How to regain trust after betrayal - Advice for husband and wife. How to regain trust in a man if he cheated What is trust

When two lovers make the most important choice in their lives and approach the moment of marriage, the created union appears to them as something unshakable, based on loyalty, sincerity and respect. However, over time, life makes its own adjustments: people change, love fades into the background, giving way to everyday problems; addiction to a loved one appears. As a result, the numerous advantages of loved ones, which previously caused a storm of positive emotions, become invisible or completely disappear.

This is how alienation begins, often leading one of the spouses to betrayal, which, when discovered, always entails discord in the relationship and loss of previous trust. How to regain the trust of a loved one if you have made a mistake and are now striving to restore former harmony?

To regain your partner's trust, it will take a lot of time and work on yourself and your relationship. There is no need to be cloyingly tender or theatrically repentant - men figure out such tricks on the fly. Try to take a moment to discuss what happened; Moreover, forget in advance about reproaches on your part and do not try to blame the deceived spouse for what happened, even if you think that this is partly his fault. Do not manipulate your loved one’s paternal feelings by urging him to maintain the relationship for the sake of the children; and under no circumstances involve intermediaries in your reconciliation - men do not like witnesses to a situation that humiliates them. Give your significant other time to cool down; if necessary, live separately; but at the same time, behave with such dignity that the deceived spouse does not have the slightest reason to reproach you for anything. The time will come - and if there are real feelings, he will probably agree to sit down at the negotiating table. And here you will have to show maximum restraint and wisdom in order to get this cherished chance for forgiveness.

Believe in the best, strive to restore relationships; become extremely transparent in the eyes of your loved one; It’s better to once again share with him your plans for the day than to make him suffer in guessing where and with whom you spend time. Regaining trust is not an easy task; but the matter is worth the greatest effort if love lives in the heart!

There is life after adultery! All psychologists say this. But what will it be like, and why does betrayal inevitably become a new stage in marriage?

First, let's look at the consequences of male infidelity. It turns out that the process experienced by the wife is quite predictable. Psychologists have identified several stages that every woman goes through after her husband’s betrayal:

• Information stage. When psychological defense is in effect: a beautiful person seems to know about infidelity, but cannot yet accept this fact. For some, the psyche becomes aware quickly, while for others it may take several days or weeks. Moreover, the period will be filled with convincing oneself and others that the information is false, nothing like that happened.
• Emotional. A very violent manifestation: tears, hysterics, nerves, accusations, complaints to your mother, friends, etc. The period will be testing not only for the injured party, but also for the traitor, whose reaction will depend on the degree of repentance. Some of the stronger sex cannot stand it and leave home for a while, others wait silently and patiently, and still others try with all their might to beg for forgiveness. It is very important not to drag children (if any) into conflicts during emotional periods.
• Diplomacy. The stage is characterized by acceptance of the fact, calmness and readiness to negotiate. A new type of connection is established between spouses. The first step is to find out the reason and determine whether there will be a union in the future.
• Humility. The final stage, when the consequences of the husband’s betrayal for the wife have only two solutions: to build a life anew (alone or with another partner) or to regard the event as a test of strength and start a new life with the same partner.

Choosing the latter option means that the injured party is ready for the next stage - to experience painful moments when suffering overwhelms the entire being. What do psychologists advise you to do? Give free rein to your emotions: cry, sob and calm down. Another option is additional activities. It’s better to combine both: after sobbing into your pillow, pull yourself together and engage in active activities. If a woman is not the type of “eternal sufferer,” the experiences will pass by themselves over time and she will move on to a new stage - learning to trust again.

It is possible to restore trust. It’s just important to remember that you don’t have to believe completely at first. It won't work that way.

It’s worth starting small - remembering the moments in which you can still trust. For example, in the event of your illness, he will be there to bring you tea and pills; if you lose your job, he will become your support and support, etc. When trust in personal relationships has failed, think about those cases where the chosen one never let you down .

How to deal with jealousy? Jealousy that does not subside from the moment of adultery is a normal phenomenon. But if you don’t control it in time, it will destroy the foundation of the relationship. And then the decision to save the marriage will change in the opposite direction. Psychotherapists have developed several ways to deal with the tormenting feeling. They are effective not only for the female half of the couple, but also for the male half.

