Most often in relationships, men are jealous of their women towards their former lovers. And as practice shows, it is not in vain. It's your exes that ruin your relationship. And now you realize how careless you were when your loved one talked about or communicated with your ex. The fact is that the ex knows the woman better than others, they had a lot in common, there were feelings that just don’t go away. And for some time after their separation, there is a high chance that the ex-man will want the woman back. You could be perfect, you could do everything right, but the feelings in that relationship have not yet outlived their usefulness. That's why everything fell apart for you.
You should calm down and not panic, act pathetic, or try to hold the woman down. All is not lost yet. Most often, in broken couples, both partners rush around for a long time after the separation, they sometimes converge, sometimes diverge, but rarely build further strong relationships. The problem is that people don't learn from the past. Emotionally, your woman returned to her ex, but after a while she realizes that she made a mistake, since she was faced with the same problems that caused her to leave. And the woman will return to you on her own if you do not pursue and persuade her.
Live your ordinary life, it is advisable that your life be bright, that you achieve success in everything and are better than her ex, to whom she left you. If you run to a woman at the first call and begin to console her, since she has again become disillusioned with love, you will turn into a doormat for her. On which she will sometimes wipe her feet. Don't be fooled by this, save your pride. If she left, then let her seek you later and understand for herself once and for all that there will be no next time, that her beloved will lose you forever.
But what behavior should be correct? - you ask. Firstly, you don’t have to immediately agree to a meeting; if a woman calls you, reschedule it for another day. Don't ask her anything. There is no need to show resentment and disappointment. Let there be just indifference. There is no need to show that you have been bored all this time and that you want the woman back. Don't get to her easily, otherwise she will lose interest again. This is how human relationships work. The partner who invests more effort, emotional investment, and nerves in them is the one who values the relationship. Always try, including in the future, for the woman to call you first more often and show her love more. There is no need to run around her and fuss unnecessarily. The more a woman pursues you now after a breakup, the more she will value the relationship in the future.
If you are determined to get your girlfriend back, I recommend reading the book by Sergei Sadkovsky and Oleg Ideal on how to get your ex-girlfriend back. There are many positive reviews. You can download it from the link below:
Hello.
I met a girl (25 years old), who just at that time began a relationship with her boyfriend (MC). I was attracted to her immediately. I can’t say what. Something irrational. I got carried away out of the blue by a complete stranger. We started communicating. She became interested in me too. At the same time, simultaneously developing relationships with the MP, driving himself into a triangle. I always knew about MCH and expected her to leave him. For a long time she could not decide to leave him, but after several months of such a relationship she finally decided.
It would seem that here it is, the green light, now everything will be fine. But what immediately alerted me was that she did not feel any relief after leaving MCH. They continued communicating (without intimacy / romance), he constantly insisted on her return, because she did not tell him the truth about us (she said that she did not love, that she wanted to be alone, that she did not want any relationship with anyone). And MCH asked her to come back, promised that everything would be fine, and put pressure on her. All this upset her, however, she continued to keep him on a leash, without interrupting communication (she said that she would feel bad if they did not communicate at all). This went on for several months. We tried to build our relationship. And it even began to seem that we were starting to succeed. Especially when they stopped communicating for about a month. But she ended up missing him. And she told me that she was terribly tired of all this, that essentially nothing was changing, and she remained in this triangle and that in the end she was going to return to MCH. At which point we stopped all communication (quite recently).
This is such a c'est la vie. What did I understand? I realized that she doesn’t love me or MCH. That she is a big egoist, essentially keeping both of us on a short leash, unable to make a choice for a long time. And even now, having made a choice, she is torn, because so far this decision has not brought her any relief (information from mutual friends). What motivates her is the question. I understand that if she doesn’t feel good with me, then it makes sense to break off the relationship. But why immediately return to another? She will obviously feel bad. Or is it the fear of the owner - the fear of losing someone who could not communicate with her for a month? In any case, it looks very stupid to jump from one hug to another, knowing in advance that in these other hugs it will be bad. At least at first. Although, perhaps, it is very feminine to not let someone who is ready to get off the hook.
I feel like I have become emotionally dependent on her. I don’t know why I feel worse now – whether it’s because I’m left alone. Is it because she is not with me? Is it because she is with someone else? I think it’s from everything together, but I don’t know what is the main reason for my blues.
The question is probably standard. What should I do? It seems clear that we need to forget her, throw her out of our heads. But it's unbearably hard. My head is 100% occupied with thoughts about her. There are no close friends. I'm essentially alone. I can't keep myself busy. How to get yourself out of this swamp?
And the worst thing is that I sit and wait for her to come to her senses and still not return to MCH. What a fool, by God...
Former. People whose presence can cause both jealousy and real problems. You are dating a girl, and suddenly she leaves you, announcing that she is leaving for her ex. We will help you understand what this means and how to fix it.
Read it in 2 minutes.
