Defendant Sazonova, explain why you hit your husband on the head with an iron?
Because I told him a hundred times what a soft and compliant character I have, but he still didn’t agree with me!
(From the lawyer's notes)
It is not possible to radically change a person's character. It really starts in childhood, from one to three to five years. You can improve what is good in your character, or restrain and suppress traits that are unpleasant to others. We need to correct our behavior.
A lot depends on the character. But a lot also depends on how we treat each other. By constantly showing attention, tact, gentleness, and being able to forgive shortcomings, we will achieve a lot from our partner. Provided, of course, that we love him.
Distress in marriage often does not depend on the presence of many positive qualities in humans. It is necessary that the husband and wife suit each other as if moral criteria, and biological. It is important to be tolerant of each other's differences, including various aspects education, culture, religious views, political aspirations.
What qualities help maintain marital happiness? Patience, caring, desire to spend time together free time, delicacy, punctuality, flexibility in views and behavior, selflessness as a character trait... There is an opinion among experts, it is unconventional, that in marriages the wife can be older than husband, the marriage will then probably be longer.
Judging by sociological studies, there is a close connection between sexual contacts and the type of marriage. Many women complain about their husbands’ physiological approach to sexual intercourse, about everyday life in the intimate sphere, and about their husbands’ reluctance to enrich these relationships.
Remember: sexual activity decreases with age. 56 percent of respondents aged 50-60 years said that they have sexual contact once a week.
Psychological factors influencing sexual relationships:
kind, favorable atmosphere in the family - 47.9%
a certain type of partner behavior - 34%
impressions of works of art (books, exhibitions, visits to theaters, music) - 15.3%
rest - 6.4%
vacation -13.6%
a certain dose of alcohol - 10.4%.
Significantly more often, couples who adhere to the principle live in harmonious marriages. marital fidelity, in contrast to those who violate this principle, regardless of whose side this happens, husband or wife.
What comes with adultery? Meeting a person with whom a mutual understanding is established that is absent in marriage, joint activities, common interests, presence large quantity free time, of course, alcohol and chance, as a result of which an irresistible attraction arises, as well as a psychological orientation to finding another partner due to the psychological or physiological incompatibility of the partners.
Rudeness, inattention to order in the house, sloppiness with things, inability to plan and distribute the family budget ruin a marriage. There is nothing secondary in marriage; any negligence threatens to result in an irreparable loss.
During the premarital period, all boys and girls seem ideal, not to mention the fact that lovers tend not to notice shortcomings. Disadvantages during the period of falling in love become, as it were, a continuation of the advantages of those we love.
But starting a family must be approached without illusions. If young people see marriage only in a rosy light, they are doomed to disappointment.
You need to know psychology, the character traits of your partner, try to be tolerant and be able to forget grievances.
If there is a commonality of thought, then an amazing ability arises to predict each other’s desires and fulfill them. The fulfillment of hidden desires brings special joy: you just thought, and she has already done it. She just wanted something, and you are already turning her desires into reality.
A short separation is required from time to time. For a day, for two, for a week. This allows you to appreciate from a distance the good that is in each other. And, of course, children must be raised in complete harmony, because differences in views and principles on education can cause quarrels.
As a rule, adultery is the result of emotional discord in a marriage, when a disappointed person feels that the whole world has collapsed and there are no longer any prospects in life. This is where it’s useful to remember: there are no hopeless situations. And maybe it’s worth looking for a partner not on the side, but in your own family. Make another attempt, starting with sexual affection, with sexual respect, with sexual pleasure.
The question was formulated in such a way that it did not differentiate between ethnically non-Russian residents of Russia and foreigners, but most of our respondents had in mind the first category, which they discussed when giving their comments. The reason for the influence of non-Russians was considered by respondents to be access to the levers of political power and economic impact. The fact that in general this topic turned out to be very significant for more than half of the respondents indicates not so much real possibilities non-Russian citizens to influence Russian politics, how much about the place of this topic in their minds, about its presence in their political discourse*.