• Method No. 1. Create a “jealousy chair.” The method may seem funny, but in fact it will save you from unnecessary quarrels that arise during an attack of jealousy. The exercise requires a chair, privacy, and you. Force yourself to sit on it until you get rid of boiling emotions.
• Method #2: Pretend. Stop the event that unsettled you from completely overshadowing your reason and common sense. During an attack, try to feign indifference. Don't ask where your significant other has been, don't conduct a search and don't accuse. It’s better to sit on the chair of jealousy at this moment. Over time, a calm attitude will return as the self-hypnosis method works.
• Method #3: Unpredictability. Change yourself, break stereotypes and get rid of old habits. Instead of being suspicious and waiting for your loved one, do something completely different. Best of all, by yourself and your interests. Fulfill an old dream in the end. Psychologists admit that this method is not easy - a person literally has to force himself. But it's only difficult at first. When you overcome discomfort and reluctance, you will truly become interested in being the new person you discovered in yourself.

Suspicion, dependence and obsessive behavior will disappear. Instead, confidence and insight will come: why did betrayal control me for so long?! Because the view of an event depends only on the person himself.

And the last method - let's call it “for advanced”. It is applicable when the novel is already in the distant past. While walking together, partners can point out attractive individuals and discuss their merits. It's good if the conversation happens in a humorous way. Psychotherapists call this method “using a symptom to destroy it.”

But there is also a downside. Take a closer look, perhaps your partner is deliberately provoking jealousy? Some people tend to behave this way - they like to control their significant other, to dominate them. Behavior may be unconscious, so this fact should be pointed out and the problem dealt with mutually. After all, relationships will never “recover” this way.

How can a man forgive?

Female infidelity is not much less common than male infidelity. There is a lot of information about how a woman can cope with her husband’s betrayal. But how should a man behave if he is betrayed by his beloved?

In fact, the sensations experienced by the stronger sex are equal to those of women. How could she? Did I know who I lived with for so many years? What to do next? Agree, the questions are the same as those the weaker half of the couple asks themselves. But here the situation is aggravated by the stereotypical attitude (we are forgiven, they are not) and, of course, emotions that often do not find a way out. After all, the stronger sex does not cry, does not throw hysterics and speaks little. It is more difficult for the stronger sex to understand that a conversation is necessary to solve a problem; it seems to them that without active actions, for example, without assault, and sometimes without revenge, the problem will hang in the air forever.

Is it possible to receive forgiveness despite all the stereotypes? Of course yes.

But in order to forgive betrayal, the spouse will have to work hard on himself.

First of all, you need to know that beautiful people do not decide to take such a step out of the blue. But let’s say right away that we are now taking the example of a classic family, where the wife was always faithful and diligent, and the husband tried to ensure her comfort financially. Why does a wife commit adultery while in a seemingly prosperous and stable relationship? Because a woman lacks spiritual intimacy. And this is reason number one. Neither sex, nor even novelty, is a reason for such a serious offense.

Therefore, the first step to forgiveness is not to blame, but to think about whether love remains and how close you are.

There is another option - the husband immediately begins to blame himself (the type of people prone to self-flagellation). The first thing that comes to mind is “I have a belly, I’m bald, and in general, at 40, I look 60 years old. Of course, she found someone else!”

Get that kind of nonsense out of your head. The reason may be you, but it is unlikely to be related to appearance. To take the first step towards restoring the union, you need to accept and forgive yourself. And then think about forgiving the other.

The second step should be a frank conversation. In the process, it is important to remember the main goal - preserving family life. Try to find out:

• Does your loved one repent of what she did?

• What prompted the faithful wife to cross the line.
• What can you do to prevent this from happening again?
• Are both ready for a new round of relationships?

If the victim heard in response: “I don’t love you anymore and I want to be with him,” don’t humiliate yourself, don’t beg or use force. Just leave. Time will either heal you or bring your beloved back - it is quite possible that your spouse is going through a personal crisis.

If a compromise is found and you want to continue to be together, prepare yourself mentally for difficulties. According to psychologists, the average time to forget betrayal is about three years. During this period, trust is restored and a new level of communication is formed.

