear anything. And Marina says:
- Oh, Yasha, there’s no need to call your mother. You'd better cut my hair.
Yasha did not refuse. He also wrapped Marina in a pillowcase and asked:
- How should I cut your hair? Should you leave some pieces?
“I need to be tricked,” says Marina.
Yasha understood everything. He took my father’s chair by the handle and began to spin Marina.
He twisted and twisted, and even began to stumble.
- Enough? - asks.
- What's enough? – asks Marina.
- Wind it up.
“That’s enough,” says Marina. And she disappeared somewhere.
Then Yasha’s mother came. She looked at Yasha and screamed:
- Lord, what did they do to my child!!!
“Marina and I were playing hairdresser,” Yasha reassured her.
Only my mother was not happy, but got terribly angry and quickly began to dress Yasha: stuff him into his jacket.
- And what? - says Marina’s mother. - They cut his hair well. Your child is simply unrecognizable. A completely different boy.
Yasha’s mother is silent. The unrecognizable Yasha is buttoned up.
The mother of the girl Marina continues:
– Our Marina is such an inventor. He always comes up with something interesting.
“Nothing, nothing,” says Yasha’s mother, “the next time you come to us, we will also come up with something interesting.” We will open a “Quick Clothes Repair” or a dyeing workshop. You won't recognize your child either.
And they quickly left.
At home, Yasha and dad flew in:
- It’s good that you didn’t play dentist. If only you were Yafa bef zubof!
Since then, Yasha chose his games very carefully. And he wasn’t angry with Marina at all.
How the boy Yasha loved to walk through puddles
The boy Yasha had this habit: when he sees a puddle, he immediately walks into it. He stands and stands and stamps his foot some more.
Mom persuades him:
- Yasha, puddles are not for children.
But he still gets into puddles. And even to the deepest.
They catch him, pull him out of one puddle, and he’s already standing in another, stamping his feet.
Okay, in the summer it’s tolerable, just wet, that’s all. But now autumn has come. Every day the puddles are getting colder, and it’s getting harder to dry your boots. They take Yasha outside, he runs through the puddles, gets wet to the waist, and that’s it: he has to go home to dry.
All children autumn forest walking, collecting leaves in bouquets. They swing on a swing.
And Yasha is taken home to dry.
They put him on the radiator to warm up, and his boots hang on a rope over the gas stove.
And mom and dad noticed that the more Yasha stood in puddles, the stronger his cold. He begins to have a runny nose and cough. Snot is pouring out of Yasha, there are not enough handkerchiefs.
Yasha noticed this too. And dad told him:
“Yasha, if you run around in puddles any more, you’ll not only have snot in your nose, you’ll have frogs in your nose.” Because you have a whole swamp in your nose.
Yasha, of course, didn’t really believe it.
But one day dad took the handkerchief in which Yasha was blowing his nose and put two little green frogs in it.
He made them himself. Carved from gooey chewy candies. There are rubber candies for children called “Bunty-plunty”. And mom put this scarf in Yasha’s locker for her things.
As soon as Yasha came back from a walk all wet, his mother said:
- Come on, Yasha, let's blow our nose. Let's get the snot out of you.
Mom took a handkerchief from the shelf and put it to Yasha’s nose. Yasha, let's blow your nose as hard as you can. And suddenly mom sees something moving in the scarf. Mom will be scared from head to toe.
- Yasha, what is this?
And he shows Yasha two frogs.
Yasha will also be scared, because he remembered what his dad told him.
Mom asks again:
- Yasha, what is this?
Yasha answers:
- Frogs.
-Where are they from?
- From me.
Mom asks:
- And how many of them are there in you?
Yasha himself doesn’t know. He says:
“That’s it, mom, I won’t run through puddles anymore.” My dad told me it would end like this. Blow my nose again. I want all the frogs to fall out of me.
Mom began to blow his nose again, but there were no more frogs.
And mother tied these two frogs on a string and carried them with her in her pocket. As soon as Yasha runs up to the puddle, she pulls the string and shows Yasha the frogs.
Yasha immediately - stop! And don’t step into a puddle! A very good boy.
How the boy Yasha drew everywhere
We bought pencils for the boy Yasha. Bright, colorful. A lot - about ten. Yes, apparently we were in a hurry.
