Find out what to do if your husband beats your child! The husband hit the child. What to do? My husband beat my child, what should I do?

“He hits, it means he likes to hit” - they say that the saying that's exactly what it sounds like.

When it comes to two adults, it is assumed that they will figure it out themselves.

It’s another matter when assault is used regarding a child, which can neither defend itself nor escape.

I regret having a baby: what should I do? Find out about this from ours.

Parents beat their children: causes and consequences

When the topic of physical violence at home comes up, the mind draws a picture of relationships within a marginal family.

Everything is clear there: one or both parents abuse alcohol, and in a drunken stupor children fall under the hot hand.

But it doesn’t always happen like this: a child is beaten by seemingly prosperous parents who realize that this cannot be done. But they can’t stop either.

Causes why a father or mother raises their hand against their children, the consequences:

Physical violence: how does a child feel?

It is difficult for a child to accept when the person from whom he waiting for protection, begins to physically attack him.

In order not to burn out, the child’s psyche forms a defense expressed in detachment from circumstances.

As a result, the little man difficult to recognize your true feelings. He is trained to extinguish emotions; grown children have reduced empathy (empathy), which makes relationships with other people difficult.

In the most severe cases, a physically injured child develops a pathology called "multiple personality". This means that different “I”s with opposing desires coexist in a person.

In the depressed part of the personality, pain and anger at the parents remain forever. The desire for revenge pushes a grown person to display violence towards his children.

Is it acceptable for educational purposes?

The idea of ​​spanking and slaps usually comes to the minds of parents who want to stop bad behavior children.

Perhaps a child of preschool or primary school age is behaving badly: , .

The first manifestations of physical aggression will frighten him, for some time the boy or girl will behave as adults demand. In the future, the child will get used to such methods and will stop responding to them.

In case of disobedience (for example, comes home late, gets involved with bad company) violence - confirmation of the parent's helplessness.

In all situations education through physical violence will not work. There may be positive changes, but they will be short-lived. Later, the child will continue to behave as he wants, and the resentment towards the parents will remain.

What to do?

Physical violence occurs under different circumstances. Solution depends on various nuances: the severity of the punishment, the adult’s attitude to what is happening, the actions of the second parent.

“I hit the child and I can’t stop myself. What should I do?

Awareness of the inadmissibility of violence is already a step towards a favorable outcome.

An adult who understands everything, but does not hold back at critical moments, You can try several ways to calm yourself:

1. Put yourself in the place of your son or daughter. Perhaps the bad deed was committed without malicious intent, the child had already repented, but he was hit anyway. Surely the parent himself found himself in a similar position. It is always appropriate to replace beatings with conversation; you can wait until the emotions subside.
2. If the offense is serious enough, apply punishment, but do without a belt. Every child has a favorite activity: computer games, walks, cartoons. Temporary deprivation of pleasure will help the child realize his mistakes.

   Later he will try to avoid such consequences; the authority of his parents will not suffer.

3. An effective way is to imagine that corporal punishment will be carried out in front of other people.. You should feel no less ashamed for letting go in front of your own child than in front of a stranger.

If the cruelty happened once

“I hit the child on the head, I regret it: what should I do?”

Head injuries are serious. No child's action can explain such cruelty.

This is where the mother needs to figure it out first. with your morale:

Protection from a tyrant father

“My husband beats my child: what should I do?” A woman whose child is beaten by her husband has a particularly difficult time: she is caught between two fires. On the one hand, I feel sorry for my son or daughter, on the other hand, I don’t want to stand with my spouse on opposite sides of the barricades.

If the husband is not the child’s natural father and has not raised him from an early age, then he may try to gain authority through physical punishment, especially when it comes to raising a boy.

Children from first marriages They often do not accept their parents’ second spouses and deliberately behave in protest.

Assault on the part of the natural father is based on the fact that he, as a rule, has never been close to the child as much as the mother.

For a little person, dad often becomes a new person who sometimes comes home. The man comes to his senses when the offspring has already grown up and solves problems in the simplest way- physical violence.

In any case, the mother will have to solve the problem, her responsibility is maintain mental and physical health son or daughter.

Before the blows and slaps on the head develop into beatings, it’s worth talking to your husband.