About trust

How to regain your husband's trust after your wife cheats? The guilty party has two options: deny, lie and never admit to anything, and honestly tell and repent. The traitor has the right to choose anyone and at the same time be sure that she is doing the right thing. However, the first one can make matters worse. For example, a friend will inadvertently blurt out about the prank, or you yourself will get confused in the “testimony.” And in general, where there is a lie, there is no real relationship. Therefore, it is better to pay attention to the second way - sincere confession.

Yes, it will not be possible to remove your mistake from your loved one’s memory, but convincing him of repentance and making him believe that the offense was the first and the last is within the power of a beautiful person.

Suppose the chosen one agreed to start from scratch. What's next? How to regain the old trust? The solution to the issue depends on personalities and characters. Perhaps the mistake will never be forgotten. Or, perhaps, on the contrary, they will do everything to keep their beloved by their side. Whatever the outcome, the main thing is to try and not give up. During the period of establishing communication, the female half should make every effort to regain confidence in themselves:

• Put aside important things and be with your loved one as often as you can.
• Talk about important and unimportant things: love, things, nature, everyday life, etc. You have a chance to get to know each other in a new way.
• Always be honest. Always!
• Extinguish conflicts, give in. It is important for a man to feel that his opinion is a priority.

But there is a catch here too. You need to create a line for yourself that you should never cross. Behind her comes humiliation and transformation into a slave. It is difficult to discern where the truth is and where the lie is, being in the position of a guilty person, therefore it is very easy to stumble and fall into the role of an obedient servant. It will be sad if the stronger half of the couple begins to take advantage of the situation. It’s even sadder if the chosen one didn’t even suspect such qualities in the guy.

There are unique people who have a tendency towards such power in their blood. Such people are just waiting for something to convict their victim of. Betrayal will almost become the apogee of expectations and serve as the basis for obsession - a person is capable of taking moral revenge, without knowing the limits. Don't stoop to that level. Run.

A loving person will try not only to listen, but also to hear his passion, and also to look for ways to reconciliation together. True love does not die from one random mistake.

Who said cheating is bad?

Let's get rid of the stereotype. Why is infidelity considered something bad? Why don’t we regard it as an opportunity to look into ourselves, develop and improve?

The first step on the path to improvement should be to rethink such a stereotype. The second is translating positive thoughts into actions.

To forget about a problem, you need to not think about the problem - this is the first advice from psychologists about working on yourself. If the sufferer is haunted by the thought of how THIS happened to another/him, psychologists recommend the following exercise:

• Sit opposite each other.
• The victim asks questions, and the offender describes the details and specific features of his trip “to the left.”

The exercise is called “crime and punishment” and takes the form of a game. If you do the exercise regularly, the sufferer will eventually get tired of listening to the same thing day after day, and the obsession will “go away” on its own. The main thing is that the opponent does not object to the game and is calm about the questions.

The next thing that will help you establish a positive outlook on things is to stop thinking that you are a loser. Justify for yourself that now is just a bad period, this happens not only to you, write down on a piece of paper the inspiring qualities of yourself and your chosen one and re-read what you wrote every day. Cheer yourself up, thinking that all efforts are being devoted to renewing the family, and the new round will make the connection stronger and better.

Another point: instead of despondency, make changes!

Find out what type of behavior or habit needs to change. For example, if a wife wants more attention from her husband after his affair, she needs to say about her desire. The second task is to find ways to implementation. Male desire is sometimes expressed in the desire to feel female initiative (for example, sexually). Mutual implementation of the agreements will bring the split couple one step closer.

It is equally important to make it clear how valuable the person’s efforts are. Efforts to do something aimed at satisfying the needs of your loved one certainly need to be responded to - noticed, thanked, admired.

In return, give an unpredictable pleasant surprise. Remember what your significant other loves, turn on your imagination. For any representative of the stronger sex, the best surprise will be intimacy presented in an unconventional way. To enhance the sexual atmosphere, create some tension that will certainly excite both.

But the weaker sex loves soulfulness and romance: rose petals, candles, declarations of love. Let it be a standard set, the main thing is how to present it. Remember that unpredictability is the enemy of routine. Pleasant surprises not only ruin a dull life, but also arouse a new interest in the couple in each other.

