Modesty is a personality quality acquired as a result of internalization of behavioral patterns and values of others. It is reflected in the ability to keep one’s own emotional and behavioral manifestations within certain limits, to maintain calm, moderation and restraint, and to place minimal demands on other people and one’s material and everyday life. Modesty changes a person’s life style, which includes decency in communication, maintaining decorum, and leading a life without luxury.
It is believed that modesty adorns a person, presenting him without unnecessary boasting, when a person’s merits appear in actions, and rewards come without begging or demanding. Manifestations are possible in behavior through obedience to elders and humility before experienced ones, in clothes of inexpensive brands, discreet colors and models. Modesty is often used synonymously with shyness and timidity, but this is wrong, even with similar manifestations, since modesty is a conscious act, a choice, and other manifestations are unconscious and driven by subconscious or trauma.
What is modesty
The meaning of modesty is varied and depending on the area of discussion it will have its own adjustments; the general ones will remain undemanding and lack of desire to put oneself first. In terms of arranging one’s life, it is characterized by a lack of desire for luxury and an understanding that in order to feel comfortable, one needs insignificant resources. In terms of interpersonal interaction, modesty is characterized by a sincere interest in others, more than in oneself; such a person asks and listens more than he tells and brags. In addition, when communicating, the dignity of all people is recognized, the rules accepted in society are demonstrated and observed.
Modesty is considered a character trait that allows a person to fit in with his environment without attracting undue attention, basically considering drawing attention to one's own person (by action or word, clothing or purchase) as undignified behavior.
Many sets of rules (etiquette, decent social behavior, church approved) say that modesty adorns a person and is the most valuable trait, providing opportunities for and vision for others to learn from them, contributes to the development of kindness and, as a consequence, the establishment of good relationships. But modesty may not always have an effect positive influence in a society where some people live according to different laws, self-interest and cunning take advantage of the modesty of others for their own benefit.
Modesty is not a character trait, it is manifested in behavior and reflects its specific line, and the motives for such behavior can also be different. A person may be modest from nobility or from the fact that he sincerely does not consider his merits outstanding, or he may hide behind a mask of modesty because he is unable to present himself, waiting for others to present him. Many, knowing how much others value modest manifestations, can portray the necessary behavior only partially in the presence of the necessary person on whom they want to make the appropriate impression, while the rest of the time they behave impudently and dissolutely. This is not true modesty, just as kindness in pursuit of its own selfish ends is not true kindness.
Modesty and shyness, what's the difference?
Modesty and shyness are often confused, and some consider these concepts to be synonymous, which is deeply mistaken. Modesty is responsible for a conscious line of behavior, and shyness refers to emotional experiences that are not under control. A person can be modest and not have shyness, as well as be shy, but not modest - these two things do not go hand in hand and are not interchangeable concepts. If, while leading a modest lifestyle, a person does not show his goodness and achievements out of reluctance, including the conscious sphere, then in case of embarrassment this will be caused by fear (to attract attention, not withstand criticism, etc.).
Shyness arises from uncertainty and such a person would rather remain silent and listen carefully to the interlocutor in order to adjust his statements in accordance with someone else’s point of view.
Humility is always confident and listens. humble person another out of sincere interest, and changes his opinion only after the facts, and not out of a desire to be liked. A modest person remains open when interacting, although he does not put his personality as a priority; shyness can make a person avoid social contacts and new experience. The first is about development and constant learning from the world around us, the second is about fear of the new and closed doors opportunities.
Modesty can be learned or unlearned, its level and areas of manifestation can be controlled, while shyness is a character trait and such changes will require much deeper inner work than adjusting a line of behavior. In order for a person to begin to feel shy or to stop, a number of corrective events are necessary, either frustrating and traumatic, forcing him to hide, or corrective and stabilizing, helping him to begin to actively manifest himself in the external environment.
Disadvantages of Modesty
In many places, modesty is presented in a favorable light and as one of the most desirable qualities, but, as with any concept, there are shortcomings and difficulties that sometimes hinder a person.