Perhaps he himself, when he was little, became a victim of an aggressive father. Memories of how a man felt at that time can help a father or stepfather reconsider parenting methods.

Consequences Violence from the father can be significant:

• the child will begin to be afraid of adult males, even to the point of panic attacks. In the future, it will be difficult for a boy to find a common language with friends and colleagues, and for a girl to establish relationships with a man and start a family;
• the son or daughter will fear and hate their father, but will not begin to respect him;
• due to constant fear, the child’s behavior and academic performance will deteriorate;
• Hatred will develop towards all men without exception.

Unfortunately, the wife is not always able to solve the problem peacefully. When convictions do not help, the husband refuses the help of specialists, and beatings of the child are part of the system, there is only one way out - to leave.

A woman must remember: if the husband shows physical aggression towards both her and the children, then this will never change. The domestic tyrant most likely grew up in a similar environment; beatings are the norm for him.

At the same time, a man does not beat his superiors, colleagues and friends, it means he knows how to control himself, showing promiscuity only towards loved ones.

Trying to re-educate an adult is useless.

Beating a child by a father or mother is unacceptable and is sharply condemned by society, but parents sometimes go to the other extreme, practicing psychological violence: indifference, threats, boycotts.

To maintain the health and calm of a child, only reasonable methods are suitable: conversations, joint activities, your own positive example.

Why can't you hit children? Parental self-control and physical punishment:

they wrote down there, but I would have hit him myself. I’ll say right away that people have never encountered such a problem. I have a girl and dad doesn’t touch her with his finger. But my husband and I had serious scandals. And if I also beat him, then in practice we would also have fights. It is necessary to deal with husbands when they have cooled down. So, when we had already reached the extreme point, we figured it out and it turned out that it was not only his fault, that I was also provoking him (and I thought differently!!), now I’m trying not to touch him again. And I also had to take a sedative; looking at my positive example, he also agreed to take a sedative. I really told him that for the sake of a friendly atmosphere in the family I drank a sedative, but what are you doing?
By the way, I discussed the topic with my husband: if you had a son, what would you do? He said he would have beaten me too, but why, so that he would remember. He: “My father hasn’t laid a finger on me in my entire life, but I think it was in vain, I should have hit him more (his dad had a gentle character, I think he didn’t respect him very much), now I’m afraid of pain and if I fight , then to death" (I would not say that he is afraid to fight).
What I think about this is that our husbands did not have an authoritative father, they don’t know how to raise, they think that they were raised poorly, and so that the boy does not grow up to be a nurse, he must be beaten, i.e. difficulties strengthen. I think that it is necessary to logically explain, first, as with Elena D, I agree, you can teach a boy to obey the strong and offend the weak, second, the boy cannot answer his father and will take it out on whoever he can, on the weaker. The father, by spanking, wants to ensure that the child does not fight, but gets the opposite result. I suggest that if a dad wants to raise a child to be courageous, send him to a section such as wrestling, karate, boxing, wushu, etc., where the boy will learn to fight, take a punch, become stronger in body and spirit, and most importantly, will train with his peers guys, and not in such a way that he is beaten by an obviously strong adult, who, on the contrary, should protect him.
I propose to emphasize that his task is not to offend the child, but to protect and prepare for the difficulties of life.
Today I heard a phrase on TV: when men don’t know where to go, they never ask for directions...:) They probably have some kind of complex: a man should be a leader, he should lead, he should know everything (even if he doesn’t know) ...
By the way, when our dad loses his temper. I always explain to the child, dad is tired, nervous, let’s not touch him. By the way, this also has a beneficial effect on dad, he himself doesn’t know why he’s mad, and I explain to him along the way. And when it cools down, you can talk to dad.
I would also like to add that a person is not given anything beyond his capabilities, don’t be upset, you can solve your problem, tune in to a positive result, for example, like me, to a friendly atmosphere in the family. overcoming difficulties you will become wiser, more tolerant, you need this experience to find in yourself some new qualities you need. 05/22/2005 17:04:18, Elanita

Myths and facts about domestic violence

Myth. Women subjected to domestic violence are masochists. They enjoy being hit.
Fact. It is generally believed that women who "want and deserve to be beaten" are beaten, so they do not leave and tolerate such treatment. This myth implies that she gets sexual pleasure from being beaten by the man she loves.