How to work through problems with intimacy?

To renew intimacy, and at the same time trust, a couple needs frequent emotional communication. According to experts, you need to share your emotions at least twice a week. During communication, nothing should distract spouses from contact. TV, computer, phones - replace them with stories about yourself and insight into the experiences of your loved one.

The wife, like the husband, after infidelity, needs to ask about the needs of the chosen one. A very important point is to know when a loved one needs privacy and when the company of a partner is needed. Or find a way to be together, but apart, for example, read/sit at the computer silently, without violating personal space.

If you are not yet ready for a long stay in the same place, go to the cinema or museum, but be in different parts of the hall. When you're done, go home together. The topic for conversation will already appear. Discussing a film or exhibition will quietly bring the couple closer and inspire them to continue working on a joint union.

While working to restore the marriage, the couple has a chance to simultaneously find out why rapprochement is not happening. After all, the reason may not even be in a perfect act, but in the distant past. For men, for example, there may be such a situation: excessive, even obsessive maternal care has created discomfort in the boy with respect to intimacy. Therefore, in adulthood, it is difficult for him to let his partner approach him. Or vice versa: the child did not receive additional emotional manifestations of feelings, because the parents were closed and alienated. In adulthood, a person, faced with intimacy, experiences awkwardness; he does not know what to do with it.

By plunging into their own world and freeing themselves from the causes of mistrust and fear, the couple will not only become closer emotionally, but also improve spiritually.

“You betrayed my trust,” the phrase is similar to a quote from a novel, but how often these banal words break girls’ hearts and put an end to relationships.

A girl who made a mistake suffers from feelings of guilt and toils in search of answers to the question: “How to regain a guy’s trust after a breakup?”

If you betrayed a loved one, but repent of it and want to resume the relationship, be prepared for the fact that this will take a lot of time. Be consistent and patient and then everything will work out.

• Stop;
• Close your eyes;
• Take a deep breath;
• Exhale slowly;
• Think: why do you want to return everything?

Is it love or guilt that pushes you to reconcile with your boyfriend? They say we only value what we lose. But it also happens that this saying works against us.

Don't fool yourself!

The sentimental female soul, oppressed by remorse, begins to idealize the guy and attribute to him qualities that he never had. Try to calm the emotional storm and think rationally.

Sort out all the pros and cons of your relationship without deceiving yourself. And if even after such a detailed analysis you understand that the guy is still dear to you and you need it, proceed to the “Return of your Beloved” plan.

Regain a guy's trust after a lie: a step-by-step plan

First place in the ranking of reasons for couples to break up is deception.

Lying is an attempt to hide some information from a loved one.

Whether you did it for the greater good or out of fear of losing love, the fact remains that you lied.

Didn't your mother warn you as a child that everything secret becomes clear? You want to go back and never commit this terrible act, but it’s too late. Do not despair. You can regain a guy's trust in yourself, although this process will require patience and endurance from you.

1. Your first step: leave him alone. Immediately after a conflict and a showdown, emotions run high, both for him and for you. In such an atmosphere, it is very difficult to convey your point of view to a person and explain the reasons for your misconduct. Go into another room, catch your breath, drink water. You can wash your face and do a couple of breathing exercises.
2. Second step: Put yourself in his place. Yes, this advice is very simple, but try to imagine that it was your loved one who deceived and betrayed you. Don't be shy, imagine it in colors. Would you be able to immediately forgive him and still trust him? Be honest with yourself. Think about what the guy’s words and actions would later help you regain trust in the relationship and act accordingly.
3. Third step: When things calm down, calmly admit your mistake. Don't be too cold-blooded and arrogant, show that you regret what you did and sincerely repent. But don't go too far. Leave the scenes of hand-wringing and lamentation for cheap melodramas. Maintain your self-esteem and never humiliate yourself. You should talk like adults: calmly and to the point. You don't need to remember all his mistakes to justify your own. First of all, admit the guilt to yourself.
4. Forget what he told you emotionally and listen carefully to what he tells you now. Perhaps these words will be the key to how you should behave in order to regain his trust.
5. Get ready for a break in a relationship. Understand that if he truly loves you, your lies have caused him real pain. It takes time to forget about it and trust again. If he suggests taking a break, don't resist or pursue him with "random" meetings and endless calls. Try to disappear from his life for a while.
6. Have patience. Lots and lots of patience. Wait for his call. The one who loves will definitely forgive and return.
7. There won't be a chance. When given a second chance, remember that there will be no third. Be extremely careful and attentive in your words and actions. Cherish your relationships.
8. Trust. Don't show distrust towards the guy. You should not hack his pages on social networks, read his SMS and check his pockets. Don't be annoying. Down with calls every half hour with the stupid question “Where are you?”

