Unfortunately, not everyone acquires the ability to write without errors at school: a considerable number of adults and seemingly experienced people make the most stupid spelling and grammatical errors in messages and emails, thereby incredibly annoying both ordinary people and pedants. zealous for their native language.
However, today the requirements for literacy have significantly decreased: no one wrinkles their nose anymore when they hear an incorrectly placed accent or see a mistake in a word. Literates, if they really want to tell you how to speak correctly, usually do it in a delicate half-whisper: this is considered a sign of good manners.
Despite such a relaxed attitude towards errors in speech and writing, there are also those who flatly refuse to communicate with people who, no matter how hard they try, cannot write without errors. What is the reason for this strange rejection? We have found the answer to this question: there are at least three reasons that explain why some people do not want to communicate with those who cannot write without errors.
Reason one: many people don’t want to waste time communicating with fools
The first reason why many avoid communicating with those who cannot write without errors is the reluctance to waste time talking with fools. If an adult makes mistakes in words that any fifth grader can easily spell correctly, this can hardly characterize his intelligence as high or even average.
Meanwhile, time resources are not infinite: in conditions where you have to find free time where there is none, it is quite logical that many people do not want to spend it communicating with not very smart comrades.
Reason two: some people may not perceive information written with errors
Communication today is increasingly moving to the virtual plane: many people spend most of their time not on real conversations, but on correspondence on social networks. Everyone perceives information differently: someone, due to their own communication skills, can understand the interlocutor at a glance, even if he expresses himself more than vaguely, while someone, on the contrary, will not understand anything if the message contains several stupid mistakes.
Such differences in perception are also the reason why many are not eager to communicate with those who cannot, and, most importantly, do not want to learn to write without errors. What's the point of wasting time talking if you still don't understand anything?
Reason three: some people may have their own criteria for selecting interlocutors
Another not-so-obvious reason is that some people may have their own criteria for selecting interlocutors, their own preferences, according to which they choose who they will communicate with and who they will avoid.
The ability to write without errors, although not a 100% indicator of high intelligence, can also be such a criterion. Someone who doesn't have the skill to write words correctly is likely to be ignored by someone who is too scrupulous about literacy.
One should not blame those who select interlocutors using, among other things, the criterion of literacy. Most people don't have much time to spend communicating with those they don't like for some reason.
As you can see, there are many reasons why people do not want to communicate with those who are not able to convey their thoughts in writing to others without a series of stupid mistakes. Some people simply don’t want to waste time communicating with fools, others simply do not perceive information presented in this way, and for others, people who write with errors do not meet certain criteria - after all, everyone chooses their interlocutors differently. One way or another, it is not in vain that illiterate people are disliked: the reasons from our selection can hardly be called far-fetched.
However, the ability to write without errors may also not be enough for productive communication with others: literacy is often nominal and does not correlate in any way with a person’s mental abilities. This can be corrected by developing functional literacy: we have already talked about it in our previous publication.
Tell us what you think about this: why, in your opinion, some people do not want to communicate with those who cannot write without errors? Would you yourself communicate with a person who makes the most basic mistakes in writing? Why?
There are four basic emotional states that are hardwired into us from birth: anger, fear, sadness and joy. Please note that we have more unpleasant experiences “hardwired” into us than pleasant ones. All other experiences, such as jealousy, envy, shame, guilt, boredom - we learn to experience as we gradually get older and socialize. And, nevertheless, if you and I try to compile a list of a person’s experiences, then in this list there will be much more emotions with a “minus” sign than with a “plus” sign.
But why do we need this kind of “firmware”? Why not “hardwire” only pleasant emotions into a person, why do we need unpleasant ones? And why are there more of them?
The fact is that in reality, unpleasant experiences are much more important for human survival than pleasant ones. That is why we tend to notice in the outside world, and in ourselves too, something that worries us. Imagine, for example, this situation: an ancient man learned to breed rabbits, because it was very useful to him for food, and he already has fifty rabbits on his farm. Looking at such wealth, he probably rejoiced. But then, not far away, the roar of an ancient bear was heard - and immediately all the attention of the ancient man turned there. And here there is no time for joy: fear came first. How so? There are fifty rabbits, but only one bear! Joy must prevail! But no! Because in this case, it was fear that would give the ancient man strength to save himself.