Myth. Women provoke violence and deserve it.
Fact. This widespread belief indicates that the problem of beating women is a social one: it is rooted in gender stereotypes that are instilled in people from childhood. No creature deserves to be beaten, but in reality, the abuser will always find an excuse for his actions, regardless of how the victim behaved.

Myth. Women who are abused can always leave their abuser.
Fact. In a society where women are culturally instructed to believe that love and marriage are their true fulfillment, she is often considered to have the right and freedom to leave the home when the abuse becomes very serious. In fact, in reality, there are many obstacles for women on this path.

Myth. Once abused, a woman is always a victim.
Fact. With specialist counseling, a woman can return to a “normal” life if the cycle of violence is broken and the woman is not in a situation of violence and danger.

Myth. Once an offender, always an offender, once a person hits, he cannot stop.
Fact. If the theory of psychologically learned violent behavior is correct, then offenders can be taught the skills of non-violent behavior.

Myth. Male abusers act aggressively and rudely in their relationships with everyone.
Fact. Most of them are able to control their behavior and understand where and towards whom they can show aggressive emotions.

Myth. Batterers are not loving husbands or partners.
Fact. They use love to keep a woman in an abusive relationship.

Myth. Abusers who use violence are mentally ill.
Fact. These men often lead "normal" lives, except for those times when they indulge in violent outbursts. The social status of such men can be quite high; they can occupy leadership positions, lead an active social life, and be successful in business.

Myth. Men who abuse are failures and cannot cope with stress and problems in life.
Fact. All people experience stress sooner or later, but not everyone abuses other people.

Myth. Men who beat their wives also beat their children.
Fact. This happens in about one third of families.

Myth. The man will stop the violence “when we get married.”
Fact. Women thought that these men would stop controlling if they got married. It is assumed that having achieved his goal, he should calm down and believe that she loves him, since marriage is the highest proof of love. However, the problem is that there is never enough power, and the cycle of violence continues.

Myth. Children need their father, even if he is aggressive, or “I stay only because of the children.”
Fact. Without a doubt, children ideally need a mother and a father. However, children living in conditions of domestic violence may themselves ask their mother to run away from their father in order to escape the violence.

Myth. Domestic quarrels, assaults and fights are typical for uneducated and poor people. In families with higher levels of income and education, such incidents occur less frequently.
Fact. Domestic violence is not limited to certain segments and groups of the population. This happens in all social groups, regardless of education level and income.

Myth. Quarrels between husbands and wives have always existed. "Dear ones scold, they just amuse themselves." This is natural and cannot have serious consequences.
Fact. Quarrels and conflicts can indeed be present in many relationships. The hallmark of violence is the severity, cyclicality and intensity of the events and consequences.

Myth. A slap never seriously hurts.
Fact. Violence is characterized by cyclicality and gradual intensification of acts of violence. It can start with simple criticism, moving on to humiliation, isolation, then a slap, a blow, regular beatings, and sometimes death.

Myth. The cause of violence is alcohol.
Fact. Drinking alcohol reduces the ability to control behavior, but many abusers are men who do not use tobacco or alcohol. Some, having undergone treatment for alcoholism, continued to be aggressive and cruel towards loved ones. Alcoholism or drinking alcoholic beverages cannot justify violence.

Myth. Domestic violence is a new phenomenon, born of modern economic and social changes, the accelerating pace of life and new stresses.
Fact. The custom of beating your wife is as old as marriage itself. In the earliest times, evidence of which has reached us, the law openly encouraged and sanctioned the custom of wife beating.

Myth. Nowadays, domestic violence is rare. It is a thing of the past, when morals were more cruel and women were considered the property of men.
Fact. Domestic violence is a very common phenomenon in our time. In many countries, legal experts and women's rights lawyers believe that domestic violence ranks high among the types of crimes that are rarely reported to law enforcement.
The existence of these and other myths about the problem of domestic violence places an additional burden on the shoulders of women who are subject to violence. All these are barriers to a normal life. 02/14/2011 15:58:42, ZaMashka

Do you want to finally stop bullying yourself?
We hope that our tips and the method described in this article will help you get rid of domestic violence.