Mom and Dad thought that Yasha would sit in the corner behind the closet and draw Cheburashka in a notebook. Or flowers, different houses. Cheburashka is best. It's a pleasure to draw him. Four circles in total. Circle the head, circle the ears, circle the belly. And then scratch your paws, that’s all. Both the children and the parents are happy.
Only Yasha did not understand what they were aiming at. He began to draw scribbles. As soon as he sees where the white piece of paper is, he immediately draws a scribble.
First, I drew scribbles on all the white sheets of paper on my dad’s desk. Then in my mother’s notebook: where his (Yashina’s) mother wrote down her bright thoughts.
And then anywhere in general.
Mom comes to the pharmacy to get some medicine and gives a prescription through the window.
“We don’t have such a medicine,” says the pharmacist’s aunt. – Scientists have not yet invented such a medicine.
Mom looks at the recipe, and there are only scribbles drawn there, nothing can be seen under them. Mom, of course, is angry:
“Yasha, if you’re ruining the paper, you should at least draw a cat or a mouse.”
Next time mom opens notebook, to call another mother, and there is such joy - a mouse is drawn. Mom even dropped the book. She was so scared.
And Yasha drew this.
Dad comes to the clinic with a passport. They tell him:
“Are you, citizen, just out of prison, so skinny!” From prison?
- Why else? - Dad is surprised.
– You can see the red grille in your photo.
Dad was so angry with Yasha at home that he took away his red pencil, the brightest one.
And Yasha turned around even more. He began to draw scribbles on the walls. I took it and colored all the flowers on the wallpaper with a pink pencil. Both in the hallway and in the living room. Mom was horrified:
- Yasha, guard! Are there checkered flowers?
He has pink pencil taken away. Yasha was not very upset. The next day he’s wearing all the straps on his mother’s white shoes green painted. And he painted the handle on my mother’s white purse green.
Mom goes to the theater, and her shoes and handbag, like a young clown, catch your eye. For this Yasha received a light slap in the ass (for the first time in his life), and green pencil it was taken away from him too.
“We have to do something,” says dad. – So far, ours has all the pencils young talent run out, he will turn the whole house into a coloring book.
They began to give pencils to Yasha only under the supervision of elders. Either his mother is watching him, or his grandmother will be called. But they are not always free.
And then the girl Marina came to visit.
Mom said:
- Marina, you are already big. Here are your pencils, you and Yasha can draw. There are cats and muscles there. This is how a cat is drawn. Mouse - like this.
Yasha and Marina understood everything and let’s create cats and mice everywhere. First on paper. Marina will draw a mouse:
- This is my mouse.
Yasha will draw a cat:
- This is my cat. She ate your mouse.
“My mouse had a sister,” says Marina. And he draws another mouse nearby.
“And my cat also had a sister,” says Yasha. - She ate your mouse sister.
“And my mouse had another sister,” Marina draws the mouse on the refrigerator to get away from Yasha’s cats.
Yasha also switches to the refrigerator.
- And my cat had two sisters.
So they moved throughout the apartment. More and more sisters appeared in our mice and cats.
Yasha’s mother finished talking with Marina’s mother, she looked - the whole apartment was covered in mice and cats.
“Guard,” she says. – Just three years ago the renovation was done!
They called dad. Mom asks:
- Shall we wash it off? Are we going to renovate the apartment?
Dad says:
- No way. Let's leave it like that.
- For what? - asks mom.
- That's why. When our Yasha grows up, let him look at this disgrace with adult eyes. Let him feel ashamed then.
Otherwise, he simply won’t believe us that he could have been so disgraceful as a child.
And Yasha was already ashamed. Although he is still small. He said:
- Dad and Mom, you repair everything. I will never draw on the walls again! I will only be in the album.
And Yasha kept his word. He himself didn’t really want to draw on the walls. It was his girl Marina who led him astray.
Whether in the garden or in the vegetable garden
The raspberries have grown.
It's a pity there's more
Doesn't come to us
Girl Marina.
Attention! This is an introductory fragment of the book.
If you liked the beginning of the book, then full version can be purchased from our partner - distributor of legal content, LLC liters.