Any unsatisfied human need is accompanied by such a feeling as anger. If a child is not given a toy, he will get angry. If an adult is not given a salary, he will also feel angry. If you don't get enough sleep, you won't be happy. If you are hungry, you are angrier than if you are full. Anger, in addition, helps us guard our boundaries, both physical and psychological. In the case of ancient man, it was anger (from fear, from compromised security) that would make a person grab a weapon and defend his territory.
And sadness is the same necessary feeling as the previous ones. Because it is the sadness of losing something valuable, a friend or relative, that allows us to empathize and understand how close we are to this person. It is this minor feeling that shows us the depth of our connection with each other. After all, if we are not sad for someone, it means that he is not valuable to us. And since it was very important for people to lead a tribal lifestyle for survival, they needed to build relationships in such a way that the connections were deep, otherwise even within the tribe they could kill each other.
Let's return to joy. Joy is rather a bonus for a person. Joy is visible only against the background of unpleasant emotions. It’s just like day and night – one is impossible without the other. The ancient people chased the deer for a long time, naturally, they were tired, hungry, angry, and finally the deer was defeated. Of course it's joy. Studying at the institute for five years, poring over textbooks, writing tests and term papers - working and experiencing anxiety, anger, disappointment - and in the end getting a diploma - this is also joy! Receiving a bonus is a joy, but a whole month of overtime and overtime means fatigue, anger, resentment, perhaps.
Of course, you want to be happy all the time. Moreover, the entire modern culture shouts about this: “You need to live in joy!”, “Enjoy life!”, “Enjoy every moment!” But let's think about it: is it so natural for a person to be happy all the time? Probably not. Moreover, we eventually begin to consider people who don’t care, who constantly rejoice and giggle, as “weird.” In fact, balance is very important. And just as day follows night, joy should replace unpleasant experiences.
All problems begin when a person “gets stuck” in one state: if in unpleasant emotions, this can lead to depression, if in pleasant emotions, it can lead to mania. Therefore, being able to rejoice is, of course, necessary. But you shouldn’t condemn those who cannot share your joy with you at the moment due to some of their life circumstances. This does not mean that you should stop experiencing joy, but it is also necessary to be respectful of the feelings and experiences of another person. Also, you shouldn’t get stuck on negative experiences, turning into a bore, a “victim of circumstances” or a grouch. In this case, it is useful to remember that, in addition to frogs, there are also butterflies, and the world is good enough to live in.
As a psychologist, I can say: experience the whole gamut of experiences! This is what makes life interesting and rich!
Good news that the editors learned Faktrum, is that, according to researchers from University College London, anyone can improve all of these qualities through training.
Firstly, people who cannot draw do not see the world as it really is. Their visual systems automatically underestimate object attributes such as size, shape, and color. Research over the past three years suggests that at least some of these misconceptions are the result of drawing errors.
Paradoxically, in other circumstances these shortcomings help us navigate space. For example, when objects are closer they appear larger than when they are far away. However, special mechanisms in our brains are usually able to recognize this visual illusion.
Another important factor for drawing ability is visual memory. Psychologists at University College London recently conducted experiments exploring the role of visual memory in the drawing process. They found that drawing ability depends on the ability to store simple relationships in an object, such as the angle subtended by two lines, in memory from the moment of visual perception to the moment of drawing.
Also, in their opinion, the quality of the drawing depends on how the artist perceives the object: whether he sees it as a whole or highlights some more important details in it.
American scientists have previously found compelling evidence that skilled artists are better at choosing which elements of an object to use to best convey the object's shape. And once artists choose an important element, they focus their attention on it, ignoring other details.
"There's no doubt that practice is an important factor in drawing skills," says University College London psychologist Rebecca Chamberlain. In a study presented at a recent symposium at Columbia University, Chamberlain and her colleagues found that long-term training significantly improved the drawing abilities of test subjects.