Notes from a client:“My husband beats me. His beating leaves me with bruises on my body.
I have to cover them with clothes and hide them with makeup so that no one
I didn't see it.
The worst thing is that my son sees this attitude of his father towards his mother -
everything happens before his eyes.
I no longer have the strength to endure my husband’s beatings. Of course he apologizes, he says
that he won’t do this in the future - and after a while he hits me again.
I finally decided that this shouldn’t continue.”
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In a situation where a woman is subjected to domestic violence, she needs to make an important choice: continue to endure the abuse or change her life.

Modeling behavior

If a woman decides separate from my husband who beats her, she must first understand the reasons for her behavior in the family. Otherwise, there is a possibility that such relationships will be repeated another time, with another man.

After all, the woman did not understand why her husband beat her. Why is this happening to her? Why did she allow herself to be treated this way?

Exactly - allowed...

After all, if she had stopped such an attitude towards herself at the very beginning, when her husband first hit her, now she would not have suffered from periodically repeated beatings.

If your husband doesn’t change, if he doesn’t stop beating you, you will leave.

In both the first and second scenarios, both husband and wife need to understand the causes of domestic violence and how to get rid of it.

Our behavior in life and in the family is determined by our upbringing.

From childhood we follow the example of our parents. Yes, we know they don't always do the right thing. But we have no other choice but to unconsciously follow their example. We are prisoners of their family behavior pattern.
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Our ideas about family are formed based on the relationship between our parents.
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But it’s not your fault that you act the same way as your parents! It’s just that you didn’t see another example other than your parents’ in your childhood.

But now you have grown up. And you can build your family yourself - the way you want.

Why does your husband behave this way towards you, why does he beat you? To find the answer to this question, you first need to determine the reason for his aggressive behavior. And having determined the reason, we will find out how to change.

Why does a husband raise his hand against his wife?

So, we have found that upbringing and the atmosphere in the parental family influence the formation of the child’s personality. They contribute to the choice of his life path, behavior, views, beliefs.

It is good when a child grows up in a psychologically healthy family, where he is cared for, where he is respected, where his opinion is taken into account and where they help him become a full-fledged person. But families are different. And the climate in them is not always favorable for nurturing a young personality.

A husband's aggression and cruel behavior towards his wife often have roots in childhood, in the parental family. Most likely, he was often offended as a child: beaten, mocked, humiliated. As a result, a man has grown up, insecure, who now asserts himself by demonstrating his physical strength over a weaker person - his wife.

Sometimes a man’s self-esteem does not suffer, but his father’s behavior towards his mother, in those moments when he beat her, has already been deposited in his subconscious.

Now a man automatically reproduces the same model of behavior - but in his family.

How can a man overcome negative subconscious attitudes and stereotypes?

First, understand that his behavior is an inheritance from his parent.
Secondly, realize that this is not right.
Third, firmly decide that he wants to change.

A man needs to learn to develop a different model of behavior.

Why is a woman subjected to domestic violence?

The woman most likely also carries unconscious childhood trauma. Perhaps she was bullied by her father or mother, or some other family member, as a child. She - victim by nature.
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Until a woman realizes this fact, until she understands her behavior and her
beliefs until she learns to love herself and be confident - she again and again
will be subject to domestic violence.
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Realize that your problems come from childhood, that you behave the same way as your father and mother did in your childhood. But then you were small and defenseless. And now you are an adult woman who has the right to decide how she wants to live!

Take up, for example, an activity that has attracted you for a long time. This will make you feel more confident and happy. You deserve all the best! Remember this.

Awareness of the causes and consequences of domestic violence is very important! You understand that once again someone can go too far in a quarrel and get seriously hurt or, God forbid, an outbreak of aggression will lead to fatal consequences.

Moreover, not only do you suffer, your children also suffer. They do not of their own free will become witnesses to your quarrels with your husband.
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Think about it: what kind of happy family future can your children have?
if they don’t know any other example other than mocking the object of their love?!..
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Your children, just like you as a child, unconsciously inherit the behavior of their parents. They will carry your behavior pattern into their future family - just like you once did.

Someone needs to break this vicious circle. It is you who can change the situation for the better and build a warmer relationship with your husband! Realize the severity of the problem. Get ready for change.

Of course, changes will require time and patience, as well as the help of a psychologist.
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Important reminder!
Promise yourself: if your husband does not want or cannot change, you will leave him.
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How can a husband learn to control his aggression?