By following this plan, you will be able to win back your love and become the best for your guy again.

On a note!
Some psychologists believe that it is easier to regain trust in psychologically and financially independent people.
If you depend on your boyfriend financially, he may think that you are speaking to him insincerely, you are simply afraid of being left without support.
The man also has a fear that he will be deceived again.

I cheated on my boyfriend, how to regain trust and is it possible?

Cheating is the most vile betrayal of all that a loved one can commit.

By cheating, you let the guy know that you have found someone better than him, thereby lowering his self-esteem through the roof.

A person who has been cheated on may experience shock and anger and find it difficult to accept what happened.

What to do - I cheated on my boyfriend, how to regain trust?

1. Don't get caught in the middle. A person who finds out about betrayal is capable of terrible things in a state of passion. Disappear. Let him accept this situation and make his own decision about what to do next.
2. After waiting your time, try to talk frankly. Explain the reasons for your action. Whether it was an innocent flirtation, a kiss, or real betrayal, it doesn’t matter. He must understand why this happened, otherwise, even if you restore the relationship, conflicts cannot be avoided.
3. Don't rush things. Give him enough time and freedom so that he can decide for himself whether he can be with you and trust you.
4. Don't throw tantrums. Don't fall to your knees and beg him to stay. Don't blackmail him with possible suicide or an imaginary pregnancy. Maybe he will take pity on you and stay, but do you need this pity? And cheating on your pregnancy will certainly break your relationship forever.
5. Forgive yourself. It is very important. Even if you can’t regain the guy’s trust after cheating, you must let go of this situation. Talk to a close friend or a psychologist, give yourself the opportunity to cry. Accept the fact that what has been done cannot be undone. Move on with your life and take away valuable experience from this situation.
6. If you're back together, appreciate your loved one.. Never give him a reason to even think that you might betray him again. Trust him yourself and do not remember this incident.

It doesn’t matter what exactly prompted you to cheat, and you shouldn’t talk about how bad it is. If you still care about your boyfriend, try following these tips to get him back.

After the breakup

You tried everything you could, but you still couldn’t get your loved one back.

Grief overwhelms you and you don’t know how to move on?

Even though it’s hard for you to believe it now, know that everything will be fine.

Sooner or later you will forget him and find new love, but in the meantime, try the following tips.

• Don't isolate yourself in my solitude and in my apartment. Go to a friend and have a heart-to-heart talk. Try to cry, often after this it really becomes easier. Getting over a breakup will be easier if you are not alone.
• Pamper yourself. For example, sweet. But there is no need to eat up your stress with kilograms of cakes and sweets. You risk turning into a fat, depressed woman. According to the law of meanness, this is exactly how your ex will meet you. And he will be glad that you broke up.
• Remember your mistakes. And never step on the same rake again. Do not lie, do not betray the trust of your loved one and do not cheat.
• Change your life. Update your wardrobe, change your hair and makeup, if possible, change your home. In the old place, you will constantly remember the moments associated with your love, looking at the dress, remember that you were wearing it when the guy kissed you for the first time. This will inevitably plunge you into a new abyss of sadness. Leave the guy and everything that reminds you of him in the past.
• Take care of yourself. Sign up for a fitness or aerobics class. In addition to the fact that your body will become slim and attractive, you will spend your evenings not in front of the TV, but in the gym. By the way, there is a good chance of meeting a new boyfriend there.
• Take your time make new acquaintances. Believe me, such a relationship will not bring you satisfaction, but will only open up barely healed wounds.

If your relationship is on the rocks because you deceived your guy or cheated on him, how can you regain trust in your relationship with your guy? Don't forget that everything is still possible.