Based on my observations psychologists recommend using the following methods to improve your visual skills. First, you need to focus on scaling the design to fit the size of the paper. Secondly, concentrate on the distance between the elements of the object and the ratio of their sizes. Third, pay attention to the size and shape of the empty space between parts of the object.
More practice and everything will work out! With love, yours Faktrum.
When married couples are on the verge of breaking up, partners accuse each other of all mortal sins. Most of all, such qualities as narcissism, selfishness and the desire to put one’s personal interests above the interests of a partner are subject to obstruction. Psychologists whose clients are divorced spouses confirm this feature: most often those couples break up in which at least one of the spouses suffers from a personality disorder (narcissism).
Diagnosing psychiatric illnesses is very difficult
In clinical practice, psychiatrists diagnose narcissistic personality disorder by assessing nine basic parameters. That’s why you shouldn’t label a person with whom you don’t have a good relationship the label “narcissistic egoist.” For a person who does not suffer from a personality disorder, the accusation “You only love yourself!” can be deadly. A true narcissist will not take these words to heart. The fact is that narcissistic people do not care at all about public opinion.
Can narcissists love?
There is an opinion that narcissistic egoists do not know how to love. In a couple where one of the partners is busy with narcissism, psychologists see three scenarios for the development of events: accept everything as it is; try to change your partner; breake down. Most often, experts on family relationships advise their clients to try to save the marriage, which means making some changes (in themselves or in their partner). And only if measures to improve the situation are ineffective, the spouses are recommended two other options to choose from. 
Tolerate or leave?
When it comes to people who are a cluster of emotionally unstable individuals (sociopaths, psychopaths or narcissists), the second option is preferable: separation. In all other cases, people prefer to put up with the current state of affairs. You can change yourself, accept the fact that your partner's negative qualities will not go away over time, and even take some protective measures, but you will still be inclined to divorce.
There are different degrees of selfishness and narcissism
Most people have varying degrees of selfishness and narcissism: people with low self-esteem, with normal self-esteem, with high and even overly inflated ones. Some people may seem overly self-confident, selfish, self-centered and narcissistic. Some of them may have clinical levels of narcissism. The reasons for this phenomenon lie in deep childhood and are often associated with total parental love. Each time, the mother was delighted with the baby’s elementary actions, telling him every day how beautiful and wonderful he was. Subsequently, the child ceased to adequately perceive himself, but began to independently evaluate himself. 
When does narcissistic personality disorder appear?
Most often, a personality disorder begins to show its first signs in early adulthood. This mental disorder is characterized by disregard for the opinions and feelings of other people, delusions of grandeur, obsessive thoughts and the desire for selfish goals. Not every narcissistic person has all these traits at the same time. But there are also narcissists who “pass” in all respects (clinical personality disorder). It is impossible to build a harmonious relationship with people who do not want to spend their energy on their partner. In a couple where one spouse is a narcissist, the exchange of energy is like a one-way street. This union is beneficial only to one person, but for another it is a waste of time.
Signs of a narcissistic personality
You are unlikely to be able to change a person who cleverly manipulates others and is busy insulting, humiliating and intimidating. Here, the ability to love is not associated with a mental diagnosis, and there is no effective therapy for this disorder. To assess the situation, listen to your inner voice and rely on your feelings. If you are uncomfortable with this person, if you are afraid of him, if you don’t know what to expect from him in the next minute, run from him like fire. It will never change and can be quite unpredictable. 
Inflated sense of self-importance
A narcissistic person has an exaggerated sense of self-importance and also strives to exaggerate his achievements and talents. In fact, this desire did not arise out of nowhere, and covers up an inferiority complex and strong self-doubt. These people require a huge amount of attention from their partners. But even if you try your best to comply with all the requirements, it will still not be enough. So, the main complaint of a narcissist towards a partner is lack of attention.