Think about who extols modesty as positive feature- usually these are people who benefit from your obedience (parents, teachers, church), those who themselves do not perceive the differences of others well and strive to create a gray society that does not stand out. Once upon a time, such a strategy of behavior helped to survive, because even during the times of socialist power (and this is the generation of our grandmothers), it was dangerous to stand out, and all benefits and skills were hidden, since they could entail punishments incompatible with life.
But modesty does not contribute to one's own advancement and fulfillment - look at everyone famous personalities, read their biographies - they all loudly declared themselves and their skills, at every corner, until, finally, they were heard, and when they became noticeable, they grabbed the opportunity that presented themselves, and modestly refused. Excessive modesty ruins a career, while such a person helps others, remains silent about his successes, a less effective and less modest employee receives another promotion and salary increase. Their projects are recognized as the best simply on the basis that often no one knows about the ideas of modest people or they learn about them from immodest friends shouting about their friend’s brilliant idea.
How to get rid of modesty
Having analyzed own life one may encounter that it is precisely the negative aspects of the manifestation of modesty that are in the majority and then become topical issue how to get rid of it, but it would be more natural not to completely eradicate it, but to reduce the amount of manifestation or identify the most suffering areas and work with them. The approach to reducing influence is less traumatic for the psyche, since with a complete and drastic restructuring there is big chance quick return to the previous state. It is best to initially get to the bottom of the reasons for the emergence of excessive modesty, to understand exactly whose words sank into the soul from early childhood and correlate these behavioral requirements with the current situation in life. If grandma spoke of modesty as best feature girls to get married, and you have developed it in communication with men to such an extent that you have become an invisible or cold wall, then think about whether this is the level your grandmother had in mind and whether the requirements for men now are the same as then.
Try to express yourself more often, express your opinion - even if you make a mistake, everyone will disagree with you, you will have to defend your position for a long time, speak anyway. You can try talking to strangers, and if you know that you always give up the leading role in a conversation, then deliberately start communication first. The fear of losing people's favor is easily neutralized by your smile and a direct statement that you are pleased to communicate or are interested in listening to an opinion different from yours. Just as when communicating, try to express your personality – in clothing and choice of places, listening to music and emotional reactions. There is no crime in going out short skirt or a yellow scarf, laugh at an important meeting or rejoice loudly in quiet place– perhaps, by your example, you will liberate several more people nearby, and thanks to the manifestation of your individuality, they will pay attention to you. And what’s important is that those who are interested in people like you who are real and not pretend will pay attention, which can open up new opportunities.
In yourself with small overcomings every day - you don’t need to immediately climb onto the stage and tell the crowd of hundreds of people what you are like wonderful person, but be the first to meet a few people, tell them at work what you came up with new project, tell casual acquaintances at a party about your line of work and about yourself as an excellent professional - those things, the practice of which every day will help overcome both excessive modesty and problems associated with your invisibility.
Modesty is positive quality personality, which manifests itself in relation to oneself, and not in relation to other people. Almost always, modesty is directly proportional to talent. Modesty, unlike immodesty, knows how to listen and perceive new things.
Modesty is sincerely interested in others, respects the norms of morality and ethics accepted in society.
Modesty gives freedom from vanity and provides the opportunity to learn from others, adopting their virtues. A modest person is characterized by another positive quality - he is not intrusive in communication.
If a Modest person sees that someone communicating with him is not happy, he will try to avoid contact.
Modesty does not bother other people with your behavior. Modesty should not be confused with downtroddenness and softness.
Modesty is, first of all, a developed sense of self-esteem
Another concept parallel to Modesty is Downtroddenness. Congestion arises from the fear of losing something serious. Downtroddenness is an extreme manifestation of Modesty. Modesty cannot be used for selfish purposes. Modesty has its own purpose and therefore can always politely refuse. Modesty adds nothing of its own to the learned truth.
Modesty knows how to explain, because modesty does not get nervous when a person does not understand, but continues to patiently present its confident point of view in a friendly manner.
Often in society, the concept is fixed that modesty is weakness and indecisiveness, but experience and facts prove to people that this is a mistake. Modesty is Strength and Respect for character.