* It is noteworthy that in April 1998, when the government crisis erupted due to the departure of the B.C. Chernomyrdin, national theme found herself at the center of political debate when a new candidate for the post of prime minister was approved. Communist leader G.A. Zyuganov directly demanded that the nationality of the candidate be taken into account by the President of Russia when nominating a candidate for this post.
It is noteworthy that all respondents, without exception, who believe that non-Russians now enjoy too much influence in Russia (thus declaring that they would like to limit it), in response to another question in the questionnaire - about ranking political values - preferred “order” to “freedom.” ", which can be considered another indicator of authoritarianism; in this case, we should talk specifically about that type of authoritarianism, which puts traditionalism at the forefront as opposed to liberalism and modernism.
We were interested in the extent to which this hostility towards non-Russians extends to the non-political sphere (friendship, neighborhood, marriage). As ethnic groups, causing the most biased attitude in Russia, were chosen Jew(traditional object of ethnocentric attitudes), Chechen(the object of the most acute nationalist feelings of recent times) and black person(most rarely found in Russia and most different from the Russian population in appearance). All three representatives of racial and ethnic groups are easily distinguishable from Russians in appearance, which facilitates the formation of ethnic stereotypes. The answers received indicate that in the non-political sphere the level of ethnocentrism is much lower (Table 4.2).
Table 4.2
Do you think that a Chechen, Jew or Negro can be your neighbor, friend, spouse? (in % of the total number of respondents)
It is noteworthy that both ordinary citizens and politicians are very tolerant of their neighbors, more selective in choosing friends and quite careful when choosing a spouse. For a multinational country whose population is highly mixed, these data indicate a fair amount of frustration among ethnic Russians in relation to other national groups. The last parameter (choice of a spouse) is the most indicative, since it reflects the deepest levels of the ethnic stereotype. The fact that less than 40% of Russians are tolerant of others national groups indicates the serious danger of ethnocentrism. The greater tolerance of politicians towards national groups most likely does not reflect the actual state of affairs, but is explained by their greater caution when answering the proposed question and fear of accusations of nationalism.
Respondents were also asked about the advisability of fixing ethnicity in Russian passports. This clause, known as the fifth point on application forms, has been a source of both overt and covert discrimination in hiring, promotion, and the like for many years. The draft new legislation proposed by the Russian President to abolish the mandatory indication of ethnicity has caused serious political debate. Many autonomy leaders, Russian national patriots and communists sharply objected to the bill, believing that it violates the rights national minorities- on the one hand, and discriminates against the dominant ethnic group - on the other. The bill was approved by democratically oriented politicians and the executive branch.
The data we received shows that both nationalists from the autonomies and Russian national patriots have a certain social base: 59% of respondents believe that the “Nationality” column should be left in passports and only 32.7% believe that it should be abolished. It is especially interesting that among our respondents - representatives of the executive branch, which was the initiator of the new bill - there were an equal number of supporters and opponents of this decision. This means that the government itself is not homogeneous, and its individual representatives do not support this decision, showing nationalism at the everyday level.
The most interesting were the answers to open question about the subjective perception of Russia's borders. If in previous years (1994, 1995) “nostalgic” answers were encountered quite often, then in December 1997 the picture turned out to be very mixed.
Let's look at the answers to this question from two angles. First, let's group them by substantive reasons. Thus, only 18% of respondents associate their national identity with the former USSR. Let's add to this another 8.2% of those who see the connection of today's Russia with the Russian Empire until 1913. This type of answer, oddly enough, is especially typical for politicians. At the same time, approximately 40% of respondents perceive Russia within its current borders. This allows us to conclude that mass consciousness has adapted to reality and adequately assesses Russia's position in the world. The data obtained refute the stereotype, current both in the West and among a number of left-wing politicians in Russia, about the existence of a broad social base for a return to communist orders.
Respondents’ answers to the second indicator - according to the size of the territory with which they identify themselves subjectively - can be divided into three groups. Some respondents, whom we will call "maximalists" or “integrators” (36% of respondents) would like to see Russia within the widest possible boundaries. These people (of different political orientations, ages and genders) are focused on the traditions of the USSR and the Russian Empire. Five out of eight politicians belong to this category. Among these respondents there are those who live by past realities, but there are also many who connect the future of Russia with Europe, considering it part of the “European home.”