You can read “Deniska’s Stories” at any age and several times and it will still be funny and interesting! Since V. Dragunsky's book "Deniska's Stories" was first published, readers have loved these funny, humorous stories so much that this book is being reprinted and republished. And probably there is no schoolchild who would not know Deniska Korablev, who became for the children different generations with his boyfriend - he’s so similar to his classmates who find themselves in funny, sometimes ridiculous situations...
2) Zak A., Kuznetsov I. "Summer is gone. Save a drowning man. Humorous film stories"(7-12 years old)
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The collection includes two humorous film stories by Avenir Zak and Isai Kuznetsov, famous Soviet playwrights and screenwriters.
At first, the heroes of the first story do not expect anything good from the upcoming holidays. What could be more boring than going to three probably strict aunties for the whole summer? That's right - nothing! So, summer is gone. But in fact, it’s quite the opposite...
What should you do if all your friends are in the photo in the local newspaper, but you are not? This is so offensive! Andrei Vasilkov really wants to prove that he is also capable of feats...
Stories about the cheerful summer adventures of unlucky and mischievous boys formed the basis for the scripts of two of the same name feature films, one of which, “Summer Is Lost,” was directed by Rolan Bykov. Illustrated the book outstanding master book graphics Heinrich Valk.
3) Averchenko A. "Humorous stories for children"(8-13 years old)
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The heroes of these funny stories- boys and girls, as well as their parents, educators and teachers, who were once children themselves, but not all of them remember this. The author doesn't just entertain the reader; he gives lessons unobtrusively adult life children and reminds adults that their childhood should never be forgotten.
4) Oster G. "Bad advice", "Problem book", "Petka the microbe"(6-12 years old)
Famous Bad Advice
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Petka-microbe
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Not all germs are harmful. Petka is just useful. Without people like him, we won’t see either sour cream or kefir. There are so many microbes in one drop of water that it is impossible to count them. To see these little ones, you need a microscope. But maybe they are also looking at us - from the other side of the magnifying glass? The writer G. Oster wrote a whole book about the life of microbes - Petka and his family.
Problem book
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The word "Problem Book" on the cover of the book is not that attractive. For many it is boring and even scary. But “Grigor Oster’s Problem Book” is a completely different matter! Every schoolchild and every parent knows that these are not just tasks, but terribly funny stories about forty grandmothers, the baby Kuzya of the circus artist Khudyushchenko, worms, flies, Vasilisa the Wise and Koshchei the Immortal, pirates, as well as Mryaka, Bryaku, Khryamzik and Slyunik. Well, to make it really funny, right until you drop, you need to count something in these stories. Multiply someone by something or, conversely, divide it. Add something to something, and maybe take something away from someone. And get main result: prove that mathematics is not a boring science!
5) Vangeli S. "The Adventures of Gugutse", "Chubo from the village of Turturika"(6-12 years old)
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These are absolutely wonderful atmospheric stories with very unique humor and a pronounced national Moldovan flavor! Children are delighted with fascinating stories about the cheerful and brave Gugutse and the naughty Chubo.
6) Zoshchenko M. "Stories for Children"(6-12 years old)
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MY-SHOP Lelya and Minka. Stories
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Zoshchenko knew how to find the funny in life and notice the comic even in the most serious situations. He also knew how to write in such a way that every child could easily understand him. That is why Zoshchenko's "Stories for Children" are recognized as classics of children's literature. In his humorous stories for children, the writer teaches the younger generation to be brave, kind, honest and smart. These are indispensable stories for the development and education of children. They cheerfully, naturally and unobtrusively instill in the children the main life values. After all, if you look back at your own childhood, it is not difficult to notice what an influence the stories about Lela and Minka, the coward Vasya, the smart bird and other characters from stories for children written by M.M. once had on us. Zoshchenko.
7) Rakitina E. "The intercom thief"(6-10 years)
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Elena Rakitina writes touching, instructive, and most importantly, extremely funny stories! Their heroes, the inseparable Mishka and Egorka, are third-graders who are never bored. The adventures of boys at home and at school, their dreams and travels will not let young readers get bored!
Open this book as soon as possible, meet the guys who know how to be friends, and they will be happy to welcome everyone who loves fun reading into the company!