Anyone who deeply explores his inner self finds mistakes in himself and inevitably becomes Modest. He is no longer proud of his knowledge and does not consider himself superior to others.
Scale of values andextreme manifestations: > > >
Strong man, modest and is devoid of Pride, he does not need honors and glory. The ability to humbly listen and hear another person is extremely important for relationships in family life. If spouses know how to listen to each other’s opinions, then the family is a single whole, which means it is based on mutual respect. The egoist does not listen to anyone, and no one wants to listen to him. To achieve the state emotional Happiness, Goodness - the character trait Modesty is extremely important!
Modesty according to Esoteric views
A modest person is, first of all, a peaceful person. However, a peaceful person can be far from modest and, as you know, there are devils in still waters. Modesty is very different from meekness. Humility means victory over anger, a person perceives all incoming information humbly, whether he is scolded or praised - he will react equally humbly.
Humility - top quality A holy person, it automatically assumes the presence of modesty. Modesty doesn't have to be humble.
Manifestations of Modesty
If modesty is scolded or insulted, the manifestation may be Anger. Modesty is indifferent to glorification, honors, gifts, but when insulted human dignity Modesty can manifest itself in the form of an outburst of Anger.
Humility is generally the absence of anger, and modesty is the absence of desire for honor. Modesty is a necessary step towards humility.
Properties of immodesty
If a person cannot evade honors, this in no way speaks of his immodesty.
Manifestations of immodesty are when a person focuses attention on himself, behaves in a mannered manner, speaks loudly, with pathos and commanding notes in his voice, is flashily dressed, and shows Envy.
Immodesty, as a manifestation of pride, constantly comes into conflict with others, and this leads to suffering and pain.
When a person does not speak sincerely, with pathos, people consciously or unconsciously resist his immodesty.
The negative energy background in communication with an immodest person can usually be clearly distinguished.
When communicating in society or society, the risk of conflict increases, and this means pain and suffering. The ego of immodesty collides with the massive ego of others.
Unlike immodesty, modesty is always in a state of peace, that is, its mind is calm. Peace is the calmness of the mind, that is, the mind of a peaceful person is not agitated by his ego, he is constantly at peace.
An immodest person, without showing honor to him, experiences envy. Immodesty without honor grimaces and comes from envy. Modesty behaves calmly, unpretentiously, and always performs his duty well, with or without honors. Immodesty, if lured by honors, will fulfill her duties; it will not even occur to her to disinterestedly fulfill her duty.
Lack of modesty is a burning desire for honor
Immodesty is not stable; without rewards, privileges and honors, it is unworkable.
In other words, it is difficult to have a relationship with an immodest person. He does not work consistently, conflicts with people, and is not respected. Working in a team with the manifestation of immodesty by one or more employees will corrode envy.
The test of modesty is the praise of the Flatterer.
A flatterer will always find a corner of immodesty in the soul. Immodesty is manifested by a laudatory statement addressed to a person. Expecting honors and an indiscreet person, she blurs with praise, unable to hide her reaction. Indulging your Pride is what awaits immodesty.
Modesty, indifferent to praise. Modesty is the opposite of arrogance.
These two qualities form a scale of opposites such as Modesty - Impudence When modesty becomes the manifested side of a personality, we consider such a person to be modest. According to the esoteric laws of personality development, Modesty is the quality of a Holy person.
Real, not ostentatious Modesty attracts Modesty. As an example of life - if a modest girl wants to get married, then like attracts like. An arrogant girl will attract the attention of men who are interested in her body, and not her inner world.
Modesty manifests itself within a person - it is internal purity and the ability to preserve and protect this purity.
Modesty is the most powerful weapon of a Woman in the fight for a Man
Modesty is one of the qualities of a Strong personality. Strong personality a modest person is not burdened by Pride. A strong person sees events and society outside world without bias and selfishness.
Modesty does not tend to find faults in other people. This is the fundamental property of this quality.
Envy is a sign of lack of modesty
Modesty lives in harmony with one's desires and capabilities; it is not pretentious and restrained. She is disgusted by excesses, luxury and destructive lust. Therefore, modesty will reach a material goal faster than immodesty. The external goal is achieved through the implementation of the internal goal.