Often a husband beats his wife because he does not know how to get rid of aggression in any other way. Aggression accumulates in him and increases during a quarrel. He needs to learn to manage his feelings.

Here are two effective ways to help your husband cope with aggression:

1. A man can learn to express his emotions with words rather than actions. The simple phrase “I’m angry with you” is more effective than a fist.

2. A man can develop the habit of directing aggression in a less destructive direction - sports, physical exercise and stress.

In the first option, the man speaks out his emotions and thereby frees himself from them. After all, aggression is the accumulation of negative emotions and their release when a person can no longer contain them.

In the second case, the man gives his feelings a harmless outlet - through physical work or sports.

How should a woman behave?

There is a pattern in relationships: if one person changes, other family members change too. It is a fact. But before you change, both you and your husband need to realize that changes are vital for you, for your family.

You, as a wife, need to support your husband from the very beginning if he decides to change for the better.

Praise him for his successes, encourage him with words. Show by your actions and behavior that you are with him, that you share his intention to change.

Think about it, would you be pleased if you were told every day that you are bad, ugly, and the like? On the contrary, it is necessary to encourage the behavior of a husband who is clearly making progress towards better changes.

What about children?

Children who have seen their father beat their mother more than once experience hatred towards the parent - they fear and do not respect their father.
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Children, when they grow up, will respond to brute physical force with the same force.
and the same attitude towards a person.
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Do you want that? Do you want your children to despise and hate you?

If you decide to live differently and build strong relationships in your family, first gain new trust and respect from your children. By your actions and words, you must restore close and trusting relationships with your children.

Children should not be afraid of you, children should respect you!

* * *

Do you want violence in your family to stop once and for all? Take action now. Now you know a little more about methods for restoring calm in your family, and you can put them into practice.

Remember: domestic violence can be stopped!
Change! You deserve happiness!

If a husband beats his wife, that means... She deserves it? Is he a scoundrel? This is their family matter, will they sort it out themselves? Oddly enough, in our society, which seems to have emerged from the times of Domostroy a long time ago, there is no single view on this problem. Moreover, if you look at it from the outside, with the cold gaze of an outside observer. Here you can talk a lot about the roles of men and women in the family, the nuances of relationships, the responsibility that each spouse bears for their development. What will it be like to be at the very epicenter of events? Especially as a victim?

Whoever beats his wife, God gives him?

There are negligibly few men who would be clearly aware that when they raise their hands against a woman, they are doing, to put it mildly, wrong. Every domestic aggressor has a “worthy” excuse for his actions. One has no doubt that the missus herself brought him down: she did not greet him as appropriate after a hard day of work; stuck her hand in at the wrong time with reproaches; chirped sweetly with a neighbor on the staircase - probably for good reason, rubbish...

Another regards beatings as the most powerful argument in any dispute. The third one completely sincerely professes the principle “Love your wife like a soul, shake her like a pear,” confident that this is exactly how one should assert his position as the head of the family.

By the way, our ancestors were not the only ones who shone with such pearls. There are plenty of proverbs explaining how to use fists to build a good relationship with your spouse in the languages ​​of other nations. “Beat your wife, even if you don’t know why, she knows,” they said in Africa. “Without a club there will be no virtuous wife,” they taught in China. In India, a woman’s head was compared to the head of a nail in a cart: they say, until you hit it properly, there will be no sense. In good old England, it was advised to beat your spouse as often as you beat a gong. And an Arab proverb says that a man who is not able to slaughter a sheep and beat his wife when she has done something wrong is not worth living.

Is the need to prove one’s masculine worth and authority through beatings an integral feature of the stronger sex, existing beyond time and boundaries?

Psychology of the aggressor and the reasons for his behavior

Of course, traditions leave their mark on human behavior. But these sayings have been a thing of the past for many decades, why do some continue to diligently follow their, alas, not at all wise instructions? Yes, there are some! According to statistics, in our country every day 36,000 women are subjected to violence from their spouse or partner - and this is only according to official data. And the chance of dying at the hands of an accidental scumbag in a doorway for most representatives of the fair sex is much lower than being killed in your own kitchen in a domestic quarrel. What makes the “strong and courageous” regularly raise their hand to their soulmate?