Stories about Mishka and Yegorka were awarded the International Children's Medal literary prize them. V. Krapivina (2010), diploma Literary competition them. V. Golyavkina (2014), diplomas from the All-Russian literary and artistic magazine for schoolchildren "Koster" (2008 and 2012).
8) L. Kaminsky "Lessons in laughter"(7-12 years old)
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MY-SHOP Laughter lessons
MY-SHOP History of the Russian state in excerpts from school essays
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What are the most interesting lessons at school? For some children - mathematics, for others - geography, for others - literature. But there's nothing more fun than lessons laughter, especially if they are led by the most cheerful teacher in the world - the writer Leonid Kaminsky. From mischievous and funny children's stories, he collected a real collection of school humor.
9) Collection "The Funniest Stories"(7-12 years old)
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The collection contains exclusively funny stories by various authors, including V. Dragunsky, L. Panteleev, V. Oseeva, M. Korshunov, V. Golyavkin, L. Kaminsky, I. Pivovarova, S. Makhotin, M. Druzhinina.
10) N. Teffi Humorous stories(8-14 years old)
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MY-SHOP Exciting word creation
MY-SHOP Kishmish and others
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Nadezhda Teffi (1872-1952) did not write specifically for children. This “queen of Russian humor” had an exclusively adult audience. But those stories of the writer that are written about children are unusually lively, cheerful and witty. And the children in these stories are simply charming - spontaneous, unlucky, naive and incredibly sweet, however, like all children at all times. Getting to know the works of N. Teffi will bring a lot of joy to both young readers and their parents. Read with the whole family!
11) V. Golyavkin "Carousel in the head"(7-10 years)
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If everyone knows Nosov and Dragunsky, then Golyavkin is for some reason much less known (and completely undeservedly). The acquaintance turns out to be very pleasant - light ironic stories describing simple everyday situations, close and understandable to children. In addition, the book contains the story "My good dad", written by the same accessible language, but much more emotionally rich - short stories, permeated with love and light sadness for their father who died in the war.
12) M. Druzhinina "My fun day off"(6-10 years)
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The book by the famous children's writer Marina Druzhinina includes funny stories and poems about modern boys and girls. What happens to these inventors and mischievous people at school and at home! The book “My Happy Day Off” was awarded a diploma from the S.V. Mikhalkov International Literary Prize “Clouds”.
13) V. Alenikov "The Adventures of Petrov and Vasechkin"(8-12 years old)
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Everyone who was once little knows Vasya Petrov and Petya Vasechkin in much the same way as their classmates. At the end of the 80s, there was not a single teenager who did not become friends with them thanks to the films of Vladimir Alenikov.
These long-time teenagers grew up and became parents, but Petrov and Vasechkin remained the same and still love ordinary and incredible adventures, they are in love with Masha and are ready to do anything for her. Even learn to swim, speak French and sing serenades.
14) I. Pivovarova "What is my head thinking about"(7-12 years old)
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The book by the famous children's writer Irina Pivovarova includes funny stories and stories about the funny adventures of third-grader Lucy Sinitsyna and her friends. The extraordinary stories full of humor that happen to this inventor and prankster will be read with pleasure not only by children, but also by their parents.
15) V. Medvedev "Barankin, be a man"(8-12 years old)
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The story "Barankin, be a man!" - the most famous book by the writer V. Medvedev - tells about the hilariously hilarious adventures of schoolchildren friends Yura Barankin and Kostya Malinin. In search of a carefree life, in which they don’t give bad grades and don’t give any lessons at all, the friends decided to turn... into sparrows. And they turned! And then - into butterflies, then - into ants... But easy life They didn't succeed among birds and insects. Quite the opposite happened. After all the transformations, returning to ordinary life, Barankin and Malinin realized what a blessing it is to live among people and to be human!
16) About Henry "Chief of the Redskins"(8-14 years old)
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The story of unlucky kidnappers who stole a child in order to obtain a ransom for him. As a result, tired of the boy’s tricks, they were forced to pay his father to rid them of the little robber.