Internal goal means to cultivate in oneself the maximum best qualities personalities and then external goals are implemented automatically.
As an example: The husband’s goal is for his wife and children to respect him.
Forcing yourself to be respected through external manifestations - giving gifts, showdowns and scandals - will not achieve the Goal.
But if he sets an Internal goal - to transform and become a responsible person and strives for this goal, the result will not be long in coming. Women respect responsibility in a man. Having felt changes in the behavior of the father and husband, his loved ones will change their attitude towards him for the better.
Immodesty is unable to listen
Active listening involves Humility. This personality quality is opposite to Pride, so immodesty cannot claim it. Pride grows and activates the Egoism of a person’s Personality.
Gradually, a person’s Ego destroys Consciousness, and he begins to feel omniscient, the most intelligent and irreplaceable. The disease is progressing. This means that modesty is lost, the ability to further develop, improve, and progress is lost. When a person and Personality was modest, he could listen to other people and learn from them. That's when he was happy. Based on the baggage of past merits, a person tries to confirm his importance.
Selfishness, immodesty and greed
The character trait Greed manifests itself as a negative manifestation of immodesty. A man who has lost his modesty suffers life failures. When a person’s consciousness is infected with Egoism, he is unable to convey his thoughts and knowledge to other people. When a person is in Pride, he cannot convey anything to people, they simply do not understand him.
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You can often hear the following phrases: “We need to be more modest” or "Modesty adorns a person". What do they mean? What is modesty? Modesty– is this an advantage or a disadvantage? Is being modest a necessity or a choice? Before answering all these questions, let's understand the question: “What is modesty?”.
There isn't one precise definition this word. Modesty- this is a character trait, a set of personal qualities of a person, which are expressed in moderation: in demands on the people around them and on life; to luxury and wealth; to vanity; to arrogance, while maintaining human dignity and decency.
When answering the following questions, you need to consider individual characteristics character of each person individually. Living and growing up in society, people do not become similar to each other; each person retains characteristic habits and traits that are unique to him.
Is modesty a virtue or a vice?
In society as a whole and in each individual community, it is usually established certain rules. Can a person who follows all these rules be considered modest? IN in a certain sense- Can. But what then about the manifestation of leadership qualities inherent in the very nature of this person? There is an opinion that for leaders, modesty is more a disadvantage than a virtue. For "leaders in life" It is precisely necessary to be very attentive to yourself; the manifestation of leadership qualities should in no way turn into arrogance, arrogance, arrogance and vanity. By demonstrating himself as a leader, a person can cross the line that separates confidence in his own rightness from impudence, arrogance and arrogance. When people communicate with each other, it is necessary to be extremely correct, so as not to intentionally or unwillingly offend or humiliate the dignity of another person. And how pleasant it is to communicate with a person who does not flaunt his knowledge, his superiority over others. Such a person can be called polite, well-mannered, and modesty "goes hand in hand" with all these qualities.Thus, we can conclude that modesty is rather a virtue for all people. Being a leader while remaining humble is life position people who, above all, respect themselves. No self-respecting person will allow himself and others to humiliate anyone.
Are modesty and shyness the same thing?
With definition "modesty" We have decided, but can quiet, inconspicuous people also be called modest? They say about these: "He wouldn't hurt a fly". Maybe it's innate modesty? Or is it from lack of self-confidence? Most likely, the second one. This behavior is called shyness. How do these two concepts differ from one another?Shyness manifests itself from lack of self-confidence; a person is afraid to express his point of view, afraid of being wrong, afraid of being ridiculed by others. Shyness has nothing in common with modesty.
A modest person is confident in himself, knows about his strengths and weaknesses. His upbringing will not allow him to declare loudly, demonstrate his knowledge, or compare himself with others. Therefore, in order to become modest, a shy person needs to develop confidence, self-esteem, and get rid of an inferiority complex.