Under no circumstances can any of the listed reasons be an excuse for a domestic tyrant. Believe me, he is quite capable of controlling his rage. If an aggressor husband does not throw his fists at a picky boss, is afraid to fight back a two-meter brute who pushed him out of line, obediently listens to the scolding of an inspector on the road, but cannot contain his anger alone with a defenseless woman, then he simply does not consider it necessary to do this . For what? Everything suits him. He feels good, comfortable, pleasant. And he sees no reason to change his line of behavior. Sometimes such men get such a taste that even the presence of children does not stop them - the habit of giving free rein to their hands turns out to be stronger than the voice of reason.

Children in the line of fire

Speaking of children. Women who are stubbornly trying to maintain an alliance with a brawler, “so that the child has a father,” should remember: the youngest, weakest members of the family often fall under the hot hand of the aggressor father.

There is no guarantee that sooner or later the wrath of the separated parent will not fall on the child, especially if the child is nearby in the midst of a quarrel, rushes to defend the mother, or otherwise shows disobedience. And you shouldn’t hope that after a slap in the heat of the moment, the would-be father will be horrified, repent and become more restrained. Do not forget, he is already accustomed to giving himself complete freedom within his own four walls and has learned to achieve respect - or what he considers respect - from his wife through physical violence. What will prevent the aggressor from using the tried and tested method of education on children? Certainly not high moral principles. Not to mention the fact that raising a mentally balanced, happy child in a house where swearing and the sound of blows are constantly heard is, in principle, impossible.

Dry statistics. About 50,000 children in our country run away from home every year to escape the beatings of one of their parents. About 2,000 people decide to commit suicide every year for the same reason. An alarming number of child killers end up in prison precisely for killing their fathers - out of self-defense or in an attempt to save their mother from daily beatings. So the legendary patience of beaten wives, who save the family by hook or by crook, is no longer a mistake, but rather a crime. Or rather, two: the first - against yourself, and the second - against your child.

How to resist domestic violence

A woman who has once experienced the brunt of the wrath of her beloved, be it her official husband or cohabitant, has two options: stay and try to restore the relationship that has cracked, or leave.

Life on a volcano

The first slap in the face rarely comes like a bolt from the blue. It does not happen that just yesterday a loving and smiling spouse today, as if by magic, turns into a monster with a furious grin and menacingly raised fists. If you analyze the situation, it always turns out that this was preceded by a long period of nagging, caustic remarks, and then outright insults towards the spouse. Usually, a lot of time passes before the future tyrant moves from words to deeds, but most women prefer to turn a blind eye to the growing aggression of their loved one, trying with all their might to find an excuse for him. "He's tired." "He's got problems." “It’s my own fault, why did I bother with this dry cleaning bill during football?”

Yes, I'm tired. Yes, we all have meltdowns from time to time. Yes, he needs your care, patience and understanding. But this does not at all excuse rudeness and rudeness. It’s one thing to irritably throw out: “Darling, will you let me watch TV in peace today?!” and something completely different: “Go away, cow!” A wife who dutifully endures moral “kicks” will very soon receive real ones. Therefore, violence must be resisted at the very beginning. Demand respect for yourself. Even the fact that you are “just” a housewife, and your loved one manages super-profitable projects at work and is immensely tired, does not put him on a level higher than you. A family is a union of equals, and nothing else. He brought his wife into his house, not a stress-relieving robot, right?

First hit

So, it did happen. It’s too early to grab a pen and write an application for divorce, but you need to take the first steps to clarify the situation immediately.

First of all, calm down. Emotions have never given anyone any good advice. Take a walk, breathe some fresh air, drink valerian or something stronger, and only then analyze the situation. Restore what happened in all details and try to understand what happened? Was your spouse drunk or sober? Was he afraid of what he had done or was he contentedly looking at the work of his hands? Didn’t you provoke him by speaking vilely about your spouse’s parents in the heat of an argument or by hurting his manhood? Of course, this will not be an excuse: any man always has the opportunity to loudly slam the door, having first sent his wife on a long and not entirely decent journey, and give himself time to cool down. But it can serve as a mitigating circumstance.

After you think it over and calm down, decide what to do next. Do you want to forgive your erring spouse? Farewell. But don't be idle.