Point one: you have become not who you really are
Let's say you started dating a girl whose ex was a businessman. After some time, she returned to him. What's your mistake? You decided that she was used to a successful man, and turned on the prim bore mode. And this despite the fact that you yourself are not a businessman, therefore, you have no reason (except for complexes) for such behavior.
Thus, other things being equal, she chose the more successful one. The conclusion is the following: don’t create complexes and don’t copy. Understand what strengths you have, focus on them. If you do this, she won’t even think about her ex.
Point two: “shake-up”
Things haven't been going well with her lately. And what is she doing? She leaves for her ex to show you her dissatisfaction with your relationship. Under such circumstances, the girl can be returned.
First, play spy. Find out the reasons for their first breakup, and use this by demonstrating your advantage in certain aspects.
Secondly, act quickly. You can’t drag it out so that her feelings for her ex don’t really flare up. Show that you have changed for the better. Prove to her that you understand her dissatisfaction and are ready to cooperate. She will return, but ask yourself a question: do you need such a “defector”?
Point three: she is a “victim”
There is a type of tough relationship in which one partner rudely dominates. If your girlfriend was once in such a relationship, it’s a disaster. The victim and the “rapist” are very dependent on each other, and it is very difficult to get rid of this dependence. This is Stockholm syndrome. She is attached to the one who caused her suffering. And if there is trouble with the dominant, the girl will feel obligated to help him and will run back. There is an exit.
Understand - she needs strength, not cruelty. Prove that you have what she needs, and besides, you are not going to mock her. Then the girl will return.
Point four: you stopped holding the bar
If you pretended to be yourself at the initial stage of a relationship with another person, ask yourself the question - why? You want her to love you, not your loan that you took out to impress her with fashionable things. Subsequently, she will realize that she was deceived. Yes, her ex has many flaws, but if lying is not one of them, then she will return to him. If it was the same, the result is also not in your favor. She will choose the one who is closer to her. The one she knows best. The solution is the same - change and show her the real You. Believe me, a smart girl will appreciate it.
Hello Andrei! You describe this whole story from your side. Through a girl's eyes, she may look completely different. I'll try to comment on some points.
The relationship with my husband was not going well, there was no talk of divorce.
The girl started a relationship with you at a time when she and her husband had a crisis in their family life. All married couples have conflicts. Spouses cope with difficulties differently. The girl temporarily switched to you. But this does not mean that she is ready to leave her husband. It is likely that you were a temporary anesthesia for her, but not the man of her life.
She had no desire to be with me, she said that she was leaving her husband but not for me, that I was not the reason for their quarrels.
Indeed, you are not the reason for their quarrels. It seems that the young lady wants to understand herself, her feelings, so she is in no hurry to go to you. This is the right decision on her part.
It turns out that the whole “family” was walking in the park, although she didn’t live with him for more than six months
This couple remains officially married. They are a family despite the conflicts.
She was tormented by a feeling of guilt in front of him that she had destroyed the family..... And he cleverly put pressure on her with this, in the end she said that she would soon return back to his family, as I did not ask her why she was doing this, it was so clear and didn’t get an answer, she just said that she doesn’t love him, she’s returning not to him but to the family, that it will be better for everyone, it will be better for her child
She made her choice. This is her decision - to save the family, to return to her husband. It seems that she and her husband have a fairly strong connection, since the girl, despite conflicts and confusion in feelings, still chooses him.
I won’t be able to accept her, and it’s very difficult for me to let her go, because I still love her.....Please tell me what to do.
Andrey, it’s not a fact that she will leave for you. The girl had no desire to live with you and continued to communicate with her husband. Moreover, leaving her husband will be a great stress for her, which will certainly affect her condition and your relationship.
Try to switch from the girl to yourself, your experiences, needs. Ask yourself: what attracted you so much to a captive lady? After all, the choice of your companion also characterizes you. If you want a family, a stable relationship, then you should initially avoid married ladies. In any case, this situation demonstrates to you the need to understand your own goals and priorities. When you understand what you really want, it will be easier for you to act. A psychologist can help you with this.