Religion and modesty
In all world religions, modesty is praised; all canonical texts call for modesty. It is believed that modest behavior can cleanse the soul and thoughts from sins. All religions practice fasting, during which a person consciously demonstrates modesty, abstinence, moderation in food and drink; at this time it is not permissible to swear or be angry; compassion and renunciation of excesses are encouraged, and there is a call for forgiveness and humility. And this is no coincidence, because by cleansing the soul, a person cleanses the body. He becomes more balanced, calm if he shows irritation, learns to ask forgiveness from the Almighty, and then from the people to whom he reacted with irritation. Religion helps us learn to be humble.Is being modest a necessity or a choice?
Let's summarize, in order for a person to be treated with respect and valued, one must not only be knowledgeable and intelligent, one must be modest, well-mannered, and have self-esteem. And to be modest or not is everyone’s choice.Last update: 12/24/17
Modesty is the privilege of self-sufficient individuals
Modesty is a personal property of a person, expressed in the reluctance to attract attention to himself by demonstrating something in himself or on himself that, in his opinion, distinguishes this person from the people around him.
That is, modesty is the absence in a person’s behavior of boasting, unceremoniousness, tactlessness, permissiveness in relations with other people, as an expressed desire to show that “I am something of myself” and a demonstration of not only one’s peculiarities, but also advantages.
Manifestations of immodesty can also include: vulgarity, pride, promiscuity, arrogance, vanity and narcissism.
Modesty should not be confused with the shyness of a person. If a modest person DOES NOT WANT to attract attention to himself, then a shy person is either afraid or does not know how, or is afraid and does not know how, to attract attention to himself.
Agree: not wanting or not being able to, being afraid, attracting attention to oneself is a big difference.
Where does modesty and immodesty come from?
As has been said, modesty is a purely personal property of a person. That is, modesty or the absence of it, stems from his consciousness and self-awareness, which, taken together as such, give rise to either a person’s modest or immodest behavior.
Where does immodesty come from?
The main, deep quality of consciousness and self-awareness of an individual, which makes a person not be modest, is FEAR. At the same time, the fear of everything and everyone, that is, is comprehensive.
Because this is the person’s fear of being unnoticed by other people. Which, in its essence, is subconsciously perceived by a person, literally, as the non-existence of oneself among people.
For, consciously or, more importantly, subconsciously, every person perceives himself as a product of the relationships that he has with the world and, above all, with people.
And he is afraid that in these relationships they do not pay attention to him, he is “not seen point-blank” - he does not exist for these people, which means he does not exist as such.
And in order to overcome this fear, in order to get rid of it, you need to demonstrate with your unmodest behavior that I am - to attract attention to yourself.
Or, strange as it may seem at first glance, by becoming “like everyone else.” But the strangeness disappears if we understand that under the desire to become “like everyone else,” there is a desire to get rid of our shyness - to show everyone that I, like you, am not modest.
At the same time, of course, if a person is in an environment where modesty is not in honor, or he believes that this is the case: modesty is the lot of the “downtrodden and stupid.”
What kind of self-awareness must a person have in order for it to force him to be immodest?
1. Of course, first of all, not self-sufficient - a person cannot be “on his own” - he needs constant confirmation of himself in the form of relationships with others in order to recognize himself as who he imagines himself to be in self-awareness.
2. Consciousness and self-awareness, respectively, of this immodest person must be little cultivated, little socialized - excuse me, he must be dull, stupid, and not enlightened.
For only this causes him to fear being unnoticed by other people, along with the fear of these people themselves, as something different from him.
3. The psyche of such a person is in constant excitement, because, environment is perceived by him as aggressive, which needs to prove not only its existence, but also that this personality has significance in it.
The perception of the environment as an unfriendly, aggressive environment gives rise to its own, reciprocal, real, and not imaginary, aggression. That is why, as a rule, modesty manifests itself in this way: from arrogance to outright attacks on others.
4. Naturally, a person who does not have self-sufficiency of self-awareness always strives to replace it with “We” instead of “I”.
Unmodest people always look for the company of others like them - as a rule, they easily find their own kind.
5. In an effort to overcome their inferiority complex, people with insufficient self-awareness try to assert themselves by attacking other people and emphasizing their differences from modest or shy people.