17) A. Lindgren "Emil from Lenneberga", "Pippi Longstocking"(6-12 years old)
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A funny story about Emil from Lenneberga, written by a wonderful Swedish writer Astrid Lindgren, brilliantly retold into Russian by Lilianna Lungina, fell in love with both adults and children all over the planet. This curly-haired boy is a terrible mischief-maker; he won’t live a day without getting into mischief. Well, who would think of chasing a cat to check if it jumps well?! Or put a tureen on yourself? Or set fire to the feather on the pastor's hat? Or caught in a rat trap own father, and feed the pig some drunken cherries?
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How can a little girl carry a horse in her arms?! Imagine what it can do!
And this girl's name is Pippi Longstocking. It was invented by the wonderful Swedish writer Astrid Lindgren.
There is no one stronger than Pippi; she is capable of knocking down even the most famous strongman. But Pippi is not only famous for this. She is also the funniest, most unpredictable, most mischievous and kindest girl in the world, with whom you definitely want to make friends!
18) E. Uspensky "Uncle Fyodor, dog and cat"(5-10 years)
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Something happens to the residents of the village of Prostokvashino all the time - not a day without incident. Either Matroskin and Sharik will quarrel, and Uncle Fedor will reconcile them, then Pechkin will fight with Khvataika, or the cow Murka will act strangely.
19) P. Maar Series about Subastic(8-12 years old)
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This amazing, funny and kind book by Paul Maar will show what it’s like for parents with naughty child. Even if this child is a magical creature named Subastic, walking around only in a diving suit and destroying everything that comes to hand, be it a glass, a piece of wood or nails.
20) A. Usachev "Smart dog Sonya. Stories"(5-9 years)
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This is the story of two funny and witty friends and their parents, whom they are very similar to. Vasya and Petya are tireless researchers, so they can’t live even one day without adventures: either they uncover the insidious plan of criminals, or organize a painting competition in the apartment, or look for treasure.
22) Nikolay Nosov "Vitya Maleev at school and at home"(8-12 years old)
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This is a story about school friends - Vita Maleev and Kostya Shishkin: about their mistakes, sorrows and insults, joys and victories. Friends are upset because of poor progress and missed lessons at school, they are happy, having overcome their own disorganization and laziness, having earned the approval of adults and classmates, and, in the end, they understand that without knowledge you will not achieve anything in life.
23) L. Davydychev "The difficult, full of hardships and dangers life of Ivan Semyonov, a second-grader and a repeater"(8-12 years old)
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An incredibly funny story about Ivan Semyonov, the most unfortunate boy in the whole wide world. Well, think for yourself, why should he be happy? Studying for him is torment. Isn't it better to do training? True, a dislocated arm and an almost split head did not allow him to continue the work he had started. Then he decided to retire. I even wrote a statement. Again bad luck - a day later the application was returned and the boy was advised to first learn to write correctly, finish school, and then work. Being a reconnaissance commander is a worthy occupation, Ivan decided then. But even here he was disappointed.
What to do with this quitter and slacker? And this is what the school came up with: Ivan needs to be taken in tow. For this purpose, a girl from the fourth grade, Adelaide, was assigned to him. Since then, Ivan’s quiet life has ended...
24) A. Nekrasov "The Adventures of Captain Vrungel"(8-12 years old)
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Andrei Nekrasov's funny story about Captain Vrungel has long become one of the most beloved and in demand. After all, only such a brave captain is able to cope with a shark with the help of a lemon, neutralize a boa constrictor with a fire extinguisher, and make a running machine out of ordinary squirrels in a wheel. The fantastic adventures of Captain Vrungel, his senior assistant Lom and sailor Fuchs, who went to trip around the world on the two-seater sailing yacht "Trouble" has delighted more than one generation of dreamers, visionaries, and all those in whom the passion for adventure boils.
25) Yu. Sotnik "How I was saved"(8-12 years old)
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The book includes famous stories written by Yuri Sotnik in different years: “Archimedes” by Vovka Grushin”, “How I Was Independent”, “Dudkin Makes Wishes”, “The Artilleryman’s Granddaughter”, “How I Was Rescued”, etc. These stories are sometimes funny, sometimes sad, but always very instructive. You know how mischievous they are and were your parents once inventors? Almost the same as you. If you don’t believe it, read for yourself what stories happened to them. This collection of funny and funny stories. good writer for everyone who loves to laugh.