Second group - "minimalists"(18% of total number respondents) - believe that Russia should retain as little territory as possible and give up the “excess”. In this group of answers there were also the following: “Russia for me is limited to my family.” This trend undoubtedly reflects the frustration of that part of society that has lost its old identity and has not found a new one. On the one hand, these people adhere to positions opposite to the imperial ones, but on the other hand, they more often than representatives of the other two groups show ethnocentrism, since they limit their image of Russia only to ethnic Russians, excluding “foreign states”, “neighbors”, “ Baltic States", "Chechnya", "former Soviet republics".
Third group - "realists"(36%), whose perception of Russia, unlike those who define their identity in terms of “maxi” and “mini,” is psychologically and politically adequate to its current borders.
Only every 10th of those surveyed finds it difficult define your national identity in a territorial sense.
It is often very difficult for people to understand and accept the feelings of others, because they do not always understand themselves. People may not understand because they simply don’t want to understand, but most often this is due to a lack of specific life experience. It is impossible to imagine how you would behave in a given situation if you have not been in it, you can fantasize, but you will never get to the truth without testing it in practice. The person is very unpredictable. That is why people who have taken on the bitter experience of fate are more susceptible to the grief of others. They just understand him too well.
I will give examples from the literature. The hero of the work by F.M. Dostoevsky's "Idiot" Prince Myshkin has suffered from "epilepsy" (epilepsy) since childhood.
Because of this and some of the prince’s character traits, many insulted him to his face and called him an idiot, which is unpleasant to say the least. But, despite this, the prince continues to believe that goodness lives in every person. He is always ready to help anyone, be it the helpless Marie, the wayward Nastasya Filippovna or the cruel Rogozhin. Myshkin seems to feel everyone’s pain and, despite the reproach and insults, tries to help, although he doesn’t know how.
Another example is Sonya Marmeladova, the heroine of another work by Dostoevsky, Crime and Punishment. Being a victim of life circumstances and forced to go on a yellow ticket, only she was able to fully feel the suffering of Rodion Raskolnikov.
Only she understood how it felt to be a vicious person who had crossed the line. Only her compassion was genuine and all-encompassing, she would not have condemned, so only Rodion believed her, only opened up to her.
Suffering makes a person more empathetic. Thus, the most responsive is the one who has experienced a lot in his lifetime. It is such a person who is able to fully understand and help.
Effective preparation for the Unified State Exam (all subjects) - start preparing
Updated: 2018-04-21
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Good night! Once again I would like to know your opinion about Louise Hay. I am not interested in her healing methods, but in the ways she presents to influence her thoughts and ideas about life (affirmations). I don't mean the mindset of getting rich or prosperity that is so popular today. The very “bearded idea” that our life is our thoughts about it and that by changing our attitude to a more positive one, we can change our life in better side, is it accepted by you??? Ulyana.
Archpriest Mikhail Samokhin answers:
Hello, Ulyana!
The ideas of Louise Hay and other supporters of self-persuasion as a method of changing a person’s life are far from the experience of Orthodox counseling. Scripture, and behind him the holy fathers urge us not to persuade ourselves that everything will be fine with us, that we are rich or prosperous. But, on the contrary, repent of your own sins, take a sober look at the state of your soul.
And the human unconscious does not accept such a primitive approach. A person who sees the discrepancy between the phrases of attitudes and reality comes to anxiety, and then to depression. Such symptoms are characteristic of adherents of many totalitarian sects. It’s not for nothing that people say: no matter how much you say “halva,” it will not become sweeter in your mouth.
Orthodoxy calls a person not to complacency, but to a sober and unbiased look at his spiritual state. To the complacent enduring of sorrows, which make us stronger and more experienced. And only in exceptional cases the power of these sorrows is comparable to the abyss of our daily sins. So you need to approach life soberly. As in preparation for the coming eternity. And then all our earthly problems will acquire a corresponding scale.
Sincerely, Archpriest Mikhail Samokhin.