Immodesty is always, if not so aggressive, then always active.
Modesty adorns a person: modesty is the privilege of worthy men and women
It is precisely immodest people, mind you, who not only vulgarized this truth, but also began to use it to emphasize their immodesty.
Why is modesty the privilege of a worthy person?
1. A modest man or woman does not need to unduly demonstrate the charms of his body or demonstrate his mental abilities.
For, his mind is written on his forehead, for those who want and even those who don’t really want to see him.
And his appearance is not indifferent to him, no, but he knows that “whoever needs it will see it” and understand. And for this, excuse me, there is no need to “fall out your boobs” more than they fall out themselves.
2. Modesty is a product of individual self-sufficiency.
He, a modest person, like everyone else, needs communication and relationships with people, of course, BUT he has long established self-esteem - he knows his own worth.
Therefore, unlike a rushing immodest person, he does not need to demonstrate his personality in an extraordinary way in order to show himself, in the hope that others will appreciate it, something special about himself.
He simply says with all his appearance: This is how I am - I ask you to perceive me as I am. Whether you like me or not is your problem, somehow it doesn’t really bother me.
3. Modesty is an acquired personality trait, not given to it from birth or even upbringing.
All people in childhood and adolescence are not modest or try to be so in the fight against their shyness. For, modesty is acquired as a result of the formation of human consciousness and self-awareness.
As soon as self-awareness reaches its maturity - a person’s understanding of who he really is, with more or less objective accuracy, the person automatically becomes modest.
And from here: it’s easy to understand that an immodest person will remain so until he gains “sense.”
How he will evaluate his personality - what kind of self-awareness he will have - this, in general, is not important, the main thing is that the person evaluates himself “as it is”, and calmly takes his place in society, without trying to show himself off to those he cares about. it really isn't.
Please note: immodesty can continue until a person's death. Although, a person can become modest, even at a young age, as an exception, as a person who is highly personally developed.
And people become massively modest in mature age. Unfortunately, according to my observations, less than half of people.
4. Modesty involves inner dignity and personal self-esteem.
And hence: a modest person, not only will he demand, but again modestly, respect for himself and not humiliation of his dignity.
BUT he himself shows respect for ANY person and tries not to humiliate his dignity. For this follows from the very essence of a self-sufficient person.
5. Modesty presupposes the presence of increased conscientiousness and bashfulness.
For this stems from the fact that a self-sufficient person has high moral values, and is inherently decent.
6. Modesty involves interest, not indifference, in other people.
For a self-sufficient person, in essence, always strives to enrich his self-awareness - his “I”, with knowledge about other people and their lives in order to develop and strengthen his self-sufficiency.
7. Modesty is understanding the boundaries of your own “I” and respecting the boundaries of others’ “I”.
This is manifested not only in respect for another person, but also in the absence of pressure on her: respect for her and her choice to live one way or another.
A self-sufficient person has no need to impose himself or his way of life on others.
8. Modesty is the absence of vanity, unreasonable ambition and envy.
All this, again, follows as a consequence from the self-sufficiency of a modest person.
9. Modesty completely rejects narcissism. Admiring oneself for a modest person is not interesting and boring.
That is why modest man or a woman will never dress arrogantly or wear makeup “on top of that.” They will not demonstrate their successes or “sprinkle ashes on their heads.”
And a modest person will never tremblingly wait for the approval and support of other people. For he, this man, is SELF-SUFFICIENT.
10. Immodesty is a source of eternal self-generated problems on one’s own head.
Because, in essence, this is an eternal confrontation not only with myself, but also with the people around me, in the need to prove to myself and everyone that I am something.
Modesty, if acquired by a person, saves him from many problems both within himself and in relationships with people. For it is said: You must be more modest, more modest...
OK, ladies and gentlemen, what do you think: “modesty adorns a person” or “arrogance is the second happiness”? In my opinion, as you can see, the modesty of a man and a woman is almost Foundation stone in the consciousness and behavior of the individual.