Gritsyshina Alevtina Vladimirovna, psychologist Minsk
Good answer 4 Bad answer 0Question for a psychologist:
Hello! In general terms, my story is quite banal. Up until this point, I had been out of a relationship for just over a year. My beloved left me and went to her ex. A little background: she dated her ex for about 1.5-2 years. I don’t know the full history of their relationship, but I can say that they had frequent disagreements and dissatisfaction with each other, even leading to insults from their parents. I didn’t ask about their intimate life, although I understood that something had happened during that time. I don’t remember exactly who dumped whom in the end. And now to our relationship. We met her at an English language course, and it so happened that out of all the girls in the group, I noticed her, although she did not have any outstanding appearance and I did not know her at that time, but for some reason I was drawn to her. Literally after a couple of classes we already started communicating, and about a week later I asked her to meet. We live and study in the same city. Our relationship developed well: we constantly corresponded, saw each other, went for walks, she was completely satisfied with our intimate life. And this was not only my opinion, but she also said the same. As a result, our relationship lasted almost 5 months until she left for her ex. It all started with ordinary communication between them. One evening we were talking and she complained that her ex had started writing to her. He wrote to her something like: “I need you, I can’t live without you.” By that time, he most likely already knew that she had a new boyfriend. I didn't like it, but she calmed me down and said that she had no intention of returning to him. Some time passed, and as it turned out, he became her friend and continued communicating, but only on social media. networks. And I still believed that since she was with me, she really didn’t want to go back to him. But, without noticing it, due to jealousy, I became more intrusive, irritable and everything like that. In the last half month of our relationship, she became cold towards me, and I did not understand the reason. Either it’s me, or it’s my worst fears, or it’s a blockage at work or school. As a result, one day we had a quarrel. As she said, she was tired of me with my jealousy and obsession. I suggested that she calm down and take a break and she agreed. But a couple of days passed, when suddenly she said that she loved someone else, and this other one turned out to be her ex. The words about love and devotion were forgotten, and instead I heard words that we were too different, and we were not a couple at all. And when I asked what was so special about him, and why she returned to him, she did not name any qualities or anything else, but only said that during the time they were together, she became attached to him. It was a shock for me, I fell into depression. She was not the first girl for me, I had separations and breakups before, but this time I couldn’t stand it. I thought I would stay with her until the end, and I wanted that. I started running after her, apologizing, trying to get her back. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I didn’t have to run after her. So I only moved further away from her, and in addition frayed her nerves. But, as it seemed to me, even after all this, she did not move away from me at all, rather she kept me as an “alternate airfield”. The last time we communicated, I lost my temper, insulted her, and then left. From that moment on, I did not communicate with her at all. Almost a month has passed, now I have cooled down, I am no longer consumed by depression, but my feelings for her are still strong. I want her back, but I don't know what to do. It is impossible to forget her, and it will not be possible. We study at the same university, and moreover, we are in the same group taking English courses. Where to begin? How to act so that she chooses me?
Psychologist Ekaterina Igorevna Trofimenko answers the question.
Hello Dmitry. You assess the situation quite adequately and soberly and see your mistakes. If you can maintain the ability to objectively assess what is happening, then your chances of winning everything back will be quite good. You found the strength to leave the girl alone - that’s very good. The fact that depression has passed is temporary. You want her back, the girl has not yet had such a desire, so it may make things worse for you. With the right actions, it is highly likely that she will take steps in your direction. To what stage the so-called comeback can be brought will depend on you. Even if you fail to complete the matter, her steps towards you will help restore your self-esteem and make you more successful in building further relationships (perhaps with another girl). I will now briefly describe what needs to be done. This scheme is standard and works no matter how much the girl values the new relationship. You may not agree with some point (it’s up to you to decide), I’m describing something that always works and works perfectly.
Love is not something stable and unchanging, like a piece of concrete. It can be stronger, it can weaken, it can go away completely, it can grow back. The girl loved you, now her feelings have passed, they are gone. She doesn't love you anymore. The fact that you want her back means that you don’t believe in it. Now she doesn't love you at all. You want to get her back, which means you have to grow her feelings all over again. Not from scratch, but from the hole you dug, running after her and begging her to come back.
1. We get out of the hole. Now her attraction to you is so negative that any neutral outside guy has a better chance of being in a relationship with her. Everything needs to be reset for it to cool down. To do this, you need to disappear from sight (on average this takes a month). Don’t cross paths with her, figure out something with the courses, avoid her at the university. There is no need to catch her eye, if a meeting cannot be avoided, then as with any stranger. No “hello, how are you, etc.” Don't discuss it with your friends. You may be afraid that during this time she will forget about you completely. He won't forget, but he'll get hungry. And it will start to tug at you (are you still on the hook or something).
2. Let her think that everything is fine with you. Direct all your efforts to this for now (become better, more successful, more beautiful, smarter). You can’t just sit and wait without doing anything (this is a loss). Invest energy in your development.
3. Her first attempts to meet her should not be perceived as a desire to win you back. In general, all the mess in her head and her internal swings do not concern you - these are her personal problems. Your task is to be strong and not let yourself be shaken. Until she directly says “I love you, I want to return you,” do not believe her. It doesn’t matter why she wants to communicate - that’s her business, you have your own goals for her, don’t settle for less, be proud (this is important).
4. Don’t take hints, try to avoid personal meetings. If communication cannot be avoided, be polite and cold. At first she will have a small attraction, your task is to grow her attraction into something strong. You have already done everything good for her during the relationship. All. There is no need to please her with anything anymore. Now create a deficit - let him starve, let him be sad about lost love. She destroyed the relationship, return it to her too. When he matures, he will figure out how. She should run after you. Or no one behind anyone. No options Rating 4.69 (16 Votes)