Everything passes and this will pass!

You will need all your endurance and willpower, a lot of patience and time, which, as we know, heals. But don’t forget that your loved one has the right to say goodbye to you.

Understand that life does not end when your loved one passes away. Yes, now you are hurt and offended, you blame only yourself for everything and think that you do not deserve happiness, but this is not so. Very soon the pain will pass, and you will definitely meet new love.

You can find additional information on this topic in the section.

Restoring trust in a family where betrayal has occurred is a complex and often long process. In order to bring yourself closer to the desired result, you need to make a decision about your behavior not with your friends, drinking wine out of bitterness, and not after another squabble with your husband. The best thing in this situation is a clear head, the most neutral emotions and advice from a specialist.

Advice on how to restore trust in your family psychologist and body-oriented wellness therapist Elena Shubina.

What should you think about after cheating?

Before taking action and starting to live an “ordinary life,” or rather, restoring an ordinary life, Elena Shubina suggests answering 3 questions honestly, no matter how painful and difficult it may be:

1. Will I be able to forgive and live with this person as before, without claims, accusations, reminders and fear that everything will happen again?
2. Will he be able to come back and love me as before, and maybe even stronger, will he be able to do everything so that I trust him again and can trust myself?
3. Do the two of us have the strength and desire to get through these trials and make our family stronger than we found it?

The expert warns: “If the answer to these questions is: “no, I’m not sure, partially,” then know that it may well happen that you will not be able to save your family, and then it is better not to waste time, but to try your luck with someone else " In this case, the question of returning trust no longer exists.

What should a woman do to restore trust?

Regaining trust is complex internal work, and it is difficult to do alone if the situation directly depends on another person, in this case, your husband. Even if you are a strong-willed woman and make a categorical decision “To have a family!”, it is unlikely that at one moment your mood will change dramatically without the special efforts of your husband.

Therefore, the most important rule is the very first thing you can do to regain trust in a man:

1. Don't force yourself!

When you forgive, you promise yourself to never remember again. about treason , do not reproach your husband, etc. But until trust is restored, do not force him to behave as before. Don't force yourself to forgive and start trusting at the same time. It won’t work out anyway, you’ve been through too much emotional stress.

Also, don't rush yourself, give yourself as much time as you need. A process like forgiveness is very difficult to fit into a time frame. The options “in a month,” “before lunch,” or “by next Monday” still won’t work. The opposite behavior can lead not only to a deterioration in your mental state, but also to illness.

The psychologist warns: “If you convince yourself that you have already forgotten and forgiven everything, and can already trust, when all your communication still says otherwise, you will drive yourself into neurosis (this is in the best case), otherwise you will “earn” the disease. Tell yourself: “I will do everything so that the ability to trust comes to me in a timely manner. I'll give myself and him time. It won't be a big deal if I keep an eye on him for now. It’s better than rushing and feeling cheated again.”

2. Set a deadline for checking and agree on this with your husband

Without forcing yourself to “forgive until the New Year,” you can easily set a very specific period during which you will look closely at your husband. During this period, a number of agreements may be in effect at your home that will help you understand, forgive, or definitely decide that you cannot do this.

“Agree that you will check on him for a while. I know men who let their wives look into their cell phones and gave them their email passwords just so they could forgive and forget as quickly as possible. “All this means nothing, if he wants to hide something, he will hide it anyway,” - of course, you will say... This is both true and not true.

Most people are still not so cynical as to purposefully create other accounts, codes, addresses and passwords for these purposes (this is partly why they get caught cheating). And the right to check, given voluntarily and with good intentions, is indeed more than beneficial for relationships. And by the way, usually after it you don’t want to check on anyone at all,” the psychologist suggests.

Also, ask your husband to be more attentive to you, ask him to give you more information and explain his behavior if something new happens. For example, if earlier you knew for sure that on Wednesdays he was late because he was playing bowling with friends, now this bowling can develop in your eyes into much more colorful pictures. Ask him to call and warn you, the “default” or “you already know” option no longer works.

Important! Remember that being able to check and checking are two different things. Don’t turn into a paranoid detective, in such conditions your husband, even if he really decided to change, won’t last long, and your nerves will give out from constant tension. Manage to get out of the state of checking in time, because after you forgive, your husband’s personal space should return.