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Modesty
(Questions are asked by the editor of the magazine "In the City" Ekaterina Baklanova)
“Life that is aware of its beauty tends to hide itself in tales of modesty. A lie shouts loudly: “I am light!” and instantly burns out, and modesty, like a diamond, is silent, but has its own light, shining with constant brightness.”Inayat Khan Hidayat
What features make up the image of a person whom we respect, who can serve as an example for us? Most of you will probably agree that such a person must be brave, truthful, honest, loyal, kind, persistent and, of course, modest. "How smarter person, the more modest he is,” reads ancient aphorism. IN Japanese proverb It is said: “Modesty is the adornment of wisdom.” “Modesty is just as necessary for virtues as the figures in a picture need a background: it gives them strength and relief,” wrote J. La Bruyère, and L. N. Tolstoy considered modesty and simplicity to be the main conditions for a person’s moral beauty.
What is modesty? A psychologist, a specialist in systemic therapy and family constellations Tomashevskaya-Kurkova Zhanna.
What is modesty: a quality transmitted at the genetic level, a product of upbringing, the result of a person’s internal work on himself? Is it under human control?
Modesty is inner dignity and self-respect. This is the result of knowledge of oneself and the universe, diligence and hard work, will and strong character. This is a huge internal job. The deeper and more interesting person, the more noble and modest he is. A self-sufficient person does not need to highlight his qualities or achievements; he does not need external approval. He lives based on his inner world. Accepts mistakes and victories equally. When he makes a mistake, he does not attract attention to himself and does not present himself as a victim. He learns and solves his life problems. When he wins, he doesn’t brag about it, but accepts what he receives with gratitude and moves on with life. Living in harmony with himself, he knows the value of his life and that of the people around him.
What is the difference between modesty, shyness and self-consciousness? Is a modest person weak and indecisive? Can a humble person be proud?
Shyness and shyness most often stem from lack of self-confidence. A person is afraid to express his point of view and always adapts to the majority or simply remains silent, not knowing and not being able to express himself. Humility is confident and bold. Confident man lives with faith. What is a man's faith is his internal state and behavior among people. The human mind and intellect rely on faith. A humble person lives his life with dignity. He has spirit and will, he is free from external evaluation. Modesty is proud. But pride without modesty turns into arrogance and pride.
Does modesty always adorn a person?
Recently, while relaxing by the sea, I observed funny situations. On the city beach, the children and adults of one German family stripped naked, attracting attention and catching the puzzled glances of vacationers. They undressed and looked defiantly at those around them; the attention and reaction of people was very important to them. That same day, I accidentally met a Russian woman on the beach and later met her in a restaurant. This lady had already dined with her family, but nevertheless she made every effort to join our table. During dinner, in the first minute of the conversation, I learned that the woman was related to psychology. All evening we listened only to this lady, who during the conversation did not listen to anyone and did not allow anyone to say a word, trying to self-actualize at the expense of the attention and energy of other people. Meanwhile, her seven-year-old daughter was actively competing with her mother. She climbed onto a post near the table and pretended to be a monkey very loudly: she made faces, screamed, different sounds, thereby involuntarily forcing you to pay attention to yourself. Three completely different situations - aspiring nudists, a female psychologist and her daughter. But everyone was screaming for help. Everyone needed the most basic human need - recognition. When a child is small, the recognition of his parents - mom and dad - is very important to him. And the behavior of a little girl who literally demanded her mother’s unreceived attention and love is quite normal. And it looks a little comical and sad when an adult in any way draws the energy of other people onto himself in order to at least somehow make sure that HE EXISTS. As a person grows up, recognition becomes more deep meaning. RECOGNITION – it is important for a person to bewith knowledge. It is important to know yourself, your needs and desires, your capabilities. Know the laws of the universe and the laws of human development. It is very important to be in the highest knowledge. By comprehending knowledge, a person learns and recognizes himself – a person. He becomes self-sufficient and independent from others. If a person stops in his development by receiving a diploma about his professional suitability, then throughout his life he will need how to a small child, constant recognition from other people. The very word CHELO-VEK (student of the century) contains a huge meaning of human life.