Talk to your husband and give him a clear ultimatum: one more blow, a slap in the face, a slap on the head - and you will immediately leave him. But keep in mind that the threat will need to be carried out. By forgiving the aggressor for the second and third time, you will show him that all your conditions are not worth a damn.

Be more picky about your behavior. Become even more affectionate and caring, spare no compliments for your spouse, pamper him with delicious dishes. Perhaps this breakdown is really caused by a difficult period in a man’s life, which he can only overcome with your support. However, remember that such problems cannot be solved alone. You should see reciprocal steps from your husband.

If your loved one has a really hot temper and is aware of this, a family psychologist will come to the rescue. But, again, the decision to go to him should be mutual.

Naturally, you can only forgive someone who has repented and is trying his best to make amends to you. If what happened does not seem out of the ordinary to your spouse, you are not on the same path with this person.

Our ancestors, who suffered no less often from husbands who were quick to kill, had their own ways of returning peace to the family. For example, it was believed that a woman who managed to call her husband “dear” 40 times on the day of the Annunciation would live in harmony with him for a whole year. If more drastic measures were required, the beaten wife bought a new hammer and said over it: “Just as a heavy hammer does not lift, so that the servant of God such and such had a heavy tongue, would not rise and would not swear. May my words be strong and sculpted from now on and forever. Amen." You can also use the ancient conspiracy, but only as an auxiliary tool. It’s still not worth hoping for help from higher powers without taking any action to improve the situation.

Run, Lola, run

You were gentle and patient, surrounded your husband with warmth, sincerely tried to forget the incident when you were so humiliated, and in response you only received new portions of insults and slaps? Alas, it makes no sense to continue in the same spirit, hoping that one day your loved one will appreciate your sacrifice. How it makes no sense for the eleventh time, smearing blood and tears on your cheeks, listening to assurances that “this won’t happen again.” It will happen again. You have connected your life with a person for whom assault is not an isolated, egregious incident, but an excellent way to relax, and he has already become a taste for it. Think about it, is your marriage really worth covering up your bruises with foundation before every time you go out? Hardly. Does the vague “but the children have a father” compensate for the stress they will receive while living in the same house with an aggressor? Hardly. In addition, do not forget that such people only become tougher over time, and sometimes even lose all control over themselves, so in the end you may have to pay for your patience with your life.

If you fail to change the situation, pack your things and leave without any pity. Once and for all. Shutting back and forth between your parents’ house and your ex-spouse’s house for years is a futile endeavor. Better spend your time and energy looking for a new soul mate. The one who will be able to keep her fists in her pockets.

Often a tyrant who has acquired a taste does not want to let his victim go so easily. They use blackmail with children, suicide, threats of physical violence... What to do?

First of all, realize that you are responsible only for your life and the lives of your children. Being a capable adult is not your concern. Many husbands tell their wives that they will commit suicide if they divorce, but very few actually intend to do so. Think for yourself, if you are so dear to him, why doesn’t the faithful make an effort to stop beating you at every opportunity? Why does he demand that you sacrifice your peace and health, while he himself will not make a basic effort on himself for your sake? Is it because in reality he only loves himself, and he only needs you as a cook, a servant and a whipping slave all rolled into one?

If you are afraid that your spouse will force you to stay, give up the idea of ​​making a show of leaving. Quietly and carefully prepare your escape routes.

Just don’t, following the advice and reviews of determined women from social networks, take the frying pan at the ready and try to restore justice on your own. Firstly, are you sure that in a moment this frying pan will not be pulled out of your hands and fall on your head? Secondly, can you accurately calculate the force of the impact? The article “exceeding necessary self-defense” is a very unpleasant thing, especially if a former loved one, after meeting with a cast-iron object, ends up not in intensive care, but in the morgue.

Video: How to live with a man who raises his hand to you?

Beating the weak - a woman, a child, an animal - is the lot of scoundrels and cowards. There are only two situations in which you can lightly forgive your loved one for a bruise under his eye: it happened accidentally (you were showing your friend the size of the caught pike and did not calculate the span of your arm) or you are passionate about martial arts and regularly ask your spouse to join you in training. Everything else is unacceptable and requires immediate response, even the most severe. Don’t wait for the situation to completely get out of control, take action to correct it or leave. There is no third.