Angry reaction to criticism
The narcissist does not know how to gratefully accept words of constructive criticism. Even if you make a minor reprimand to him, he will immediately flare up in anger. In order to somehow even out the chances, a narcissistic person attacks the person criticizing him with unfounded accusations and insults. In response, he can endlessly criticize his partner, citing the desire to improve his other half. It seems that offense really is the best defense. That is why you are always “to blame” for his actions.
They don't like to be nostalgic for the past
Most people enjoy remembering some sweet moments from their past life. Good and pleasant memories shared between partners are a sign of deep affection. Egoists and narcissists do not know how to be nostalgic for the past. Any sentimental feelings are incomprehensible to them. That's why they never talk about the past with a smile. 
Ability for meanness
Another strong narcissistic trait is the capacity for meanness and antisocial behavior. At school, this person could have a reputation as a notorious hooligan or be registered with the juvenile affairs commission. In his adult life, the nickname “boor” firmly stuck to him. Despite his arrogance, anger, hatred of others, desire to insult and humiliate others, a narcissistic person is regarded as an immature person. The so-called school bully syndrome is not just a desire to insult or be sarcastic. When communicating with people, the narcissist belittles the merits of others, forgetting about justice and decency.
His feelings are directed inward
The very concept of “love” for a narcissistic personality is something alien, vague and unreal. A narcissistic egoist cannot love others, since his feelings are directed inward and not outward. 
Lack of empathy
Another clearest sign of a personality disorder is a lack of empathy. It is no secret that each of us at one time or another can exhibit narcissistic or selfish tendencies. However, people tend to admit their mistakes and change their relationship strategy. A narcissist cannot do this because he does not know how to truly get close to other people, he is not familiar with the principles of mutual assistance, he does not know empathy and pity.
Solution
As we said, a narcissistic egoist will never change. He will lie to you, dodge, blame and manipulate. There is only one solution: end this relationship. A normal person cannot tolerate a narcissist for more than two minutes. Where do narcissists find potential victims? The answer is simple: if in your family model one of the parents was a narcissist, then the other was a weak character. You have become a hostage to this pattern and are being patient, demonstrating a victim mentality.
First, let's look at the concept of friendship. What it is? This is not just a nice company with similar interests. This is something more when people can show interest in each other, show care and enjoy spending time together, as well as the opportunity to trust another person as themselves.
Rice. Why are some people completely incapable of making friends?
People who don't have these skills have a hard time. They seem to communicate, but they cannot. Most often, they are alone, from which they suffer greatly. In fact, there are several reasons that prevent you from being a good friend.
Reasons for lack of friends
1. Such people can talk about themselves for hours without noticing that the interlocutor is already tired of their monologue. If a person tries to insert at least one phrase into such a long tirade, then it will not be heard and the conversation will return to the same direction. These people do not even try to pretend that they are interested in other people's opinions; they do not like to be interested in any problems and experiences of other people.
3. People who put themselves above everyone else are very repulsive. They consider themselves the smartest, most beautiful, talented, in other words, the best. Any of your advice or comments will be crushed to smithereens. This man considers himself an ace in absolutely any business. Undoubtedly, it is very difficult and difficult to communicate with such a person, much less be friends. Try to be friends with a walking encyclopedia who will always and everywhere mention that she knows everything about everything. Such a thought can even be scary.
4. There is one more point that prevents you from creating friendly or friendly relations with a person. Let’s imagine that a particular person constantly has various problems, but he doesn’t like to talk about them for hours, and much worse, he asks you to solve all sorts of problems for him. He constantly asks for help, even for small things. Moreover, he absolutely does not want to participate in resolving the current situation. Such a person will periodically borrow money, and then repay the debt every other time. This is not a fictional character, such people exist in large numbers.
How to become a good friend?
We hope that you are not one of the types of people described above and that you have friends. If this is not so, then It's time to admit that you take more than you give. Naturally, few people will like this, including you.
Reconsider your attitude towards friends. Try to understand their problems and, if possible, help solve them. Be sincerely interested in the personalities of your friends, give them the opportunity to speak out, because sometimes this is so necessary. In the end, become an interesting person, and then you will never lack friends!