People who really believe that being naked among people is natural, go to the circle of like-minded people - nudists. They undress and enjoy their condition; they have no need to challenge “others”, people who are not like them. In the same way, a professional in his activity is interested in communicating about the topics of his profession in his circle - among the same professionals. They have absolutely no need to stick out their worldview among people who are far from it. As a rule, regardless of worldview and social trends, people who really believe in what they talk about do not shout about it at every corner, but simply live by it. They do it for themselves.
Sometimes, when communicating with people, only after some time do you completely accidentally find out about their achievements in the profession or interesting image life. They are attracted not by words, but by deeds already done. This is their way of life. They respect and protect their inner world and very selectively let others into it. Mature people are modest, simple and natural. These qualities are very rare in our society and the most valuable decoration. I have witnessed many times when in disputes, discussions and other difficult life situations Modesty won. A modest person conquers and is very endearing.
Can modesty become a serious obstacle in life or, even worse, a reason constant stress and, as a result, diseases?
Modesty is an internal value that a person relies on in difficult life situations. This quality can only help during times of stress and illness. We attract trouble to ourselves due to our own incorrect thoughts or actions. Modesty, thanks to acquired wisdom, allows you to look at stressful situation with real eyes, accept it and solve it with dignity.
How do you feel about Dzongsar Khyentse’s statement: “Even modesty can be a kind of pretense and hypocrisy”? What's happened false modesty? Vanity trick or pretense?
People can play, pretend and put on the mask of a modest person. It happens that a person who is not confident and timid, lazy and uninteresting to himself hides behind imaginary modesty. This is a convenient form of presenting yourself in society. But such people are usually irritated and unbalanced. Their inner discomfort comes out over time. Often their “modest” life motto is the phrase: “Lord, I don’t need anything, just make sure that others don’t have anything.”
True modesty can always be distinguished from pretense - it is accompanied by simplicity, naturalness and goodwill.
Can a modest person replace shyness with unusual forms of behavior - feigned impudence and swagger?
Modesty is the inner state of a person, it is accumulated wisdom. Arrogance and swagger are masks behind which an insecure person hides, for whom it is very important to impress others. We all know that little children misbehave due to lack of love and attention. The exact same reason for the behavior of an arrogant and cheeky person is to express himself in any way. This behavior is a cry for help. A modest person is not focused on his surroundings; he knows who he is, what he is doing and why. Even if those around him do not accept his worldview, he will not be upset. What matters to him is what he himself knows and lives.
Is it possible to consider excessive modesty as a vice that needs to be gotten rid of? And if so, how can this be done?
Modesty is a great value, part of the internal foundation on which a person relies in his life. It needs to be developed and increased in oneself. This quality is available to few.
Can a modest, seemingly indecisive, but very competent and intelligent specialist get a highly paid job, or is it easier for a self-confident slob to do this?
A self-confident slob may be able to get a job faster, but a modest specialist will be able to keep a job. Getting a modest, competent specialist is great luck. Such people talk less and do more. A self-confident slob talks a lot and creates the appearance of work. This is what employers have for probation to consider a specialist and distinguish idle talk from action.
Whose modesty is more valued: men's or women's? What are the causes of excessive modesty?
Both male and female modesty are very beautiful. Unfortunately, today we see very few such people around. The bulk are throwing dust in the eyes. People immodestly assert themselves with their position, connections, and opportunities. But without faith and dignity within, they feel empty. Hence the arrogance, rudeness and ostentation. When a person himself personally achieves financial situation or fame, he behaves much more modestly than someone who has achieved something with the help of others. The personal independent path of material achievements runs parallel to life’s accumulation of wisdom and experience. If a person receives something at the expense of someone, his soul always knows about it. And then, in order to drown out this knowledge, a person puts these achievements on display, convincing, first of all, himself that he is significant. In parallel with this comes irritation, anger, and dissatisfaction. The deeper and more interesting a person is, the more modest he is. Male modesty is accompanied by dignity, female modesty is accompanied by simplicity and naturalness. There is no such thing as too much modesty.
Is it necessary to overcome modesty?
I think that it is still very early to talk about this topic in our society... We all need to work a lot on our self-development in order to develop at least a small share of real modesty.