3. Develop a culture of conversation in the family

Suspicions and omissions do not make a family happy. Probably everyone knows the “snowball” effect, when small understatements and unspoken grievances accumulate and, over time, bury all the good things that exist in your family. Now you not only shouldn’t allow yourself to behave like this, you shouldn’t!

Now that trust in your couple seriously shaken, you cannot allow yourself to quietly doubt, so prepare your husband for the fact that during this difficult period you will ask many more questions than before.

This is what the psychologist advises: “Tell your husband about your feelings and suspicions right away. The fact is that sometimes we ourselves do not realize to what extent we do not understand our partners. For example, you walked up to him and stood behind him, and he immediately slammed his diary shut. Say right away that this caused you a storm of feelings and suspicions. Almost certainly he will open the page for you, and you will see that there is nothing on it, and he has the habit of closing documents from his army past, you just didn’t pay attention to it before...”

4. Fix what led to the cheating

As we know, there is no smoke without fire. And in any betrayal there is the fault of the other partner. Think about what the man was missing? And even if his demands are unreasonable, as you think, try to give it to him. After all, if this lack led to betrayal, then it was very important for him. And this applies to all betrayals, even those that seem to happen by accident.

Show him again the woman he fell in love with, the one he didn’t want to cheat on. Try to start with yourself and you will see the changes.

5. Develop willpower

Few people believe that willpower can be an assistant in this matter. After all, you can’t force yourself to trust on command and, gritting your teeth, say to yourself: “From now on, I trust him again.” But you can and should really want to bring peace back into the family.

Psychologists say that you can program yourself to take a certain step, and this internal attitude will help you move on. By itself, of course, it will not change anything, but it will be the basis for your daily behavior, which, in fact, shapes the reality in your family.

3 rules for men

In fact, this section should be central to this article, because it is the man's behavior that will determine whether you can regain trust in him and how quickly you can do it.

But is there a chance that a man will see everything written below? Of course, you can show him or tell him. Or you can just know it yourself, because this is also important. The main problem after betrayal is that no one knows exactly how to behave, there is no model of behavior, how it should be, what is natural, what is not, what can be demanded, what is necessary and what is not.

“Everyone does it” is, of course, a dubious kind of argument, but when there is nothing else, it is difficult to find other support. We offer you the opinion of a psychologist on how a man should behave and what to be prepared for in order to restore the family after his betrayal.

Because there is no knowledge, we can do things that will only ruin everything. Below we provide a list of myths and main mistakes that a woman can make when trying to suppress her resentment and force herself to trust her husband. And also parting words for a man - a model of behavior that should be adopted in order to restore trust in the family.

1. “We are adults”

Any problem, especially something as serious as betrayal, and the restoration of trust in the family after it, makes us psychologically older and forces us to look for more mature and wise solutions. Therefore, a woman who has made the decision to forgive and restore trust in the couple again tries to behave very wisely, calmly, and tries to be silent and endure , and alone he cries into his pillow.

How to behave as a man

A woman who has lost trust is like an offended child. She is capricious, suspicious, touchy, withdrawn and vulnerable. And anything can seem to her. And this is normal and natural! By cheating, you hurt her pride, and now she is trying with all her might to get it back. So if you really want this woman, be very patient...

How to regain trust in a man if he cheated

First of all, give her the right to know everything she wants about you and your life, including passwords and accounts. You may think that this is too revealing and will cause you some discomfort. It wasn’t like this before, of course, but YOU lost the woman’s trust, this is your fault and therefore you need to make concessions.

2. “Not a word about treason”

There is an opinion that to forgive means to forget. This means that you can’t not only talk about treason, but also think about it. But this only applies to the period when thoughts and emotions are already amenable to at least some control.

Without knowing this, some women torment themselves with thoughts about who this woman was, how it all happened and why. They torture themselves, thereby driving them into neurosis, but still do not allow themselves to talk about it.

How to behave as a man

Very often, a woman who has been cheated on is interested in details, sometimes very intimate, about how and why, with whom, and in what setting it happened. This is completely irrational and will probably make you surprised and even angry. And often a woman keeps silent about her desire.

But despite everything, it is very natural. The woman really needs this information and you would be wise to give it to her. The fact is that thanks to this information, a woman determines her self-esteem and experiences everything that happened to the end.

It will never even occur to you through what millstones she grinds this information, what “strange” conclusions she can draw, and all in order to, in the end, let go. For example, having learned that a girl is young, you can convince yourself that due to her youth she is naive and stupid, while you might assume that your wife will worry about her no longer very young years. ..

In other words, it defies logic, but you will do a good deed if you answer her questions.

3. “Nothing will be the same as before”

Cheating changes everything forever. Trying to regain lost trust, spouses often cross out, along with the bad, all the good that happened. And when building a so-called “new relationship,” many for some reason believe that romantic events during this period will be awkward and unnatural, something like a feast during the plague. Therefore, everyone lives an ordinary life, trying to restore peace, forgetting that trust alone will not increase happiness.

How to behave as a man

It is very important for every woman who has been cheated on that some kind of ritual occurs that would show her that the old things have passed and a new stage of her life has begun. But for some reason men are afraid to do this, because “it’s somehow not the right time.”

For additional comment we contacted Olga Volodarskaya, author of highly social detective stories. Here is her opinion: “It is impossible to regain trust in a man if he has cheated. And it's not worth it. You can forgive betrayal, you can come to terms with it, you can find an excuse for it, you can even pretend that it didn’t happen at all, but... you won’t be able to trust a man who exchanged you for another, no matter how hard you try.

He's late at work, and you think he's with her. Or on the other. After all, he cheated on you once, which means maybe a second, a third. And, in principle, in ten cases out of a hundred this will be the case. I have a friend who constantly forgives her husband for cheating. During several years. And it would be fine if she just turned a blind eye to them. But no, he sincerely believes that this was the last time. Needless to say, everything repeats itself again and again.

And when she finds out about husband's infidelity (and why are some men so careless?), then she cries from humiliation and resentment. After all, he was so sincere in his repentance, and she believed him. Everyone tells her: “Leave him.” And she hopes that he will change.

I don't give her advice. Let her decide for herself. But, it seems to me, you need to either live with the idea that betrayal is not a betrayal at all, but a mere trifle, or get a divorce.”

What is your opinion?

When one partner finds out they've been cheated on, the realization is like a bomb going off. Cheating destroys trust, the deceived partner thinks that it can no longer be restored. But life shows that it is possible to regain trust after betrayal, and many couples are truly capable of doing this. Not only do they restore relationships, but they can also create an even stronger bond.

But, in order to regain trust, the partner who cheated must take several steps.

Confession and repentance

The cheater must not only admit that he did wrong, but also express genuine repentance. If you have been cheated on, your spouse must understand that, regardless of the reasons, he should not have sought emotional or physical intimacy outside of marriage, and that he has violated the commitment he made at the wedding (unless the couple agreed to the relationship without obligations).

Getting rid of the pain caused

Your partner must be willing to talk openly and truly hear what you went through when the cheating became known. We are talking about feelings of resentment, betrayal, sadness and anger. But you should also be prepared to talk about your feelings.

You will have to explain how you managed to survive the betrayal and how it affected you. But if your spouse is to blame, it is he who should help you get rid of this pain, even if it is unpleasant to talk about.

At this point you must be open to healing. This means that you should not seek retribution. It is better to accept an apology and concern from your partner. If the cheating partner is truly worried and remorseful about what they did, you should try to moderate your anger and calm down after some time. Only then can the marriage begin to move in a more positive direction.

Healing Relationships

There is hope for healing your marriage only after you have successfully completed these two steps. It can also be helpful to evaluate what your marriage was like before the infidelity. Perhaps you had problems that led to the fact that one of the partners began to seek understanding on the side.

If you talk about it, and acknowledge what each person's role was in these problems, you will be able to understand each other, perhaps even better than you did before the affair. In addition, it is important to analyze the problems that you have in your marriage now.

At the wedding, you both took responsibility for your marriage, meaning you should work together to improve your connection and show care for each other every day. This, unfortunately, will not change the past or eliminate the pain caused by betrayal, but this approach will help you create a better future for your family together.